"When A Engineer Doesn't Feel Like A Engineer"
(Previous post: Francois' 'One Definition...')
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Stardate: 60319.1415
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Black Hole Lounge
David sat alone in a dark corner of the officers
lounge... named the Black Hole. Which was perfect
because he felt as if he had been sucked into one. It
had been over 4 days since he received the news of his
brother's death and nothing had changed about him. At
this particular time, he hated Starfleet with a
passion because it kept him from what was
important... and now that was gone. But a promise was a
promise and he re joined the Academy after dropping
out when his parents died... but that only made
matters worse. He hadn't been paying attention when
Sabrina sat in front of him and took his hand into
hers.
"David... I just heard the news and I'm..." and her
emerald green eyes met his. They were empty... all the
brightness that she admired about his beautiful hazel
eyes were gone. They were as dark and empty as space
itself.
"I... I really..." and she sighed and looked at the
former CEO again, who just stared blankly forward.
"Talk to me" she said.
"What is there to talk about?" David said flatly,
"Jor's dead... I'm stuck in the middle of this god
damned asteroid with *no* job, no family, and no
brother... boy... in this time, I'm glad my mother's
dead."
That shocked Sabrina. "Why would you say something
like that?"
"The promise I made her... and I failed at that." he
said above a whisper, "everything I do ends up in
failure."
"You could've fooled me... the engineer who for 3
years straight got the service award for having the
most proficient department."
David looked at her as if he was lost. "Do you *think*
that makes up for all the things that has happened to
me since then?!" he voice deepening, "not to mention
that most of it was my doing..."
"That's *exactly* the point David" Sabrina countered,
"sometimes your dogged determination makes you loose
your edge."
"Its that same determination that's gotten me where I
am... and now I regret it."
Sabrina's eyes narrowed as David sat back and steppled
his fingers and closed his eyes.
"Do you have any other regrets?" the ExO asked and he
opened his eyes slightly.
"You already know the answer to *that* question*"
David hissed.
Sabrina shook her head. "I know that was a difficult
part of your life... *our* lives" she corrected
herself, "but you assured me after my... 'funeral' that
all would be well."
"For you to have been a former counselor, sometimes
you can be real daft Sabrina." David replied dryly.
"Insults" she said nodding, "one part of the healing
process..."
David pounded the table with his fist. "*Don't* sit
here and psychoanalyze me! You have *no* clue as to
what I'm feeling or what I'm going through!"
He looked around and saw several other officers
looking in his direction. "What?!" the former CEO
boomed and they returned to their business.
"David... please don't make a scene..." Sabrina said as
he stood.
"Look... I just need to be alone Commander" and she
jumped up with him and cut him off.
"No... that's the last thing you need. Sit" she said
and from the tone of her voice, David knew she wasn't
joking... so he sat.
"Now... true enough there's been alot that has
happened, now isn't the time for you to shut down..."
He glared at her. "Oh... so this isn't a visit of
concern. Just to see if I'm still up... or maybe to
see if I won't crack up for the mission huh?
Well... rest assured. I'm ready."
"Are you sure? David... its ok to cry wolf in this
situation. If you need time, I'm sure James can remove
you..."
Again he thudded the table with his fist. "You'll do
anything to keep me on the sidelines won't you?! Not
this time" he snapped, "thanks to the three of you
I've missed enough action and I'm not gonna miss
this..."
"Blame... another part..."
David held up a cautionary finger. "Don't"
"I'm trying to help you as much as I can" Sabrina
replied, "but you're not making this easy."
David leaned forward on the table. "That's life
Commander. Deal with it."
That shook Sabrina because David had always been so
full of life... and sometimes with his temper he could
get carried away, but the thing she admired about him
the most was his zeal for life. How he woke up every
morning looking forward to the challenges of the day.
But from her vantage point, that David Dawson wasn't
sitting across from her. She wondered if he was
working himself into his character for the
mission...
"That wasn't fair David" she said through narrowed
slitted eyes.
"Life isn't fair. If it were, Jordan would still be
alive. *I'd* have more contact with my family and not
have them wonder just where the hell I am..."
