| Dear Munro I have read your column fanatically since its inception. I know that wasn't very long ago but youve inspired me to follow in your footsteps. I want to create an advice column as good as yours. I was wondering if you could give me any pointers on how to go about this. -J. Mascis Dear J.M One thing you must understand is that you can never write a column as good as mine. Without the advantage of a giant alien brain or the wisdom found from travelling to thousands of different star systems over hundreds of years, you could never reach the same level as I. Please don't take this the wrong way, it's just that now that Ive begun this column it will soon become clear how incredibly superior it is to any other column on this planet. Therefore advice column writers will become completely redundant and this duty will fall solely to myself. You could try to start up your little dream and have it shattered within months, but my advice to you is that you jump the gun on the rest of the human race and become a burger flipper at McDonalds as that is the only occupation I would never touch. Dear Munro All my life Ive had a fear of alien invasion (or atleast since 'Independence Day' was released), and ive always thought aliens would be horrible violent creatures. Contrary to this ive found that you seem to be a nice guy, but are all martians like that? What else is out there that we should know about? And are any of them planning to attack Earth within the near future? -W.O.T. Worlds Dear Mr Worlds Your letter troubles me. Over the last few years Ive worked hard to overthrow the notion that all aliens are drooling, man-eating beasts with eight arms and bad guitar riffs. This is just not the case. My kind are considered the most peaceful race in the galaxy and plans for Earth domination could not be more ridiculous. As for other races of extra-terrestrial beings, we know of only two other life-bearing planets within our galaxy cluster. The planet Teflon is home of the Jump-Foils, who are distinctly recognisable from their alfoil jumpsuits. Much like humans they are far too incompetent to pose any real threat. The other planet Cutesy is home of the Cuddly-Puffs, a savage blood thirsty race with a taste for human flesh. But don't worry they won't invade until they run out of resources on their own planet, which won't be until atleast 2050. Dear Munro I am confused. Sometimes you are referred to as a stuffed toy and at other times, an all knowing superior alien being. Whats with that? - Inquisitive Dear Inquisitive You know what? You ask too many questions for my liking. Don't go poking in places your not wanted....... accidents happen. -ED. 'Munros World' takes no responsiblity for the comments and/or death threats of our writers. |
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