Hey everyone!

Yes, this is yet another one of those stories that I didn't mean to write. Don't expect great things from this - I didn't spend much time on it. And I feel I should warn you... This is another one of those stories that is a real stretch. I mean, 99% of fanfic would never happen in a million years on the show. But this is one of those ones that you really have to work at to see happening. There are quite a few of these around. The characters are acting just a tad unlike themselves. But I mean, come on. If they acted like they were depicted in the show, all we'd ever see is Captain Janeway patting Chakotay on the shoulder while he's drooling after every tall buxom blonde in sight. Not a happy thought.

Quick, you better read this before you get depressed. See, in actual fact, this is how the story really goes. All those Star Trek writers are living in a fantasy world - one where Janeway and Chakotay aren't madly in love.

Disclaimer: The Star Trek universe, and all therein belongs to Paramount, not me. No infringement of Copyright is intended. Please don't sue me, I'm not making any money out of this.

Uh, this is set sometime after 'Hunter', by the way.

Ayala's words came back to him now, as he walked down the empty corridor with her.

"Chakotay, I don't mean to pry but uh... are you and the Captain... you know..."

Then there had been an uncomfortable pause as Chakotay had just looked at him with a blank expression. Ayala had gotten nervous, thinking he'd upset his commanding officer.

"Cause I mean, I didn't mean to pry. We were just wondering... and you know, nobody minds that you're... But you're right! It's none of our business anyway..." Finally he'd fallen silent, taking a large gulp of his drink.

Then Chakotay had laughed, and leant on the back of an empty chair. He'd laughed, and told them they didn't have nearly enough work to do if they were speculating on his personal life. The group around the table in Sandrines had laughed too. They'd probably forgotten all about it by now.

As he walked beside her down the corridor, though, he wondered whether or not he should tell her. She was chatting away at the moment, oblivious to his thoughts, about some conversation she'd had that evening with B'Elanna, Carey and Vorik. Something about engineering that he wouldn't have been able to follow even if he had been listening. Eventually she slowed down, though, and there was a lapse in the conversation.

"I found out something interesting tonight," he said casually, wanting to make light of the situation until he found out how she'd react, "Were you aware the crew thinks we're um... dating?"

She almost missed a step. She obviously hadn't been expecting that. But he had to give her credit, she took it quite well. He could see her hesitating in answering. She was probably thinking about their recent actions together - tonight as well as over the last few months. The touching. The laughing and teasing. The way they always seemed to drift together in a crowded room. The way they always ended the night at the same table, usually sitting next to each other, deep in their own conversation. The way he watched her when she was playing pool, and how they sometimes finished each other's sentences...

When he thought of it like that, it wasn't hard to see how the crew had got the wrong idea.

"Well," she began, and he knew immediately that she was going to try to make light of it as well, "This crew gossips so much, I guess it was only a matter of time before we were included in the rumour mill." She laughed out loud. "It always amazes me how they can make something out of nothing."

He laughed too, but it was a sad laugh, and more than a little bitter. She noticed, and he silently cursed himself for showing too much. She stopped walking, and put her hand on his arm to stop him as well. He tried to keep moving.

"Chakotay..." Her voice, dismayed and hurt, made him stand still. She came around to face him. "Chakotay. You know why it would be a bad idea. You know why we can't, don't you?" Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.

He understood all too well, but he wouldn't make this easy for her. "I know why you think we can't, Kathryn."

She looked away, down at the floor. "Oh Chakotay," she said softly.

God, he hated it when she said that. He'd heard it before, and he'd probably hear it again. And he hated it every single time.

"I could change your mind," he blurted out suddenly, not really knowing where the words came from, "If you gave me the chance, I could change your mind."

Even to him the words sounded over-confident, and she looked back up at him in surprise and even a little amusement. She shook her head slightly.

"I don't think you could, Chakotay. I'm not quite that fickle."