"But you got family here." she countered.
"Where?!" David laughed flatly, "James? Serrena?
Pravat? YOU?!" he said as his eyes widened, "where's
my family?!"
"That's it... *us*" she said pointing to herself and
waving her arms towards the other officers in the
lounge, "we're all separated from our loved ones David
so we have to be there for one another." and she sat
back and laughed.
"What's so damned funny?!" he asked.
"You are... that's what. It *really* eats at me on how
you try to make yourself out to be the victim here
when we're *all* in the same damn boat! At times
David, you can be so selfish."
And the moment she said those words, she knew she put
her foot in her mouth because it was like tossing a
uncased quantum torpedo onto a fire.
"Selfish? Selfish?! Oh... that's rich!" David said,
"I'm selfish. We're all cut off from our loved
ones..."
"That's right" Sabrina snapped, "I haven't seen my
parents in over 6... count them, *6* years! I haven't
seen my siblings in that time either..."
"But you see your wife and your daughter *every*
night. *That's* more family than mommy and daddy..."
And that got the best of the executive officer. She
stood and slapped David across the face. "You bastard.
You know what, go to hell David. Sit here and sulk all
you want because clearly in the end its all what David
wants. So... so be it."
She turned and stormed out as he sat there and watched
her walk away. He sat back and rubbed his temples..
=====================
David had returned to the Black Hole lounge after the
meeting and saw a couple sitting at the table where he
had sat. He approached and was cut off by Ensign Mei.
"Hello David" she said as he looked down on her. A
small shiver went down her spine from that look. David
stood 2 1/2 heads taller than the ANUBIS' counselor
and from her point of view, was somewhat scary.
"Susan... *not* now" he said as he approached the
table.
"My table" was all he said and the lieutenant and his
guest looked at him.
"There're other tables around... go..."
"OFF YOUR ASSES!" David bellowed and they quickly
moved. After he sat a server slowly approached, but
thought better of it when David shot him an icy glare.
Susan sat opposite of him quietly as Serrena
approached.
---
"Congratulations on your receiving that award, it is more than well deserved." Serrena started out with as David glanced up and back to the
padd he was reading.
"Thank you, *Sir*."
Taking a moment to figure out why David had been so
nasty about this, the Romulan/Terran hybrid turned to
Ensign Mei. "Would you excuse us for a moment?"
"Not at all" the counselor said. As she stood and
moved away, she took Serrena by the arm and whispered
in her ear, "I would avoid agitating him." and Serrena
nodded, knowing that sometimes to get to the root of
David's problems would require exactly that.
"I can understand that you are upset and maybe even angry at
me for my having been promoted, especially with you
blaming me in some way for what James was forced to
do, but I'll be honest I never expected you to be this
childish about this whole thing. Somewhere down the
line there was a mistake made, and that your skills
and devotion to your work and fellow shipmates has
been recognized by you getting this award shows that
we *all* believe that this was only a momentary
problem. So if you still have something against me,
Commander Rikar, or Captain Simmons get it off your
chest now, once and for all, because I am honestly
getting tired of this unprofessional attitude of
yours."
David had a look on his face that would rival Enaii on
one of her bad days... but it wasn't a look of fear,
not contempt. But sadness. Not so much as she's seen
in him over the past few weeks. His head dropped.
"It's not James, not you, its not even Sabrina. It's
my brother Jordan. He's dead."
---
Serrena's eyes narrowed. Could this be a ploy of his
to make her feel guilty? As she looked at him their
eyes met and she discovered the truth... David wasn't
lying.
"When? Where was he?" the COO asked as she slid into a
chair next to him.
"From the time index I received, about a week ago.
Steph found him and the remains of the MERCURY. Said
he was attacked by a couple rogue Cardassian
warships."
"David... I'm so sorry..." she said and he shook his
head.
"Serrena... I don't want sympathy" he said.
"David... I know you've had a rough go at it lately,
but now isn't the time to shut us out."
"Well... that's the *second* time I've heard that
today." he groaned as he rubbed his temples. He felt a
major headache coming on and he knew why. Stress... no
food or sleep for the past 4 days. He stood.
