Christmas was mildly depressing this year as it has been since I was about fourteen years of age. You can ask me for the details if you happen to see me.
I think I'm going shopping today with some of the money I've received. The rest will be put to use for bills and such. The life of a poor boy. Financial sidenote: Everybody thinks I've got money because I'm good at saving it. I don't save it to be stingy, but because I'm in college and I never know when I'm going to need it for something important. Like tires for the car I'm currently driving or a French prostitute. 'Cause you never know when you might need a mild case of genital herpes.
I went to church yesterday morning, but had pondered the night before about maybe skipping this year. I woke up to GOOD Christmas music by the Dale Warland Singers and realized it wouldn't be Christmas if I didn't go. So I got up after three hours of sleep and took a shower. I don't know where I took it, but I'm sure it's in a place where I can't find it.
I did your mom on December 17, 2005
It's "holiday" break and I'm happy. I think I did well on my finals. I'm watching SNL and it's okay funny. My feet are freezing. I don't want to go to church tomorrow and sing all day. I think I'd rather just go to church. I think I might go to Taco Bell in a little bit. If you have to have a slab of concrete with the ten commandments on it in a government building, you probably don't get it. Worshipping a piece of marble concrete with words doesn't get you into heaven. Compromising security for security doesn't help protect a country, it just undermines the principles upon which that country was founded. I think our president read the wrong Constitution before taking the oath, or didn't read anything. Someone might say, "well, there's just some things the people don't need to know" and "we don't know everything that's going on." That's not a democracy. Not, not, not a democracy. Honestly it really isn't the fact that the wiretaps were authorized, it's that it was so easily accomplished and George blew it off as if he was doing something noble. I mean, the 9/11 commission just gave us a report that stated the administration was sucking up domestic security measures; basically saying that nothing's really been accomplished. You can't stand in front of the press and say your tye is blue when it's really red. My feet are still cold.
I did your mom on December 10, 2005
Do you ever finally get to know someone better and regret not pursuing a friendship sooner with them? I'm sure that's something we've all thought about from time to time, but my time here is running short it seems. There are so many people I wish to know and that I wish to establish some sort of connection with. But life is short and sometimes it feels as if it's too late; perhaps the time for meaningful communication has already passed. However, I've always had this nack for drawing people into my life. I"m not exactly sure what it is, but I'm lucky to have it. I love to love people and I love the reciprocation when it's given.
I had a good talk with a friend of mine about religion and discovered that we come from the same conservative background. It was nice to have a talk with a fellow former-Pentecostal.
Make way today, November 29, 2005
I was watching the news today and they were talking about "black Friday" which is the day after thanksgiving that all those special deals reveal themselves. I'm poor and I don't give very much to charity, but I wish that people were trampling others and crowding registers and counters to help feed the poor and give money to the needy or help out a working family with medical bills. Maybe even long lines at an elementary school to make sure children received the best education possible. Trampling other human beings to get to the best deals in the store is indecency and capitalism at its worst. But what do I know. I also noticed on all three of our local news channels that most of the ones being interviewed after the tornadoes yesterday, were middle-class. Usually God chooses working or poor Americans to terrorize with weather. Yea! No, seriously I'm just kidding, folks. I don't actually believe an omni-benevolent God would choose to toy with those below him. Or her. That would constitute jealousy and that's an imperfect emotion. And God's perfect, right?
Make way today, November 26, 2005
I can't sleep and I should be able to. I think perhaps I'm gaining my confidence back about being a singer. It's taken about eight months. There are a lot of reasons why it's taken so long, and the big one is not "graduate school dreams stomped". Though it did start with that, and I started to realize all these things that were wrong about where I wanted to go with my life. Usually if something bad happens involving a performance there's always something just around the corner to energize you. Except with this, my entire future changed and the reasons I was being told I was not "right" were reasons based totally on personal aesthetic assessment. Now how in the hell do you compete with that bullshit? I don't sound...opera...enough? Anyway, I've had bad voice lessons all semester so I'm hoping things will start to pick-up come next week.
