This is an episode addition to 'Bride of Chaotica' in that it's set directly after the episode. It's not really about the episode, though. And yes, there are spoilers - even though I haven't actually seen this episode, living in backwater Australia as I do. Isn't the Internet a marvellous thing?

Disclaimer: The Star Trek universe and everything in it belongs to Paramount, not me. I'm just playing with their toys and hoping I won't get sued for it. No infringement of copyright law (or any law for that matter) is intended.

"Five ball in the corner pocket."

click - click - thunk

"Good shot."

"Thanks. I won't make this next one, though."

click - click....click

"See? I'm going to get another drink. You want one?"

"Thanks."

Sandrines was all but deserted that night. It was late, and they hadn't called up any of the usual characters, preferring instead to have the place to themselves. Janeway sighed and stretched a sore neck muscle as she made her way over to the bar where their bottle of scotch was sitting.

When she returned holding a glass in each hand, Chakotay had missed his shot and was standing chalking his cue disconsolately.

"So where was I?" she asked as she handed him his drink.

"You were up to the part where you were trapped behind a restraining field," he replied with a barely hidden grin.

She pursed her lips before replying, thankful again that no one had actually seen her acting as Arachnia - though Tom and Harry did see her dressed like that, which was bad enough by itself. "Well, there's not much to tell. After I... escaped... and disabled Chaotica's henchmen, I convinced him to shut down the 'lightning shield'."

"Sounds like you had fun."

"Ugh! No, it was awful, Chakotay," she told him as she took her shot, sinking another ball, "To think if it had stretched out much longer, I might have had to go through a whole wedding ceremony... Though I suppose," she said as she surveyed the table, "I should be thankful I made it through without actually having to kiss him or anything."

Chakotay didn't bother hiding the grin this time. "Haven't you ever kissed a hologram?" he joked.

She didn't answer straight away, but a slow blush crept across her face. She cursed her fair skin as Chakotay raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Not recently," she said finally, still slightly flushed as she leant over and made the winning shot.

"Good game," Chakotay said, wisely letting the subject drop as he followed her over to the bar and sat beside her.

She poured them both another drink. It was synthahol, and though it didn't exactly live up to real scotch, at least they could drink all they wanted without suffering the consequences. Chakotay watched her surreptitiously as she sipped slowly from her glass, and they were both quiet for a time.

"Do you know, Chakotay," she said suddenly with a bemused air, "That that makes it three times now I've almost been married. Do you think the universe is trying to tell me something? Or do I just have really bad luck?"

The last words were uttered with a slightly bitter tone she tried to hide, and she clearly didn't expect an answer. He didn't know what to say, anyway.

"What about you? I know you've never been married, but did you ever come close?"

"No," he answered slowly, "I've had my share of serious relationships, but they never lasted long enough to reach that point."

She grimaced, and changed the subject. "Do you ever wonder... what your life would be like if you were still in the alpha quadrant?"

He couldn't keep the anger from his voice as he replied, "I don't have to wonder. I'd either be dead or in jail."

"Oh Chakotay, I'm so sorry," she said, immediately horrified at herself, "I didn't mean it like that."

He placed a hand on her arm to stop any further apologies. "I know. It's alright," he told her. And it was, in a way. Then, because he truly didn't want to talk about it further, he said, "What about you, though? Do you ever think about it?"

She was easily distracted, and her thoughts turned inwards once more.

"I think about it - though I probably shouldn't. It's hard not to harbour regrets, though, you know? I had it all planned out - my life. If I was in the alpha quadrant now, I'd be married to Mark. Maybe looking at another ten, or so years in command, then accepting a promotion... settling down on Earth in some distinguished research position... and somewhere in there I would have found the time to start a family... Basically, I was going to live happily ever after." She laughed then, and shook her head, seeing the absurdity of it all. "Hardly realistic, was it?"

Chakotay rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You can still live happily ever after. We're almost halfway home after only four years. Think where we might be after another four? And you know that one of these days B'Elanna and Seven are going to figure out how to modify Voyager for the transwarp drive, or find something else that will get us home faster. You might have lost a few years, but otherwise you'll be right on track for the admiralty."

"My career will still be on track. My life won't be. There's a big difference between the life I should have had and the life I do have, Chakotay. Out here I'm alone." At that Chakotay rose from his seat and moved a few steps away, but she didn't notice at first, absorbed in herself as she was. "You know, there haven't been that many times in my life that I haven't been with someone - ever since high school. There was the Academy, I suppose... What? What is it?" she stopped as she suddenly realised he was standing and staring at her with his hands on his hips.

When he spoke his voice shook with anger. "I'm so sick of hearing that from you! That you're alone. Maybe I should be getting used to it, but I always think that maybe this time, I'm getting through to you. But every time, we end up going through this routine, and I realise again how little I must mean to you. I don't know why, but I always manage to delude myself into thinking that if I give you some more time..." He sighed. "I don't know what you're looking for, Kathryn. I'm not sure what more I can do - how else I can convince you that I'm here for you."

"I never asked you to wait for me, Chakotay," she said simply when he fell silent.

"You never told me not to either!" he accused, "There were a hundred times you could have said something - could have said that this was as far as it could go. But you always led me to believe -"

"You believed what you wanted to believe, Chakotay," she said, more than a little harshness in her tone. "It's not as if in all that time you ever confronted me about it."

In that moment it became clear to them both. She had never said anything because she didn't want to have to tell him 'no', and he had never asked, because he didn't want to hear it. They were both to blame for the situation. The tension between them deflated in an instant.

"It's not as if anything would have changed had either of us said anything," he said as he leaned against the bar facing her, "After all, there isn't all that much room on Voyager for moving on, anyway."

"No. No, there certainly isn't."

"Then it looks like we're back where we started, aren't we?" he asked rhetorically.

She nodded anyway. "I suppose the only thing we can really do is... hope to Hell we get back soon - that we're not out here for the rest of our lives," she said, trying to add some brevity to the conversation.

At that Chakotay shook his head, his face sad. "There's another option, Kathryn, there always has been."

Her voice was equally sad, but firm. "Not for me, Chakotay."

They looked at each other for a long moment. He saw regret and determination in her eyes, and an apology of sorts as well. She, on the other hand, saw bitter longing, and hope, even then. It was that fleeting hope that almost made the difference. Almost. They looked away.

Chakotay picked up his drink as if to finish it, but returned it the bar top untouched. "I can't..." he began, then trailed off as if he suddenly saw the futility of it all. "I'm sorry," he said instead, his voice empty, and added as if in afterthought, "I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow."

"Chakotay wait," she called after him as he began to move towards the exit. He stopped but didn't turn. "You said I never told you before... Well I'm asking you now... not to wait for me."

There was a pause before he answered her with a slight shrug. "It doesn't matter anymore, Kathryn."

She watched him go. He didn't look back, as she secretly hoped he would. His face might have told her what he'd meant by his words. Did they mean that whatever she said, he would wait for her anyway?

Or did they mean that he'd finally given up?

Fin.

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Tom thought about B'Elanna times a day when he was in the brig for 'thirty days'.