"Battle Against the Darkness"
Previous post was "Muscles and Other Attributes"
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Stardate: 60325.1957
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Captain's Ready Room
Rikar sat down at her desk in complete silence. Susan waited for the door to close behind her before taking a step towards her captain.
"Don't." The CO was looking down at the surface of her desk and looking oddly malevolent as the shadows of the dim room played around her form.
"I know what you're going to say and I don't want to hear it." she said, not looking up.
Susan took a deep breath. She wasn't sure exactly how to deal with this. According to everything she'd learned at the academy, the thing to do was to assure Sabrina it would all be okay, that life was still worth living and that all bad things pass. According to what she'd learned at the academy, Susan should have encouraged the Captain to 'talk about it'. However, this was not the academy and Sabrina Rikar was not the average patient - or woman. After a wait of several seconds, Susan decided to abandon everything she had been taught.
"Is this what she would have wanted?"
Sabrina looked up, confused. Her eyes had become glassy. "What?"
"Commander Enaii. I mean, I didn't know her very well. So I'm just asking... would she have wanted you to annihilate every man, woman and child who happened to be associated with the enemy just because they were indirectly responsible for her death?"
The red-haired woman's brow furrowed, "That's not what I'm doing, Ensign Mei."
Susan noted the formal tone of the statement, "Yes sir." She said simply, and took a risk by turning around to walk out of the room.
"What do you mean *yes sir*?" Sabrina was standing up and her words contained such anger that Susan was nervous she might find herself without a job in a few minutes.
"I mean..." she said with fear she didn't quite have to mock, "You obviously know what you're doing. I mean, I'm just a lowly ensign after all."
"And what is *that* supposed to mean?"
Susan knew that anger was part of the process of grief and was partly relieved that it was being directed at her and not someone else - like, for example, someone at the other end of a phaser.
Susan shrugged casually, "I don't know what I'm talking about. I've only been in the field for this mission and TANGIERS ORBITAL. I'm probably idealistic and unrealistic." She turned to leave again, "It's just... I've never been really comfortable with death."
Susan sensed Rikar slumping down in a chair behind her, "Neither have I" she whispered.
The counselor turned around slowly at this and was surprised to find the Captain with her head resting on her arms and shoulders shaking.
"Captain." Susan went to her and knelt down at her side, "Captain. It's alright to feel sad."
"I should have expected it." Sabrina's muffled voice came from under her arms, "I should have been prepared. I knew it was dangerous... it's just that... she's always come through this kind of thing before. Always. I... I expected her to die in battle. With the honour of a Klingon and a whole planet against her. Not... not like this."
Susan put a comforting hand on her captain's shoulder, "Sabrina" she said softly, using the first name purposefully, "That's exactly how she did die."
Rikar's tearstained face looked up from her arms in confusion. Susan continued.
"This is a battle. A battle to save the lives of the crew of the MERCURY. To get our crew back safely. She did die with the honour of a Klingon - sacrificing herself for her crew - and the whole planet, literally, was against her. It may not seem like a great achievement now, but Commander Enaii may have saved us all. You don't need battle scars to show that your life - and your giving of it - was worth something."
The CO put her head back on her hands, facing away from Susan but her sobbing had stopped and Susan had seen that the tears were now running down her face more easily.
"I guess you want to be alone?" Susan asked, trusting that she'd made a breakthrough.
Sabrina swallowed and nodded wordlessly. Susan got up and for the third time walked towards the door. As she approached the exit to the outside world the voice of her captain stopped her. "Susan?"
The voice of the CO was strained with emotion, but firm, "Please tell Serenna that she has my permission to see to the survivors... if there are still any."
Susan nodded and took a the few steps necessary to get onto the bridge where her senses were once again assaulted by bright light. She had a feeling, however, that Serenna would have already taken care of the captain's orders.
--------------- 2005 post #377
Tallulah Habib {thabib@eject.co.za}
Ensign Susan Mei
Head Counselor
USS ANUBIS
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"Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own." - Adam Lindsay Gordon
