| October/November 2004 |
| Sitting in my room on November 20, 2004 And then they were two. So I suppose it's about that time; the time in my life when relatives start dying. My dad's father passed away yesterday. It was a freak accident really. He fell down some stairs and hit his head. A man who had survived WWII and I think the Korean War as well, and a stroke. A man who had risen in the Air Force to the rank of Colonel, was married over 50 years, and raised three children. Just some of his accomplishments. But I didn't really know him. I have several fond memories of him and I loved him, but it's just not the same. I will miss him, but not as though I had seen him every month or even every year. So, I just thought I would write about it and let some people know. Sitting in my room on November 17, 2004 So it's early in the morning and I've been up since 4 am. Thinking, wondering, but not masturbating. I wish there was a way to come to terms with being human and having emotions. Even after all my convoluted thinking and conflicting processes of being who I am, I still have trouble being comfortable. I hate negative actions and thoughts and I hate the realization that sometimes comes with them; that I have been guilty of such a blatant atrocity. I always talk about bettering myself, blah, blah, blah. Only to realize that I'm just as ridiculously human as I've always been, all the "progress" I thought I had going whisked away in one conversation. And then I sit and punish myself for it. The "bad" about me always tarnishes me to a point where the "good" has lost it's luster. But it's all in my head, and like I said I never stop thinking. And lately I've started to realize how much of a slow thinker I really am. And I mean on a level of intelligence however, though other thoughts take a while. But that's a whole 'nother subject. The show is today and hopefully I'll be able to muster enough "goodness" in me to get through it. No, I'm kidding, I'll be fine. I'll be glad when it's over, then I can start concentrating on how much I hate memorizing bad opera. Or any opera. This whole entry is amazingly vague, is it not? Sometimes writing thought processes down for others to see is good for the soul. Or some shit like that. Sitting in my room on November 15, 2004 Two days until the performance of the One Act that I'm apart of. It should be fun. Although I've had a lot of fun, it will be nice when it is over so that I can have some more "David" time. I like that time. Thinking, wondering, masturbating. Good times, good times. So I had a horrible bowel "shake up" early this morning which caused me not to be able to function enough to get out of bed and go to school. It was not pretty. It was the kind of pain that you literally have to moan to because it hurts so much. The kind that causes you to rock back and forth like a mental patient. I think I figured out what has been causing it however. It's happened twice and both times I had eaten some rather questionable deli meat. Mmmm... I think I'll have some tonight! Life is good. Sitting in my room on November 10, 2004 You know, so much has been going on this past semester with school and life and all that, that it's difficult for me to remember anything anymore. I feel like everyday is important and that I might be forgetting something like a birthday or important event or a scheduled rehearsal or something. It's been down right busy, folks! The One Act that I'm in opens in a week and it's going really well at the moment. All the lines are learned, all the blocking is down and I go for a costume fitting sometime today. The costume is likely to end up being my madrigal outfit, however. Ironic, odd, yet effective I would say. I'm really glad John Ashcroft resigned. I really want to believe that Mr. Bush asked him to, because I think it would be a step forward. Mr. Ashcroft hasn't exactly been intelligent when thinking about the best interests of all Americans. I was glancing at my "page views" for my site and noticed they were pretty high during election week. I'd like to thank all of my loyal readers for making "Disonosid" your first visit for what was the 2004 election. Okay, I'm totally joking; I'm making fun of all the news stations. Sitting in my room on November 5, 2004 Today, Bush spelled out his agenda for the next four years and it honestly looks promising if he can do it. There will still be Iraq, there will be controversy over Supreme Court Judges I'm sure, and healthcare will certainly be a large issue. I really hope anyway. You know what really is a kick in the balls? John Edwards wife, Elizabeth, just got diagnosed with breast cancer. Sitting in my room on November 2, 2004 Election day is here. I'm voting today in Cabot with my mother. We're going to go to our precinct and do our patriotic duty. On the way I'm going to explain to my mother why I'm voting for John Kerry and try to convince her to do the same. She's already leaning that way, but it's always good to talk politics with someone like my mother. She hates it. She votes because she's an American and it's part of the process, and of course she votes for whoever she feels will do a better job. I've asked myself a lot of questions during this whole election deal. Will there be an attack if Kerry is elected? If Bush is elected? Is the economy really still in recession or is it gaining ground? Is government control of the healthcare system really a bad thing? Or is it a good thing? Will pigs fly? Why do I have a zit on the back of my neck? Why am I still awake? Who has the bigger penis? That's actually an interesting question that I never thought about until I wrote it. We'll never know, thank God. Do I believe there's going to be another terrorist attack? It's a possibility, but at the moment there doesn't seem to be any way to stop it. Say all you want about how protected the country seems, a terrorist attack is a likelyhood under any leadership. Like I said, I'm voting for John Kerry. I'm voting for him because I think that there's a lack of intelligence in cutting taxes and increasing spending, and I truly believe Democrats have a connection to the middle class. A class of people who I come from and hang around every day. It's easy for someone who has the money to ignore rising healthcare and prescription costs, and I firmly believe it's a God given American right to have access to affordable healthcare that can be trusted. And the whole "flip-flop" thing is old. Bush just pancaked on the whole gay marriage issue, and I know of a website with hundreds of quotes from Bush Administration officials with counter quotes which suggest a large amount of "flip-flop" has been going on there as well. Kerry certainly isn't the first politician to say things for political gain. "Compassionate Conservative" comes to mind. It's really compassionate to let the ban on heavy assault weapons expire so I can be mowed down in Little Rock by a random drive-by. I completely believe in the right to bear arms, but that's ridiculous for someone to say they actually need a gun like that. And honestly, I just don't like Bush as president. He's presumptuous and arrogant and always seems like he just doesn't understand why people disagree with him. That's never good. At the debates he looked annoyed; he must've blinked a billion times. I have many friends and relatives who have been negatively affected by the policies his administration has brought forth. There was a time when I saw Mr. Bush look presidential and it was after 9/11. I really did believe that things were going to get better. Little did I know that his objective was actually west of Afghanistan. Though he has somewhat "admitted" that there were mistakes in invading Iraq, they were still mistakes. And over a thousand Americans have died because of his Administration's poor planning. Thanks Rummy. Was it worth it? Did we really save Iraqis from Saddam's torture? That seems doubtful considering all the Iraqi civilian casualties. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad Saddam is out, but like I've said before... Really, all these opinions are basic and I could go into more detail, but I don't really want to. If Bush wins, that's fine and I'll be okay with that. I suppose. And I totally support those who vote for him because it's important to have solid viewpoints. I love my Republican friends, and I have a lot of them, one of which I hope calls me today so we can talk about the election and stuff. I wrote this journal entry for myself, really. I have grown so much as a person since I got into college and I am who I am today because I think. I'm critical of other's views and even my own. I'm voting for Kerry because I'm a complete and utter progressive who believes that change starts with a leader who can unite the American people not by relying on personal beliefs, a high approval rating, or faulty intelligence, but with a clear understanding that the phrase "American people" is not generalized but stands for each individual. Can John F'in Kerry do that if he's elected? God, I fuckin' hope so, cause if not I'm totally voting Republican next time. Sitting in my room on October 31, 2004 It's Halloween and it doesn't even feel like it. It rained a lot last night and got a good amount of sleep which I'm happy for. I didn't set my clock back so I'm up an hour early for church, but I needed to get up anyway. Too much sleep is not a good thing, or so I'm told. Plus, the lights went out so I had to reset my clock at one point (one of the times I woke up) and I thought for sure my cell phone was right, but alas, it does not set itself with the "fall back" thingy. Or whatever. I'm sort of bored now so I guess I could eat something. I remember one time when I was younger, when I was still going to that Pentecostal church, that my entire family got up on a day like this and didn't realize it was the end of daylight savings time. The funny thing is, we all thought we were late anyway, so we were rushing to get ready. We realized it a mile down the road. Good times. *sigh* The election is in two days and all I really care about now is voting. Sitting in my room on October 24, 2004 It's always fun to think about what could happen before the election. Each side claims they have the advantage even when they're behind. The site on the top of the "index" page is an "unbiased outlook" at what could happen. It takes polls from every state and analyzes all of them to give a nice round number to work off of. Keep in mind however, that polls are usually inaccurate by at least +/- 5%. And pollers don't call people who only use cell phones. Anyway, it explains all of that on the website. I think. I just thought it might be cool for all of you, Rep. or Dem., who are following the election to have a look. There are some things on the site that are biased, but the polls are not. Sitting in my room on October 18, 2004 Here I am, awake. I just want to say to Sarah Squire and Michael Watson, that I miss them a lot. It's not easy when your friends leave, especially ones you feel you've made a connection with. Or maybe a bond. Or something. I'm hoping Michael will move down here soon and I can "hang" with someone different, yet the same. If that makes sense. Enough of my sensitivity! The One Act that I'm in has become really cool. It always was but I'm really excited about it. It's awesome because I can showcase some comedic acting talent that's been boiling up for several years. I'm not the greatest actor, or good actually, but I can fake it and make people laugh. Hopefully, anyway. Fall break was much needed, and although it's over, it's nice to get back to school. The more I finish the closer I am to graduating, eh? I took a German test on the Wednesday before break and I'm hoping I did well. The test always seem to turn out different than how we do things in class. Which doesn't make sense, but he's a cool teacher and maybe I can get some bonus points later. Or some brownie points. It's late, or rather it's early, and I should be going to bed. I hope it rains today. Good night. Sitting in my room on October 14, 2004 It's been a while. Rehearsals with the play have been going well. I had forgotten how much I actually loved it. And Chad makes the rehearsals fun and interesting so that's a good thing as well. So, I watched a film last night that I truly thought I wouldn't like after hearing all the hoopla about it: Fahrenheit 9/11. Though there was much of the movie that showed bias, it was a documentary. And it was scary. The movie is incredibly detailed in the evidence it provides against the Iraq war and why Mr. Moore thinks it started. I wouldn't recommend some of this movie to my Republican friends however. But the evidence I think is worth looking at. The connections that the current administration has with the Middle East and its oil is disturbing. The amount of photos they have of both President Bush's and various members of the current administration shaking hands with Saudi dignitaries is disturbing. What in the hell are we doing over there? Bin Laden is a Saudi, 15 of the hijackers on 9/11 were Saudis; why are we not in Saudi Arabia instead of Iraq? Sitting in my room on October 4, 2004 I had a busy weekend. I had auditions at UCA for the Festival of One Acts on Friday night and Saturday morning. It was fun and scary. I haven't done anything like that in a long time. Anyway, I took a chance and I got into one of the small plays. A theater major named Chad Bradford is directing it. Incidently, a few years ago I dropped out of a musical and he was chosen to replace me. A little ironic? An actual coincidence? Fate? Anything's possible. It's a cool little play and it gives me some much needed experience. I haven't seriously "acted" in a while. All I've had is the opera and that's not exactly pushing the envelope. I want to apologize to Nancy for not making it to her birthday, and also send out some mojo to her, because as far as I know she's having surgery tomorrow. I hope everything goes well. I got some much needed money in from UCA on Saturday. A little late of course. I might have been able to do more with my weekend if I had gotten it earlier. But anyway, I won't have to bother my grandfather about gas money now. |