"What's the harm in letting me try, then, if you're so sure of yourself?" This conversation was certainly taking an interesting turn, and he was going to take advantage of it.

Her eyes widened incredulously. "I don't think that's a very good idea, Chakotay. I think -"

"Are you afraid I might succeed?"

"No!"

She was getting indignant now. This was perfect.

"Well, if you're so sure of yourself... Come on. One evening. Just give me one evening to try and change your mind. You said yourself you're not afraid."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "You seem overly sure of yourself, Commander."

"And you seem less than sure of yourself, Captain. Worried you might not be able to resist me?"

Her mouth hung open at his audacity. He was a little surprised at it himself.

"Certainly not!"

"Then prove it."

There. The challenge issued. And the Kathryn Janeway he knew never backed away from a challenge. He watched her eyes glint dangerously. She knew full well she'd been set up, but her own stubborn nature refused to let her back down.

"Fine. When?" she demanded crisply.

"Tomorrow night," came his immediate reply. "Dinner in my quarters at 1900 hours. I'll see you on the bridge tomorrow, Captain." And with a triumphant grin he entered his quarters and left her standing out in the corridor.

As the door slid shut behind him a single thought ran through his mind. This is an absolutely brilliant idea.

She stood in the middle of the corridor for a few moments. She hadn't even been aware that they'd reached his door. Finally she moved off in the direction of her own quarters. She frowned slightly as she walked, a single thought running through her mind. This is a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.

The next day was interesting. Chakotay chuckled as he raced round his quarters, thinking of the way she'd been avoiding him all day. She'd spent almost three hours in Engineering with B'Elanna, and another two in Astrometrics with Seven. She'd gone to lunch with Tuvok, citing a need to discuss some tactical strategies. The rest of the time she'd been in her ready room. And the few minutes when she did actually sit beside him on the bridge she'd spent trying not to look at him warily out the corners of her eyes.

To anyone else it probably appeared as if she were merely having a busy day. But she was avoiding him. He could tell.

He hadn't been able to resist sending a message to her desk console, five minutes before alpha shift ended. He laughed some more as he thought about it.

1900 hours Kathryn. Don't be late, and wear something nice.
~ Chakotay

She'd emerged from her ready room a few minutes after that, just as he was supervising the shift change. The look she shot him as she passed him on the way up to the turbolift had conveyed a clear message. You think you're pretty funny don't you? Well I'm not amused.

It had been quite an effort not to smile as he gave Lieutenant Rollins some last minute instructions.

But it was now 1857 hours. She'd be on time, of that he could be sure. He made one last tour of his quarters, making sure everything was perfect. It was. He'd gone to a lot of effort to set just the right tone for the evening. After all, it was very important that nothing went wrong. He really, really wanted things to go well. He might never have a chance like this again.

Then his door chimed. Panic seized him for an instant before he took a deep breath and gave himself a mental shake. I am not a teenager, he told himself firmly. This is not my first date. I am a mature adult, perfectly capable of entertaining someone alone for an evening without making a fool of myself. Unfortunately, telling himself that didn't make him any more likely to believe it.

He walked over to the door and keyed it open.

"Kathryn, come in. You look lovely," he told her as she entered slowly.

And she did, dressed in a dark blue dress with a matching scarf that trailed down her back. He tried not to stare as he motioned her over to the couch.

"Have a seat, and I'll get you a drink," he said, trying to put her at ease. She looked quite composed, but he could tell she was slightly apprehensive. He joined her on the couch and handed her a replicated glass of wine. "Before you say anything, I just wanted to apologise for teasing you this afternoon with that message. I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself. Especially not with the way you were avoiding me all day."

She opened her mouth to protest but appeared to change her mind. She gave him a crooked smile instead. "You're right," she admitted, "I was avoiding you today. It's just that I was feeling a little uncomfortable about this whole situation."

"Are you still feeling uncomfortable?"