Make way today, November 19, 2005
I spent an amazing day with my mom. She doesn't buy much for herself when it comes to clothing. Both my mom and dad are the type of people who don't concern themselves too much with the way society wants us all to conform when it comes to fashion. So I decided today I was going to go to the mall and get some really nice clothes for myself, and that I was going to take my mom with me and have her get some nice stuff too. Because she deserves it. And, yeah I'm a momma's boy, bitch.
Make way today, November 11, 2005
We go on choir tour in a couple of days, and it's obvious by the many times we are singing during it that Mr. Erwin is more worried about image than vocal health.
I'm really tired right now but I thought I'd make an entry on here. Not everybody seems too happy about me getting another degree. Of course the only people I really need to be supportive are my parents, and they're all for it. And the only person who needs to be happy is me, and I've that got that covered as well. Perhaps I'll be in the process of a new degree and discover I liked music better, who knows. I suppose I just hate the idea of being stuck doing one thing for the rest of my life. I love to compose and it's easy to say that I could do it for the rest of my life. But I have other passions and if I don't explore those I would feel like I was cheating myself. Life is too short to just do one thing.
Make way today, November 6, 2005
There's been some really weird older movies on TCM lately; it's been pretty cool. At the moment there's this old Sci-Fi movie with the buzzing synthesizer in the background that's supposed to provide that other-worldly feel. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. A beautiful blonde is talking about dying like a star. Oh. My. God. Becky, there are meteors that look like flying New Years Eve balls hitting their spaceship. Visual effects have come a long way. Now the beautiful blonde is asking one of the astronauts to come to her and put his arms around her if something bad should happen. This movie is soooo behind the times. And it's really trying to have a point and be philosophical. It's not succeeding.
Make way today, November 4, 2005
All Saint's Day was on Tuesday and it went very well.
Yay for nostalgia! My mom brought some old VHS tapes back from New Orleans that I had recorded TV shows on around the mid 90's. It's been quite a trip down memory lane. At the moment I'm watching an old episode of The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour that I taped. No, I don't have any idea why I taped it, but I did. I've always been a big fan of Lucille Ball. It's also really cool watching the old commericials, especially the car ones.
Make way today, October 30, 2005
Acccording to an Associated Press report, "the Bush administration has missed dozens of deadlines" concerning security since 9/11. Just one more level of incompetence our president has reached. Protecting the country from terrorism is the last key left they have in defending themselves because he's pretty much fucked up with everything else. Thank you so much, 51% of America.
It's been a good weekend 2/3rds of the way through. Today royally sucked ass. Not only was I depressed, I had to be around people while I was depressed. That just makes it worse. We had a long rehearsal at church for All Saint's Day on Tuesday, and it was long. Did I mention how long it was? Yesterday a whole bunch of us went to Memphis for a night at the opera. The opera wasn't that great, although the music was okay, but I had a lot of fun hanging out with friends. Friday I went to a costume party at Jennifer Crippen's and that was awesome. During the party, I set myself back several decades from the Women's Lib. and decided to play with some boobies. Of course, as is at every party I attend, there was some minor drama, but nothing that couldn't've been solved by Michael breaking a door down to save a sick person permanently locked in the bathroom. I'm really tired.
Make way today, October 26, 2005
All right, I must admit I'm really depressed and I'm going to the doctor on Thursday so that he can tell me what I already know. Therefore I will use this journal entry to be positive about my life.
I have awesome friends. I don't get to hang out with them as much as I might want to, and I've felt ignored lately which is probably just a symptom of depression, but my friends love me and they like to be around me. And I like to be around them too. As much as I like to be by myself I long for human contact. It's refreshing and when I'm around someone and I'm enjoying that time with them it's the best cure for my mental disorder. I'm touchy-feely with my friends, and I think it's possibly a sub-concious action based on a sub-concious mentality that I might lose them. And the best thing about that is I haven't heard any complaints...yet. Except of course, when I touch Andrew's nerve-damaged part on his leg. He hates that.
I have shelter, food, and money which is more than I can say for about 5/6 of the world. Things could be a lot worse for me and this is something I'm constantly telling myself when I'm frustrated with something that is way too small to really be frustrated with. I have a good life and I live in a free country, even with the Republicans having power over all the branches of government.
It's been difficult to love music lately 'cause when I get really depressed I don't want to listen to anything. But I'm a good singer and a good composer. And I know at some point I'll have to tell Dr. Oeste that I don't want to be a Tenor and he'll have to accept that.
