| Oh my God! Today is October 31, 2003 Today is Halloween, and I can't think of anything to talk about. I went over to Nancy's last night and Branson, she and I carved some pumpkins for the Halloween party today. They look really cool. My Xmas lights are on and I'm listening to the hum of my computer. It's humming an "A". If you haven't seen The Mothman Prophecies, you need to see it. It's a wonderfully suspenseful movie. It makes you feel...weird. I like feeling weird at the end of a movie. That sense that you just watched something intriguing enough to get your attention and make you think about life and what could be. Debra Messing, who plays Grace on "Will & Grace," was in it and did an excellent job with her dramatic acting. I can't believe it's about to be November. It feels like school started less than a month ago and now here we are. Time flies. My roommate Chase mentioned the other day that it's a shame he's met so many wonderful people and now some of them are about to leave and some already have left. That's really true for me as well because I've met a whole lot of people in college; many of whom I wish were still here and I miss them very much. It is so hard to not take time for granted. Oh my God! Today is October 25, 2003 I'm sitting here trying to think of interesting things to talk about but it's not working. My thought process has been lost for the past month I suppose. All I've been able to think about is school. I love where I live. I've really liked living here ever since I moved in nearly two years ago. And I think, and don't quote me, that I love the nights here the best. It's the city, but at night it's so peaceful. Across the street is my school, and the activity there just makes it hard to think that it could be peaceful at all. But when I sit here at night, and I can hear the train in the distance that comes every hour or so, it feels as if there is nothing where during the day there is everything. Sometimes I walk outside when everything is asleep and I'll just sit there on the porch listening to the ambience. A car will go by and I'll think about where that car could be going and what the hell anybody could be doing up at such a late hour. Okay, well I don't think the later part, but ya' know. For me, I think night is so great. Yeah, you're suppose to be asleep, but I've found that some of my best compositions or thoughts happen during that time. It's just me, and for a little while I can think about everything pertaining to me. I can reassess a way I think or a part of my life, or examine the day or figure why I am the way I am. Which could take years, but anyway. Just a few thoughts from a night person. Oh my God! Today is October 21, 2003 Okay, so I decided to make up my own caption for the picture. So Michael, Joshua, and Nancy all have Halloween themes for their sites now. I suppose now I'll have to be a rebel and not do anything. Anyway! I have to go practice A LOT today. Gotta be prepared to do well at NATS. Well, really I have to be prepared to do MY best, not the judge's best. Because really the whole point of NATS is to make the judges like you enough to give you high scores. Yes, yes, I've said this a thousand times and I'm sure everybody is tired of hearing it. But it's all political and that's how I feel. Some people are really good at making the judges like them, but I feel fake if I try to be something I'm not. I just want to write on my repertoire sheet, "This is my voice, deal with it." Course that makes it sound like I suck and I'm trying to make up for things, but that's not true. I hope. Oh my God! Today is October 20, 2003 Gosh it's been forever, eh? Fall break has been nice. The only thing I've done that is worth while is clean house for my grandfather. And composed I guessed. I went to a Phi Mu Alpha Province Council Meeting yesterday that lasted so long the tide came in. I hope everyone gets that joke. *snort* I was going to come home yesterday but I decided not to after I got there. I think someone has been sleeping in my bed. And I think they've been in my chair, and eating my porridge. You know, sometimes I feel so strongly about something that I wish I could show someone why I feel the way I do about something, more than just tell them. I am what I am, and I have given everything I believe in a lot of thought. I've often considered being political and everything but I don't think I could ever make a difference along the idealistic paths that I wish our government would follow. I've often considered perhaps going to seminary and becoming an Episcopal Rector or something, and sharing what I believe God to be. But at the moment, all I have is this dorky little website which I have put my time and effort into. And I'm proud of it. I hope that my thoughts on this journal have stirred the thoughts of anyone who has read it. Is that my total motivation? Nah. My real motivation is seeing how high my counter will go. Oh my God! Today is October 12, 2003 I often wonder where I will be in ten years. I remember when I was in school and they use to ask us that same question. "Where do you think you will be...?" But when I answer that question, I usually say where I want to be. Where would I like to be in ten years? I don't know. I suppose I would like to be making lots of money. But don't we all? I think more in depth when I ask myself that question now a days. Not "Where will I be...?" but "Where will the world be in ten years and how will it affect where I am?" Am I delving too far? I don't think so. And I think it is certainly relevant to think about. How will the world see me as a composer or a singer? Will I see the world with the same eyes that I do now? Will I be as idealistic as I am now? Will the world still be around in ten years? Will I have an extra mole somewhere on my body? These are the kinds of questions I think about now in my life. I don't have answers to them, I suppose I simply have a hope that the answers I want will come to pass. But I don't always get what I want, a drawback that is sometimes not always easy to ponder by some. And me. Oh my God! Today is October 8, 2003 So Arnold is going to be Governor. How sweet. How utterly wonderful and insightful of American politics to prove once again that if you've got money and if you've got a name, you can be elected into an office. This whole thing was a circus anyway. You had the porn star, the midget, the bearded lady, the ring leader, the weight lifter, and the list goes on and on. Arnold just happen to be the best attraction. You know, it's so easy to vote for someone who's famous, or for someone who can yell "I can do better!" amidst a broken economy and government. It's so wonderful how politics plays to what the populace wants to hear, and unfortunately the populace is listening. Which sort of works on so many levels, not just California. Oh my God! Today is October 4, 2003 I love October. I think it is a great time of the year, but that's just my opinion. I use to really love Halloween, but now I think I just like it. It's changed since I was little. At this moment, there were just little children outside my window. They live two houses down, but the world (and our yard) is their playground. How nice. Andrew drove me to my grandfather's house yesterday so that I could get his stationwagon and have a car for a week or two. After Andrew left I visited with him for a while and it was nice. I really miss staying there, especially now considering all of this drama that has taken affect. Nothing really has changed since I left. Pa (that's what I call him) was still watching the baseball games that I actually got into over the summer. He still puts my grandmother's mail on her seat. And the freezer was freshly stocked with turkey pot pies and banana popsicles. God I love those banana popsicles. I washed his cars including the stationwagon. While I was out there actually, some cops pulled onto the curve to the house across the street and stopped some guys that had been walking by. I had seen them earlier and I had tried to look as bad-ass as I could washing a light-blue Pontiac Safari. I didn't find out why the cops had stopped them, but they certainly used a lot of cars for whatever they were doing. Like two cars and a jeep, and there were only three guys. Boredom always gets the best of our esteemed enforcers of the law. Anyway! I think perhaps I'll go to my grandfather's tonight and go to church from there in the morning. |
| October 2003 |