"Death and Destruction"
(Previous was the doctor's "Matter of Trust")
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Setting: USS ANUBIS, Counseling Suite
Stardate: 60325.0300
After the meeting Susan had returned to her desk where she had buried herself in paperwork... or PADDwork. There was no chance of sleeping. Not after being told that they were heading out in three hours. And not after... well... not after the night she'd had. She was in the middle of reading through the records of a session and analyzing what the patient had really been trying to say when her door slid open with a soft hiss.
"Ensign Mei?"
Susan looked up, slightly irritated at being interrupted despite herself. What could anyone be wanting at this hour? The sleep deprivation - she realized - had already succeeded in shortening her temper.
Standing in the doorway was a short woman Susan didn't think she had ever seen before. If she had, she couldn't remember. The woman was one of those people that seem to fade into the background. Her hair was a mousy brown and she was quite plain looking. She did, however, have the most amazing green eyes.
Those eyes were wide now looking either frightened or distraught. Uncertainly, she stepped into the room. "I'm sorry to disturb you at such an hour..." her voice was soft and unintrusive. She spoke with a slight accent... cockney? Something from Earth.
Susan forced a welcoming and attentive smile onto her face, but judging by the doubtful and uncertain look in the other woman's eyes - the smile had obtained the opposite affect. Susan rubbed her eyes with her hand and brought it up through her hair. "No, I'm sorry. My mind was elsewhere. What can I do for you?"
The woman looked around her uncertainly. "I... I don't usually come to counselors."
This made Susan smile genuinely, how many times had she heard that? "Few people do." She gestured for the woman to take a seat and she sat on the sofa as if still uncertain that she should be there. She then sat down beside the woman, "I find the only people who usually come to counselors are the ones who don't really need them."
This did not bring a change in the woman's expression at all. Her eyes darted around the room like a frightened animal's. "I mean... I... I don't know if this is where I should be. Maybe I should be in sickbay. Or... I don't know really. It's just that people are always saying..." her voice shook "You know... if something happens. Something sudden. Then everyone says, "Well, go see a counselor." and that's that. Only... it's not like that really is it? I mean... not really." Her eyes then met Susan's and Susan noticed that they were shining with the glow of suppressed tears.
Abruptly she realized that this could be serious. She reached out and put a comforting hand on the woman's arm. "Hold on, slow down. What are you talking about? Sickbay?"
The woman blinked and the tears slid down her cheeks, "No, I suppose not. I mean... it's a little too late for that innit?"
The last was slightly sarcastic, "It's just... well... I can't quite wrap my mind around it, you know?"
Susan's eyes narrowed with concern. Had this woman contracted some disease that would kill her? "Calm down, just take a breath." Susan said gently, handing the woman a tissue and getting up to replicate some tea. The medicinal properties of this drink, Susan believed, were incredibly underrated. She made the tea sweet and handed it to the woman sitting on the couch, instructing her to take a sip.
"Now," Susan said quietly, "Start at the beginning."
The woman's face drained of colour, "of course... I haven't even told you why I'm here. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"It's alright." Susan assured her as she shook her head sadly, "Just tell me what's troubling you, that's what I'm here for."
The woman looked up with those huge, distraught green eyes. "My husband's just died."
Susan's heart momentarily stopped, and when it started again she could feel the blood draining from her own face, she was speechless. All she could manage to say was, "you mean right now?"
Her head was racing with images of a corpse lying in one of the ship's quarters... but the woman shook her head, 'no... no... a few hours ago."
Tears splashed down her cheeks. "... when the Cardassian ship rammed into us... at least that's what I heard happened... he was working and..." she trailed off, then looked away, from Susan, as if embarrassed. "I got the call a few minutes after it happened. I mean... I know that we chose this life. Being in Starfleet... but I always kind of pictured us dying in battle... together."
She gave a great sob and Susan passed her a tissue... she could feel the horrible guilt creeping out from the shadows into her conscious mind with the realization of who this woman's husband must have been...
-----
dreamscape
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 10, Section 11-Alpha
Stardate: 60324.2045
Susan heard Lea's feet hurry away into the distance for help, but her eyes were locked on the man who's leg was crushed under a heavy beam. His breathing was heavy - more like rasping - and he was sweating with the pain. "I... I... was so scared no one would..."
"shhh..." Susan stroked back the hair from his forehead, "Don't talk. Save your strength." The man closed his eyes tightly against the pain and then slowly his muscles relaxed as the hypospray Lea had given him took effect. He had passed into a kind of half-conscious coma and Susan looked at the hypo she'd been handed: morphine. Susan was suddenly incredibly aware of the man's silence and wondered if it wouldn't have been better to let him talk, at least she'd know that he wasn't slipping away... She noticed the pips on his collar, "What's your name, ensign?" She asked quietly. For a second she got no response, then he murmured a name: Lindsey. Susan raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Lindsey?" she repeated. She had always known Lindsey to be a woman's name... but many names were cross-gender and she supposed that was one of them... until he suddenly gasped.
"Lindsey! Lindsey?!" Hurriedly Susan gave him the other hypo and his cries died down to a murmur, "Lindsey..."
"It's alright. It's going to be alright... it will all be over soon. Just hang in there."
The man gasped, "I have to... we have... I need... Lindsey" and then he was still.
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Setting: USS ANUBIS, Counseling Suite
Stardate: 60325.0310
"It's real irony," the woman who was sitting on the sofa beside Susan said, "Just yesterday I was telling him that we needed to spend more time together. He's been working so hard... and now... well... now we won't be spending any time together at all..."
She began to sob in earnest and Susan patted her back, knowing that crying in itself was great therapy. She had found out when the medics arrived that the man's name was Dylan Donavan. His files had said that he was married to a woman called Lindsey. Susan had just assumed that Lindsey was waiting patiently on EARTH... she hadn't checked. It was her job to check. Once Lea - or whichever subordinate was given the unfortunate task - had informed the next of kin, it was Susan's responsibility to check up on them. This time, however, she had been too wrapped up in herself and her own problems to do her job properly.
The sobbing was now enbing and Susan asked in an emotionless voice, "You're Lindsey Donavan?"
The swollen red eyes looked up at her, surprised. "yes... how did you..?"
Susan looked down at her lap as the guild attempted to smother her words, "I... I was with your husband when he... passed away."
Lindsey blinked, but her expression of surprise did not shift. "You were? How...?"
Returning her gaze to her lap, Susan told Lindsey what had happened those hours that seemed like days ago. Finally she looked up, "Your name was the last thing he said."
Lindsey's expression softened and a tear made its way slowly down her face, "Really? I mean... you aren't just saying that because that's what I want to hear? That's what you counselors do isn't it?"
Susan shook her head, "No. I wouldn't lie about something like this." she gave a warm smile, "he obviously loved you very much."
The next three hours passed in a blur of emotion as Susan tried to help Lindsey Donavan come to terms with her loss and tried to banish all traces of the guilt from the shadows in her mind... next time, she promised herself, she'd do better.
--------------- 2005 post #324
Tallulah Habib {thabib@eject.co.za}
Ensign Susan Mei
Head Counselor
USS ANUBIS
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"Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own." - Adam Lindsay Gordon