This is totally out of character, but....God loves me. And when I say that to myself, and I usually ONLY say that to MYSELF, I can feel that I'm right. Of course, I'm a Universalist so you can apply that statement any way you wish.
Make way today, October 24, 2005
I did what's called "yard work" today and washed the car I'm currently driving. I went to my grandfather's today to spend time with various family members. Everytime I see my mom she says I look unhappy. I talked to my father on the phone about my future and he seemed to be supportive about me getting another degree. We'll see if my high blood pressure lets me live that long.
Make way today, October 21, 2005
Michael, Andrew and I went to Petit Jean today and it was awesome. Waterfalls are so noisy, yet so incredibly peaceful. And it was so much easier than Pinnacle. I really love nature. I love it because it's so real and so humbling. And I hate that most people don't give a shit about preserving it, and most of them are Christians. After Petit Jean I went to Wooly Hollow to hang out with some other friends and I had good time. So fall break has been good so far.
I haven't had much else to talk about but my life. I've been really concentrating on school lately...well more than usual anyway. There actually has been something I've really wanted to write down here, but it's incredibly personal. I'm sorry that's vague and we all hate vague entries
I'm watching The Colbert Report on Comedy Central and it's pretty good. Not as good as The Daily Show but still worth watching. It's obviously making fun of Bill O'Reilly which is great in of itself. First rule of entertainment: If it's melodramatic AND popular, it's comedic fodder. Especially if it's a show, like The O'Reilly Factor, that loves to scare Americans. Fear always brings good ratings.
Make way today, October 15, 2005
Went to Pinnacle Mtn. with Andrew and Michael. Oh. My. God. Becky. I'm so out of shape. Matt and Michael are in my room now, and now Matt is leaving to go to bed because he's had a rough two days at Wal-Mart. They're evil. And so is facebook, yet I can't tear myself away from them. I did make it to the top of the mountain however, so some accomplishment was achieved. There were a lot of rocks to climb over and I've always had horrible balance so I was very nervous going back down.
Tomorrow is the opera performance and it's going to be really good. Nancy and I are singing this song that's way out of place (it's Broadway) but still a good song. It had to grow on me before I actually liked it.
The shower is calling my name. *david, you smell* So says the shower. I will heed it's demands.
Make way today, October 10, 2005
The fundraiser for hurricane Katrina was tonight at St. Peters and it went pretty well. The scene from Barber kicked ass. I don't think I'm going to do my demon kitty song anymore, it's starting to annoy me.
I miss Italy. I miss the people, the food, the weather, the beauty. I don't miss the plane ride over there, I could do without that. And Milan sucked. And there's no Cracker Barrel. I kid.
After church on Sunday, I went to this book club thing that the new rector started. We read these short stories by Zora Neale Hurston and they were pretty good. I love the honesty of African-American literature. However, I did feel wierd being a part of a book club. It sounds boring but I enjoyed listening to each person's views on the stories.
I love The Daily Show.
Make way today, October 7, 2005
I have a creepy picture of Lucifer on my desktop. Why? Call me possessed.
I"m going to start seperating ideas in my journal for better reading and basically a more enjoyable experience here at Disonosid. Be sure to visit our store where you can get naked pictures of my roommates for only a dollar.
If I'm brave enough to ask someone to listen to one of compositions, please don't be a self-absorbed douche-bag when it ends and not say a damn word about it. Not only is it incredibly rude, my insecurity shoots way high. It's not easy to share something that I consider incredibly personal with everybody. Constructive criticism is fine, silence means you're just being an insanely pompous bitch and/or a horribly insensitive friend. I'm a musician and I'm sensitive about my shit! And on a postive note about this, there are a lot of people who listen to my music who say and have said some really kind things about it. They're attentive and open-minded, which is always appreciative. Just don't say nothin'! (notice the use of a double negative in the previous sentence which implies genuine emotion) *sigh* I'm so sensitive, aren't I? Wouldn't you be?
Being roommates with Matt and Michael is good. I'm sure they think I'm crazy because I spend a lot of time in my room. I don't know what the hell I could possibly be doing in there with the door shut.