She hesitated. "Well, you have to admit, Chakotay, that this is all rather strange. I guess I'm just feeling like I was pushed into this. Which I was, mind you," she said accusingly, some of her natural confidence returning with the words.

He hung his head in mock shame. "Well, I had to get you here somehow, didn't I?" He ploughed ahead, not wanting to give her a chance to think about what he was trying to do tonight. "But please relax. You know I would never force you to do anything, Kathryn. I don't want you to feel pressured. If all you want from this evening is to have dinner with a friend, then that's all it will be."

"Thank you, Chakotay," she said gratefully, reaching out a hand to squeeze his shoulder.

"And I swear to you," he continued seriously, "With the most sacred oaths of my ancestors, that I will only ever seduce you with your express permission."

She let out a laugh at that, her smile lighting up her face. He chuckled in return, thankful for getting the response he'd hoped for. He took her glass from her, picked up his own from the coffee table, then stood to lead her over to the table.

"Come and sit down then, and we can eat. I hope you're hungry."

The tension having dissipated, she followed him eagerly across the room. "Yes, I am. I hardly ate at lunch today. Could you believe what Neelix was serving?"

And then everything was alright for a time. They talked comfortably for the rest of their meal, sharing stories and ship's gossip, laughing at themselves and at the rest of the crew. And as they were eating desert, Janeway suddenly found herself telling him about Mark. For the first time it didn't make her feel uncomfortable to speak of him.

"Well, he and I grew up together. I didn't like him very much at first - he was the odd one out in school. The unpopular kid. But as we grew older, I came to value his friendship - especially when we were both leaving to go off to different schools, and everything was changing so quickly. We drifted in and out of each other's lives over the years, and eventually he was there to help me through a... rough time. I suppose it was inevitable that we became lovers after that.

"Were you surprised when you found out he'd gotten married?" he asked out of pure curiosity. She paused, her lips pressed together and he immediately amended, "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that."

"No, it's alright. I was just thinking... I wasn't really surprised. I think it was just a matter of having had something for a long time, and then having it suddenly taken away... Did you know we were engaged?" she asked suddenly, and she could tell by the widening of his eyes that he hadn't. "We hadn't announced it officially. Just our families knew, really. He proposed just before I was given Voyager. And I think that at the time I accepted him, I actually believed I could marry him. But then I took command of Voyager, and we got stuck out here, and I realised after a while that I could never have gone through with it. I couldn't have married him. It wouldn't have worked, because eventually he would have asked more of me than I could give. And I loved him too much to make him go through that."

Chakotay wondered for a moment whether she even realised she was still speaking. He hadn't expected this emotional outpouring when he'd brought up the topic to begin with. He realised she must have been wanting to explain this to someone, to get it out in the open, for a long time. He was glad she felt she could confide in him. She was still talking, though, her eyes focused inwards.

"So you see, in a way it was a relief to know that he'd found someone else. It hurt as well - to think that he'd given up on me. But behind that, I was relieved. Do you think that's selfish of me?" she asked sincerely, her eyes suddenly focusing on him.

"No," he replied thoughtfully, "I think that was a natural reaction to the situation. You were feeling guilty, and finding out that he'd moved on provided you with a release for that guilt. That was an outlet you'd been previously denied, when you didn't know either way. Probably wasn't very healthy."

"No, probably not."

She smiled at his answer, apparently glad that he didn't think ill of her. Seeing her smile, he wondered, not for the first time, how anyone - how Mark - could possibly have given up on her. During the first few years of their journey, Chakotay had found himself incredibly jealous of the enigmatic lover she'd left behind in the Alpha Quadrant. But now it had faded to a simple desire to be as close to her as Mark must have been. Mark had moved on, for which he was selfishly grateful for. Because now, as she'd admitted herself, she was without a safety net.

But he was damned if he was going to let her spend the rest of the evening thinking about an old lover. Tonight was for the two of them, and nobody else. He changed the subject, thinking that perhaps it was time to remind her why he'd invited her here tonight..

