I re-did the "Do" page because I never update the entertainment stuff. It's better this way anyway, you know. *sniff* It gives me less to worry about and the page isn't too stuffy, eh? As some of you may or may not know, my composition did not make it to the finals. And I'm a lot better about it than I thought. Everything's cool. So today, Mr. Bush said he needed to check out how the communication between local, state and the federal government works or some shit like that. Wasn't he governor of Texas before he was president? I don't get it. Maybe you're supposed to be completely inept when dealing with a domestic tragedy. The former director of FEMA said today that it was the local and state goverment's fault that things didn't get accomplished during Katrina. He even tried to blame Bush for his failings; which I guess would work considering Bush hired him. I'm watching South Park on TV and it's making fun of Paris Hilton. Awesome.
Make way today, September 22, 2005
It is early in the morning and I should be asleep but I couldn't "fall" per say. I hate falling into the crowd, and that's exactly what facebook has done to me. Perhaps it was meant to be. I'm gonna share a pretty deep feeling with ya'. I sent off a composition to Ithaca Conservatory for a choral competition about two months ago, and tomorrow I learn whether or not it was "good" enough. I don't know what that means. I'm really fuckin' scared that if I don't make it to the finals I'll be devastated. This implies some sort of arrogance on my part and I hate that. But I know that most people who listen to my music like it, so there must be something interesting about it. I'm really anxious and I want it to be over with. And part of me doesn't want to make it because then I'll have to live up to someone else's expectations, and I've always had trouble doing that. It's just a simple composition and I don't expect to just make it right off the first time; that would be stupid. I suppose more than anything I just want it to be heard and to get some feedback on it. And without it being in the finals I won't get that because they don't perform them unless they get into the finals. God, I'm so whining. I'll guess I'll have to call the whambulance.
Make way today, September 18, 2005
I've noticed that I've been analytical of the world in the last several entries. I'll try to stop that. Life is good but hectic. I have three billion zits on my face because of all the stress. I hate that shit. I went to my grandfather's last night where a whole bunch of family showed up and hung out. It was great. I've got to go to bed soon because I've been getting way too little sleep lately and it's having an effect on normal things. It's early in the morning by the way on this, September 18th. That facebook thing has completely consumed too much of my life over the past week or so. I know exactly why it's addictive, now I just have to control it. It's getting easier. *sniff* You really do find out so much more about people on it, however. I'm going to try and write more often for all of you Disonosid buffs out there. Maybe I'll try and write more about my life and what I'm doing instead of boring you with all this philosophical bull shit. Unless you like it? I don't know.
Make way today, September 8, 2005
I already know I take life for granted so this isn't some grand epiphany, but for the past few days I've been thinking about how easy it is for me to just get in my car or drive by the store or even to just sit here and write this meaningless journal entry. I am so safe it's unparalleled. I can turn a knob and clean water comes out of the faucet and I can sit in the privacy of my comfy room and compose a ditty or two. All without having to worry about someone just barging in and shooting me, or maybe the house filling up with water because of a hurricane. I don't have to worry about standing on my bed while my entire life is enveloped by an angry force of nature, and about whether I'm going to make it out alive or not. I don't have to climb to the roof because my entire house is filled up to the ceiling with water, and then endure hurricane force winds that are threatening to blow my family away forever. I am privileged that all my belongings are dry, and everything I consider valuable is not floating away. My parents are safe. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. And I believe that everyone who has lost someone during this is thinking the same thing: what will I do without them? Sometimes I'm in a bubble, and it's simpler to just think of everyone I care about as the only people in the world. When 9/11 happened I was devastated. I walked around the house in this frantic sort of daze spewing forth inexplicable sentences while I got ready for the drive to UCA. But the bubble was shattered and I was completely vulnerable and it was hard to comprehend. Luckily I had a long drive ahead of me to think about the situation. Back to the main point... And that is, that everything I do forces me to take notice of everything the victims of the hurricane cannot. Just normal, everyday things that we as Americans take for granted. (I almost wrote a really controversial sentence that, if you ask me about sometime, I'll let you know what it was.) Anyway, I've been told that if you want to donate anything else, donate time and essential items to the victims. The relief organizations have enough money, and too much of it is used for administrative nonsense. And one last tidbit. I don't think there can be any argument that someone high up in the government royally fucked up. This isn't some blame game, this is the truth. People died because of someone's incompetence. It shouldn't be the local or state government's job to ask for help when you can plainly see the countless accurate predictions, the actual devastation, and the horrible aftermath. You don't wait for a fucking damage report before you begin helping someone. It's negligent and stupid and contrary to human decency. Do you allow your child to run around the pool knowing he/she could fall in and drown, then go inside to get a refreshing drink, or do you take action to protect the child from a recognized, impending tragedy? Tangent. For now however, the governmental effort should be concetrated on making things easier for all involved. Peace and love.
