| December 2004/January 2005 |
| Contemplating life on January 21, 2005 It's been two weeks since I last wrote and there is the possibility that this will be the last entry for January 2005. I've been extremely busy and stressed, and concerning that fact, it's a lot because I'm prepared and other people aren't. I don't really know what that means, but I wrote it for some reason. I saw a great bumper sticker the other day, so I put it's words as the heading of the "index" page. Pretty cool, eh? Jimmy's getting ready to go to work and I'm getting ready to unwind from a busy school week. I've had three voice lessons in the past week and I think I'm ready for a freakin' break. It's too bad that this weekend is not three days like the last one. I'm cold. I can't wait until February 27th. That will be a good day. Contemplating life on January 7, 2005 Well, here I am awake too early in the morning. It's nice to get together with old friends and talk about the "old" days. I miss my first couple of years in college, I had a lot of fun. It's nice to know that I still have people around who I can relate to those days with. I'm not sure if that last sentence is grammatically correct. And did I spell grammatically right? Anyway! It's nice to know that I've enjoyed my college experience. There are things that I wish that I had done and things I wish I hadn't, but all in all everything has been worth it; maybe even being here for six years and still having to take summer school this summer. Maybe. It's a new year and I guess that's cool. I don't know if I'm going to like it though, I've always had troubles with the number 5. I hated 5th grade and I hated being 15. Those were both awkward times for me. Perhaps there are others I'm not sure at the moment. I visited my grandfather yesterday and he's doing well. I haven't been able to see him much this Christmas break and I feel bad about it. Before I go to graduate school I'm going to move in with him for a couple of months so I can spend as much time as possible with him. I love him bunches you know? And he loves me so it sort of works out, eh? So my brother hunts deer now, officially brandishing himself the Arkansan redneck. He's got a huge ass truck and a four-wheeler that fits in the truck's bed. But he loves it so what can you say. It's starting to get light outside now so maybe I'll take a shower or something. Shubaduhwah!! Contemplating life on December 31, 2004 This will not be a happy new year. My troubles seem like nothing compared to the tsunamis that have taken so many lives. In fact, they pretty much are nothing. In Arkansas, the threat of a tsunami is non-existent, and it reminds me of how little we experience living in such an isolated part of the world. People here in America are so selfishly concerned with their lives, they forget what the rest of world is going through. Funny thing is, the earthquake might have destroyed less if it had happened on land, however I'm not a geologist. I'm not really sure what else to say. I don't know how everyone else feels, but this is a horrible tragedy and the loss of life is staggering and disturbing. One of the only things that most of us can do to help is pray, and God only knows if that will work. Contemplating life on December 27, 2004 Today's is Teresa Balloun's birthday so call her wish her a Happy Birthday or annoy the hell out of her. Whichever one suits you. I did both. Christmas is over, and lets just say it wasn't the best. I've been telling everybody it was "fine", but it could have been better. I got some cool presents I suppose. But that wasn't what I was after. And I accidentally deleted something again, this time from my main computer. It was a document and I had been working on it all year. I tried everything to get it back, and I don't even really know whether I deleted it or my computer ate it as a Christmas leftover. Ugh. I feel like Charlie Brown at the moment. Okay, good news now. I'm learning a really cool song, I got some computer games back from my brother so I won't be completely and utterly bored this week, and the house is all mine. Someone come and visit me, dammit. Contemplating life on December 23, 2004 So I'm all moved in to my new residence. Well, it's not mine, but you know. It's nice. I'm home alone at the moment and they are two dogs running around the house wondering where mom and dad could have gone. I'm so happy it snowed yesterday. It was such a welcome disturbance for Arkansas, where Christmas is always brown and green. And although it will be mostly ice by Saturday, it'll be different and that's cool. I think Brett, Andrew, and I are going over to Clem Infante's house tonight to have some dinner, but the roads might not cooperate. I hope they've been salting the highways or whatever they do. Although, it would be nice to just stay home and be with the puppies and play some games on my new Game Cube. I'm thinking about going down to Hobby Lobby in a moment and getting some of my grandmother's paintings framed. Andrew just called me and said that the roads in Little Rock are pretty bad and Clem called to reschedule so I guess I'm not going over there. Dr. Oeste and I will be making a recording for graduate school next week, so that should be fun. Zippity!! Contemplating life on December 17, 2004 I was a little emotional last night, to put it mildly. It takes a lot to get me worked up before I'll open up and talk about something that's been bothering me in my personal or emotional life. And it's sometimes helpful to know that when you reach out, a couple of friends will give you a hand. Enough with the mushy, on with the - uh - more solid things. I cleaned out a lot in my room today. Went with Brett to the Bethlehem House and gave them so old clothes, cleaned out and rearranged drawers so as to have more room, went to my brother's house and dropped off some boxes for him to store (I ended up putting them in the attic though), and dropped off some things at my grandfather's for him to store for me as well. I have a well-spring of places to store my shit don't I? Tomorrow I will begin taking small things over to the new place of residence. You know, even though it would take at least half-a-dozen trips, I could probably move all by myself. All the big things are small enough to fit in my 'Wagon one by one, or maybe even a couple at a time. That, of course, is just a thought. You know, moving on to another subject, I think I should have majored in psychology with a minor in music. If that was the case, I'd be in grad school right now, but it is not to be. With my recent "jump" into theater, I've realized all the other things besides music that I wanted to do with my life. Architecture would have also been cool, but the math would have been hell. Anyway, I love what I'm doing now too much I guess to make a life change. Or maybe it's just that I'm too far into it. Contemplating life on December 16, 2004 My mom, dad and brother are coming down on Saturday to help me move the big stuff out of the house. I think I'm a joke to some people. I really like making people happy and sometimes I personally do it at the expense of my own insecurities, quirks, etc. People enjoy the