"I thank you, but right now I need to deal with this
alone," and he stopped for a minute as she stood, "but
as much professionalism I can muster, congratulations
Commander Serrena" he said and walked off.
Serrena watched the imposing former CEO head for the
doorway when he saw him glare at a Cardassian sitting
alone reading a padd. She could see the sinews in his
back tightened and when she finally decided to move,
he stormed off.
As she approached the table, Maya stopped Serrena. "I
didn't make him angry did I?" the CSciO asked.
"No Maya... you didn't. Its just that for this mission,
your character just has bad timing."
"Bad timing?" she asked, "how so?"
"Its his brother." the COO replied.
"Jordan?" Maya said placing the padd on the table,
"what's happened?"
"He's dead. His ship was attacked by... as he told me,
2 rogue Cardassian warships. His cousin found him and
the remains of the MERCURY."
"That is horrible," Maya said and she started to shiver,
"guess I need to keep a wide berth from David for this
mission."
"I'm sure he knows who you are underneath your guise"
Serrena replied as she looked at the door that David
passed through moments ago.
===============================
Sabrina entered the holodeck and saw the beginning of
a beautiful sunset looking over San Fransisco bay. She
walked down the beach and saw him sitting on a dune.
There was a slight chill in the air so she walked
briskly down to him and sat next to him and got under
the blanket with him. He didn't say a word.
"David... I wanted to apologize for hitting you
earlier... that was..."
"Shhhh" he said barely above a whisper and she
followed his line of sight to 2 figures racing along
the waterline. One was Jordan and the other was a
blank figure.
"Come on Jor" David said, "keep up... your pace is
off."
"I'm trying!" Jordan barked at his brother and the two
figures stopped.
"This is *completely* unacceptable" David said softly,
"you'll never get into the Academy if you can't pick
up those 2 seconds."
Jordan leaned forward on his hands and knees huffing
and puffing, "well... if I can't I'll just quit.. like
*you* did"
"I made it back" David said softly, "and that shows
you that even with a year off, it can still be done."
and the blank figure sat as Jordan stood over it.
"You think it was that hard for Pop Dave? or even
Mom?"
"They're Starfleet officers Jor" David said, "what
do you think?"
Jordan sat next to the blank figure and the image
shifted that David and Sabrina were no longer behind
them, but in front.
"I don't think I'm cut out to be a Starfleet officer
Dave."
The blank figure placed its arm around Jordan's neck
and tears streamed down the younger Dawson's face.
"I don't think I'll ever be good enough to make it."
he said as he wiped his face and the figure pulled him
closer.
"You're a Dawson" David said, "you're destined to make
it. And if you don't it won't be bad. We'll still have
each other."
"Promise me that Dave. Promise me that if I don't make
it you won't be mad at me." he said as he looked at
the blank figure.
"You're my brother" David said the tears started to
flow, "and I love you. I'll always be here for you
Jor." and David hung his head.
Sabrina placed her arm around David's neck as he broke
down and sobbed uncontrollably. "That's right" the ExO
said as she patted him on the back as he layed his
head on her lap, "let it out. Just remember your
promise to him David... you're his brother and as long
as *you* live, he lives." as she wiped a tear from her
face. It really pained her to see him in so much pain.
Loosing his job and loosing his brother a month later.
**Please God...** Sabrina thought to herself,
**please don't let David backslide into his past
actions. We need him back**
A shadow figure stood on a cliff looking down on the
scene.
**That's right Davie ol boy... let it *all*
out... it'll make some room for me when I move in** it
said with laugh.
========================================
as
Lieutenant David Dawson
"A Starfleet officer...that's all I am and that's all I'll ever be." 2005 post #154
Stardate: 60319.1545
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Black Hole Lounge
excerpt and edited from Serena's 'Friendly Chat'
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end of edit
---
Stardate: 60319.2200
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Holodeck 1
Julian Knight d_dawson_1@yahoo.com
Chief Engineer
USS ANUBIS NCC 18501
- Avery Brooks as Captain Benjamin Sisko,
Commanding Officer of the Federation Spacestation Deep Space 9