"How long has it been since you danced with someone?" he asked.

She hesitated as her mind switched topic. "It was just last month at that party. I danced with lots of people. I danced with you twice, as I recall," she replied with an amused half-grin.

He made a face. "No, I mean how long has it been since you really danced with someone?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, suspicious now.

"Computer, play selection Chakotay-omega-three," he requested.

Soft strains filled the room; a lilting melody, lovely and slow. She thought it might be Bajoran in origin. He rose and held out his hand, moving around the to her side. He picked up her hand in his when she didn't move it from the tabletop.

"Come on," he invited with a grin, "I don't bite."

She knew that it was a bad idea, but she let him lead her out into the middle of the room anyway. Probably the wine, she thought, without any real conviction, as she felt his arms move around her and pull her close.

"This is what I was talking about," he spoke softly against her hair as they moved slowly in time to the music. "How long has it been since you danced with someone like this?" he asked again, wondering if she was as intoxicated by these sensations as he was.

With her head resting on his shoulder, she let herself relax against him as she answered, "Probably as long as it has been for you."

"Way too long," he told her, thinking that he would never need anything else in life if he could just hold her forever like this.

She sighed her agreement, revelling in the feel of him next to her. She was being hypnotised by the rhythmic sway of their bodies, and the sound of his heart against her ear. She wondered if hers was beating just as loudly.

They danced for an age, two songs passing before Chakotay pulled back slightly. They looked into each other's eyes.

"You're probably not going to be very happy with me later," he told her, "But I don't think I can help myself."

With her arms around his neck, and his hands warm on her back, the kiss that followed his words was really just an extension of their proximity. Their faces were already so close that they were breathing the same air, and it only took such a small amount of movement for their lips to touch.

She didn't protest when she read his intentions in his eyes. Her mouth moved to his just as surely as his did to hers. She felt that perhaps the past four years were merely a precursor for this moment. And that maybe, just maybe, she'd waited long enough.

They kissed.

She'd always imagined it would be cataclysmic for them to do so. That time would stand still, or perhaps lose all meaning entirely. That the universe would fall away around them. That galaxies would be born and die in the wake of the first physical expression of their feelings for one another.

It was really just a kiss, though. Sweet, and gentle. Very human, and over all too soon. Reality began to creep back in, as it has a habit of doing, until she wasn't just a woman kissing a man. She was also a Starfleet Captain kissing her First Officer.

Chakotay felt her stiffen in his arms. He loosened his hold on her, wondering for a fleeting moment when they'd stopped dancing. He knew that to press her further would be disastrous. He hoped fervently that he hadn't already pushed too far. He stroked her back lightly, soothingly, hoping she wouldn't feel the need to break contact entirely.

"How do you feel?" he asked finally, aware that one of them would have to say something sooner or later.

"I'm alright, Chakotay," she said, knowing that he was afraid she might run away screaming at any moment. "That was... nice." She practically choked on the word. It felt like a lie. "But I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let it happen. I shouldn't have let things get out of hand like that."

She moved away then. He let her go.

"It was just a kiss, Kathryn," he said, and immediately felt as though he'd just told the greatest untruth of his life. "But it made you forget, didn't it? For a moment there, when we were dancing, you forgot all the reasons why we can't be together. It was working. I was changing your mind." He tried to keep the resentment from his voice, but only succeeded in part.

"Chakotay," she replied, dismayed, "I feel like I've let you down. I'm sorry. But it's like you said. I couldn't help myself. You're just... You're very attractive and I -"

"Wait," he interrupted her, "Let me ask you something. If there was suddenly a red alert, and we were called to the bridge, would you have any problem with taking command?"

"No, of course not, but -"

"Of course not," he repeated, cutting her off again mid-sentence, "Because nothing's changed, has it?"

"No," she answered carefully, wondering where he was going with this.