fact when they find out that others are just as human and vulnerable as they are, and then we can laugh at the fact that there really is nothing unusual about being as human as we are. But there are boundaries when it comes to how far I will go and how far I will let others go. As a side note, I have great respect for the people that I love and when I mess up I apologize and the matter is quickly forgotten. But lately it seems everyone I'm with has something wonderful to say about my flaws. And it's always people who are so sensitive themselves that I can't really say anything about anything in a clever yet playful retaliation, because they'll explode with emotion. And really, I could write a book on this subject because so many people I know are like this, and they're my friends and I love them. But I'm suppose to be "David Allison". A friend of mine once wrote in a Xmas card that I was so "David Allison" and that I should never change. It was nice and I love that card. But I don't think some people can take me when I'm not "David Allison". And just what the fuck is "David Allison"? "He" is the friend who makes others happy because he knows what being down in the hole is like and he knows how painfully and excrutiatingly hard it can be to lift oneself up. "He" is the person who has laughed so fucking much in his life that his laugh is now an old laugh. Dare I say it, a wisened laugh. "He" doesn't mind making fun of himself when the situation fits or even when it doesn't fit. Now, I suffer from a slight case of depression, that doctors like to call "anxiety". I am also passive aggressive. Now what happens when you mix the two? You get conflicting emotions that's what you get. And you get me, the real David Allison. The person who can't be just one thing for everyone, but many things because I'm human. And just as humans are physically made of many things, I'm mentally and emotionally made of many things. Which means my personality is going to be very...varied. I'm not always going to be the happy, thoughtful, amusing person that everyone seems to encounter. The person that everyone has "noticed a difference in" now that I'm on medicine. Every now and then I'm going to be a complete an utter asshole, and usually I'll never be able to tell you why. Either because I'm too nice or too passive aggressive. Every now and then I'm going to be mellow, which some people take for being an asshole and I have no fucking idea why. I guess when "David Allison" is mellow that means there's something horribly wrong with him. So basically I've covered two subjects: sometimes I feel like a joke to others whom I respect, and I'm human. And we breifly spoke of extreme sensitivity. Now the test is going to be T/F so you won't have to study that hard. Really, I'm just up late at night trying to figure out the past couple of weeks, or maybe even the past couple of months. I'm 23, and what person my age isn't struggling with emotion and with being human. And if they're not, perhaps they're just not human, or just out of touch. Or maybe I personally am a delusional maniac. Contemplating life on December 12, 2004 Madrigal Feast is over, my finals are finished, and Christmas break is finally here. It's hard to believe I'm almost finished with school. It's hard to believe all this is about to come to an end. I'm up late at night (early in the morning) because my duplex neighbors are having a party and their bass is pounding through our walls. I can't really say anything though because we just had a party over here two days ago and I do believe we were pretty loud. But I was asleep and it woke me up and I really hate being woken up. Seriously hate it. Anyway, I was just sitting here thinking about things I need to get done when I happened upon this very interesting website filled with pictures that told stories and such from the Bible, only in Lego form. I put the link up and hope that those who come here will have a good time looking at it. Some of it is straightforward story, but some parts of it you can tell the creator was having a lot of fun. The Laws are especially funny. Contemplating life on December 6, 2004 I just finished the two finals I had today. I think I did well in World Religions and I hope to get an A in the class. If I did better on this test than on the first one, he'll drop the first test, which would be good considering I didn't do so well. And if that's the case, there's a good chance I can get an A. German, however is a different story. Much of the test was made up of things we hadn't gone over yet. We had only covered up to chapter three, and yet there were things from chapters four and five on the test, and he clearly did not say anything about that. But he has been frazzled this semester and I can understand that, and maybe he'll figure out his mistake when all his students miss the same questions. I don't know. I'm hoping for a B in there. I can't believe I'm talking about my grades on here like this. Does anybody really give a shit? So juries are tomorrow and my last test is on Wednesday. I have to start packing things up for the move. I think I have plenty of boxes, but I first have to take things to my house in Cabot that I don't need because I don't think I'm going to have as much space as before. We have to record songs for Chamber Singers on Friday, which is really stupid. And then we have to sing at graduation on Saturday, which sucks even more. I'm about ready to quit Concert Choir, it's getting really old. Contemplating life on December 1, 2004 So I'm moving out of 317 Elizabeth by December 19. It's going to be weird. I'm going to miss my home of three years. There are a lot of memories attached to this house; this room I'm writing this entry from. A lot of those memories are attached to people. Ryan, Michael, Sarah, Nancy, and the list could go on and on. And they're all good memories. I take the bad as lessons most of the time, I think. Sometimes I learn them well and sometimes I don't and have to be re-taught. I remember the first day I moved in. I believe it was January 5th. Or was it the 9th? Only Michael was here and he helped me move the very small amount of things I had brought to live my life here. Then Nancy came over and I bought a desk and chair from Wally-World. It was a good day. I remember I got sick soon after I had moved in and went home to Cabot to get better before coming back; I didn't want to get Sarah and Michael sick. The first time I ever got truly drunk was in this house, and Nancy and Brett were there to "coach" me, telling me every step of the way I was drunk while I denied it. I love to talk with people and share my thoughts, and I have fond memories of many wonderful conversations with all of my roommates. I've probably gained about 15 pounds since I moved here, not too shabby. Anyway, there's a whole bunch of sentimental shit I could muster up for an amazingly dull entry but I won't. Okay, maybe I already have somewhat. Things are going to be a lot different, and since I'll be moving to another state soon, hopefully, the change will be good for me. Madrigals started on Monday and it's my last one. Lots of things are coming to an end aren't they? *sigh* |