Make way today, September 3, 2005
Amazing new look! Same great taste! I like red at the moment. I don't really have much to say that hasn't already been said about various topics. A train blowing its diminished horn outside and the hum of my computer provide some peace at the end of a very hectic week. But any problems I might have pale in comparison to other's. Things like this should give us an idea of how blessed we are, and about our own obligation to help those in need. More than any seemingly religious obligation we might think this applies to, it is our human obligation that should provide us with that spark of decency. That's just my opinion.
Charting my destiny on August 30, 2005
My parents came and visited me this evening and they're just as nutty as ever. My mom's hair is really short, but it looks good. The hurricane blew it away. Just kidding. Since my parents are refugees I paid for dinner. I'm such a good son. The images of the aftermath of the hurricane are just surreal. To see nearly an entire city under water is something that just doesn't happen here in America. Weather has always intrigued me a great deal. Tornadoes and cloud formations in particular catch my eye every now and then. More than one person has had to deal with, what I'm sure they consider annoying, my constant ravings about the beauty of clouds. This certainly doesn't make a meteorologist out of me, but the desire for knowledge is there. Which is just one of the things I've considered doing instead of music. If you can stand needles, which I can't, donate some blood tomorrow.
Charting my destiny on August 29, 2005
It's been a depressing day. I'm not sure why. I've seriously been thinking about changing my major. The more I do this music stuff, the more discouraged I become. And it doesn't help that everyone wants something from me; older and "wiser" people telling me I should do this or I should be here or I should snub this person or that. If this is what college is like, what will the "business" be like outside of this? If I'm always this nice and I can't ever say no, what the hell will I do? It's easy to say no to your peers if what they want from you is not what you want to give them, but it's not easy to say no, or even yes, to someone whom you wish to impress or you think may be a potential connection. Especially when two different people have annoyingly conflicting ideas about vocal beauty. And it really is all my fault in the end. And I'm not fishing for a compliment or a guestbook signing. Do you ever want to say to someone, "this is how I feel, I know it sounds pitiful but just listen". But when it comes to listening to someone who is down, human nature can be really fickle. Sometimes you care, and sometimes you couldn't give a rat's ass. And most of the time, you have no idea what the hell to say. You start off with the favorite, "Well...", and perhaps you could end with, "...it'll be all right." It could be a problem that is easily solved or maybe it's someone who already knows what to do they just need you to say it. But I think most people just want an ear. So give them the one from the bad side and tell them to go away. And then rush to a doctor cause it could be bleeding for a while. And then there are those people who really don't give a shit, they've got life figured out already and that means they're better than you, but they'll still listen to your problems because it makes them feel a lot better about their own lives. Yeah, those people suck anus. They can sometimes be noticed by seeing if the conversation that's supposed to be about you suddenly ends up about them. It can be hard though because sometimes they're just trying to relate and that's okay. But we're all selfish at one point or another, eh? On a final note, my parents are in town because of that evil bitch of a hurricane. No doubt their apartment is flooded since they're on the first floor. They're coming to see me tomorrow. If by chance you would like to see them, give me a call. They love hanging out with my friends.