"Did you ever think that it might be that simple? That it really would be that simple because nothing would change? You'd still be the Captain... I'd still be your First Officer..."

She opened her mouth, to halt his line of reasoning, no doubt, but he beat her to it. He'd come too far now to back down. He began to move towards her, and she instinctively took a step back.

"You said you find me attractive?"

She nodded, then jumped when she suddenly found herself backed up against a wall. Chakotay stood directly in front of her.

"Tell me. I want to hear you say it," he whispered, and brushed her cheek lightly with the back of his hand.

His eyes burned into hers. God, he's making me feel like a school girl, she thought frantically, even as she spoke. "Yes I find you attractive, Chakotay. But -"

He stopped her words with his fingers over her lips. "And have I ever told you just how attractive you are to me?" He didn't wait for a reply. "I find you very attractive, Kathryn. See? It's so simple."

He lowered his face till his lips hovered over hers. He waited till she made the first involuntary movement towards him, then he pulled away.

She was breathing rapidly, but her mind wasn't clouded. She knew he was manipulating her emotions, and that she was letting him do it. She had to make him see...

"It's not. It's not that simple," she managed, shaking her head.

"But it is," he insisted, "I'm not asking you to give up anything, or compromise anything. I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm not asking for a commitment. I'm just asking you to let us find a way... to not be alone. Nothing would change. We'd just have someone to be with. Someone to hold and touch."

"I don't know," she said, her voice sounding strangely calm after his fevered plea. She raised her hand and placed it against his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch. "I think I want to," her voice trembled this time, and the smile she gave him was watery.

"Just let us try?" he asked, "That's all we can do. We owe it to ourselves to at least try."

She took a deep breath, gathering her courage. "Okay." It came out in a rush of exhaled air. "Okay, Chakotay. Let's try."

The smile that crossed his face then made it all seem worth it, she thought. She'd always loved his smile. His happiness seemed almost palpable. With her hand still pressed against the side of his face, he leaned in to kiss her again. Her eyes widened at his intention, and she ducked her face away. She knew without a doubt that she couldn't let it happen. She saw confusion register on his features.

"I'm sorry. But I'm going to need some time to get used to this. I will try, I promise. But we have to take this slowly. I don't want to ruin anything by rushing in head first."

He closed his eyes and nodded. Then, summoning up some will power from somewhere, he stepped away from her.

"I should go," she said, pushing herself off from the wall. Suddenly she felt very tired. The evening had been emotionally, if not physically, draining.

He nodded again. "Do you want me to walk you to your quarters?"

"I think I can find my way back," she told him with a wry grin.

Then, with one last clasp of hands, and a whispered goodbye, the door slid shut behind her.

Chakotay had to concentrate on staying upright. He knees seemed to want to collapse. He suspected that it would take a while for what just happened to sink in. He looked around the room. Signs of her were everywhere. The wine glass she used. The spot on the couch where she sat. The place on the wall she'd been pressed against as they'd exchanged those last few heated words.

He didn't want to touch a thing.

He slept badly that night. It was mostly because the thought of how she'd felt in his arms had haunted him for hours. But there was also a nagging feeling... A lingering doubt... The hint of a suspicion that perhaps she'd just been saying all those things. That perhaps she'd only agreed to try as a means of getting out of an awkward situation. But no. That couldn't be right. He told himself that over and over, but it didn't seem to help.

He just needed to see her again in the morning. He just needed a sign to assuage his doubts - to prove that it hadn't all been a dream.

In the morning his fears were laid to rest. He would be content now, to wait for as long as she needed. They would slowly let their relationship grow, and one day they would be together as he'd only dreamed of.

He read the message she'd sent for the fifth time before filing it away, and leaving for the mess hall.

1900 hours Chakotay, in my quarters. Don't be late, and wear something nice.
~ Kathryn

The End

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Harry Kim has been killed, genetically altered, and/or otherwise incapacitated times since arriving in the Delta Quadrant.