Charting my destiny on August 27, 2005
I had a couple of really weird dreams last night. They were completely off the wall and both of them had to do with the end of the world I think. I can't remember much from the first one except that I was running from something and that I had to get to different levels or something. The second one had to do with this plane that had a nuclear bomb on it, and only through detonating the bomb could you get to the bottom of the ocean with the real threat. Have I lost you yet? Except I wasn't in charge of that. I was actually trying to spend ?my last days? in this field that's in front of my house in Cabot, and it ended up that I and the people who were with me found this really ancient set of buildings that someone was decorating with Christmas lights. Are you still there? And then I woke up. It was wacky. And I know that if I remembered any more of it, it would be even wackier. Anyway, we now have hot water here at the new residence so I don't have to go to other people's houses to take a shower. Pat Robertson is an idiot, eh? Fundamentalist Christians wonder why other religions tend to not like them, and then ol' Pat comes along and gives them another reason. How can someone honestly say that this crazy speaks for them? An influential political leader says "masturbation" on television, something normal people do, and gets fired. An influential religious leader calls for the assasination of a political leader, and he just gets a whole bunch of press. No resignation, no I'm sorry, just a "that's not what I meant" sort of statement. This is why seperation of church and state is a good thing. Once a reckless religious leader has enough power to manipulate the system, they will. Just look at the Crusades or the Spanish Inquisition. A religious leader calling for the assasination of someone is barbaric and not an example of Christianity.
Charting my destiny on August 23, 2005
I must agree with my fellow web enthusiasts that time does indeed fly. It feels like yesterday I was hoping that this summer would be a good one. It was not a good summer, nor was it bad. And even though there's still a month before it actually ends, summer has always unofficially ended with the beginning of school. Ever since I started Kindergarten, in my mind the start of the year was and is September. A little odd, but considering the circumstances I don't think it's too surprising. I'm officially moved into the new house and it's pretty great. It's really big and my room is not as claustrophobic. Today the bug people came and sprayed because the house was infested with those large, flying roaches that we all love. Hopefully they will be gone soon. I don't have much else to say so I wish everyone a great school year who's going to school. And a special shout out to Karen who's going to a new school in a far away land. Peace and love.
Charting my destiny on August 6, 2005
School is approaching fast it seems. Jennifer gets back from Canada today and I see her tomorrow. I've missed her a whole bunch. I'm in Conway at the moment. I spent the night last night because it's the only day I know no one is going to be here. There really was no other reason. Life is good I suppose. I had a very depressing day in the middle of the week concerning my future. I've spent too much time in college and really it was my decisions that caused that. I'm honestly okay with the amount of time I've spent here, but every now and then the future rears its ugly head up and says, "unclear." That's pretty scary I think and I know I'm not the only one going through something like that. Most everyone who reads this can relate and that's good; on the level that misery loves company I mean. I'm going to go grocery shopping today for the first time in a month and a half. Yeah, I've been at my grandfather's that long, and it's been great. I get bored every now and then, but nothing beats spending time with someone as awesome as Pa is.
Charting my destiny on August 2, 2005
So this is August. The dog-days of summer are upon us. I've been weed-eating and I'll go out later to do some more, but for now here's a journal entry. In my recent readings I discovered something quite interesting. Perhaps I am intellectually behind, but I think considering my universal stance on the salvation of others, this is definitely worth mentioning. John Calvin, the founder of Calvinism, was influential in having a "competitor" burned at the stake. That's not very Christian now is it? I have been vocal to several people about my dislike of this type of Christianity, however I won't be pretentious and claim that my feelings stemmed from some unknown factor that I just knew was there. I'm also not claiming that I think Calvinism is expendable because of this fact. I already thought that before. Just kidding. Or am I? Now that I've democratically absolved myself from having a solid opinion. No, I kid, I kid. Michael Servetus, a Spanish theologian, was condemned by the Reformation and the Roman Catholic Church for his views on Christianity. He was investigated by the Inquisition where he was "convicted", I'm guessing, of heresy. He escaped prison, and during his travels he ended up in Geneva on his way to Italy and was seized by Calvin's order. Through the internet I've found conflicting reports on what exactly happened at this trial, but all agree that Calvin argued that Sevretus should be put to death for his "heretical" views. Eventually, he was burned at the stake. Charming. More evidence I should be a Buddhist. In all fairness, this did happen over 450 years ago, and that's plenty of time for this sect of the Reformation to heal and realize it's mistakes. However, the fact still remains that the founder of this particular sect was responsible for the death of an innocent, simply because Calvin thought he was a heretic. I wonder how I would fair in that time period. Would it be okay to still follow an idea created by someone who was desperate enough to kill another simply because a different point of view was presented? And how different is that from other religions who condone murder as a way or preservation and purification? Perhaps the last question is a bit of an exaggeration. All I'm asking for is an open mind. Peace and love.