"The Longest Night"
Previous Post: "Anger" by Sabrina
-=/\=-
Stardate: 60326.0735
Setting: Draxx-Rikar Quarters
It had been the longest night, each hour the longest hour, each moment longer than the last. She sat, staring softly into the blackness of the room. Elan had long since left, having obviously and very gently placed the child back into her room, clearly having carefully dressed her in her nightie before doing so. Talia slept, that left her alone. She thought, and wept, and became angry and succumbed to a rainbow of emotions, and when she had finally thought she had settled down, she threw up.
It was too much, the pain, the emptiness, the anger, the love, the despair… if she couldn't handle it, how would a four year old ever be able to grasp it? Talia would have to deal with the death of a parent twice in her very short life, and though Sabrina had not actually been dead, the girl had grieved as though she were.
She wondered. Pondered if Enaii had felt this way when she had been lost to the void of space. If Enaii had cried, screamed, blamed herself, blamed the universe, blamed the gods, she wondered, if Enaii had thrown up…
It wasn't fair. She couldn't be alone, this was all some terrible hoax and Enaii stood somewhere close in the shadows watching, she would walk out and chastise her for being so weak. Hopefully, Sabrina's eye's surveyed the corners of the room, scrutinized every darkened crevasse, in vain. Lowering her head into her hands she had allowed herself a good long cry, before shallowly walking into the kitchen to prepare breakfast for their daughter… her daughter… she was an only parent now… Talia would need her to be more of a parent than she had been in the past.
"Bina?" the small girl questioned from the doorway, she was unaccustomed to seeing her adoptive mother in the early mornings, Enaii having been the usual one to prepare her breakfast.
The woman's back stiffened, she didn't want to turn around, this was it, in only moments Talia would be orphaned by her biological mother, until she knew, she could still live in the blissful world of ignorance.
"Bina?" the girl asked again, "Why you put Capi food in my bowl?"
The mother looked down and saw the distinctive picture of a monkey on the box that was remarkably similar to the special diet cereal Enaii had formulated to give Talia the best possible start to her day. Putting down the box, she poured the kibble back into it's container and reached for the cereal nearby.
"Bina!" the child screeched, "Ewwww! Wash bowl first!"
Sabrina gasped as she realised what she had been about to serve her child, putting the box of cereal down, she poured the contents of the bowl back into the box.
Talia stared at her mother in disbelief. Walking up to the counter she took the box of cereal and walked over to the replicator, placing it inside and recycling it. "I just have strawberries an' cream today Bina. It ok, I get for us, you go wash, dress for work."
Sabrina, unsure of what to do or say, followed the directions of the child and headed to her room. It was only once she had changed her uniform and washed her face that she really grasped how permanent this day was. How this time death would not relent, how it would be her and Talia, like this, forever.
Swallowing, she headed back into the kitchen where the girl had set up two bowls of strawberries in custard cream for them to eat.
"I make chocolate on yours Bina?" the child asked, holding up a bowl of chocolate syrup and a spoon.
The mother nodded and the girl poured a generous amount of the fudgy liquid onto her mother's breakfast before hopping into her chair and beginning to dive into her own breakfast.
Sabrina sat down opposite her child, she could still taste the vomit in the back of her throat and couldn't bear the thought of eating what would normally have been a special treat. Pushing the bowl away, she watched the girl wolf down the favourite concoction.
Realising that her mother wasn't eating, Talia looked up. "I make bad Bina?"
Sabrina shook her head, "No baby, I just don't feel well. Can I save it for later?"
Talia shrugged, picked up her bowl and drank down the remaining custard before standing and clearing the table. Sabrina watched as the girl took items either to the replicator or to their proper places in the fully equipped kitchen. Finally the girl picked up her mother's bowl and placed it, covered by a small plate, into the fridge.
"Talia," Sabrina managed to speak, clearer than she had thought possible. An inner strength welled up from somewhere deep inside her that she hadn't thought existed, and for that she was grateful.
The girl walked wearily over to her mother, she seemed to not want to hear what was to come as instinctively as a lamb knew to run from a wolf.
The mother scooped her daughter up onto her lap and absentmindedly brushed her hair away from her face. "Talia, I have to tell you something… I don't know how to say it baby, or what to say… It's about Enaii baby… she…" the mother deeply inhaled, she really didn't know how to say this, she had been a counselor, she had been trained for this, but nothing came to mind in this terrible moment. "She died baby… she had an accident… I…" the woman shook her head, it had come out wrong, too fast, too harsh, but she had not known how to stop it.
"No," Talia replied hopefully, brushing the tears away from her mother's cheeks. "No Bina, Nan'ha no die, Nan'ha trick us like Bina trick us, Nan'ha no die."
Sabrina closed her eyes against the coldness of the Universal Diety that would allow such a hard life for such a young child. "No Talia," she shook her head, holding the now squirming child on her lap against the girl's valiant efforts to escape. She wanted to remain ignorant, she didn't want to hear the truth, and she struggled against the grip of her mother. "Talia! Talia no! Please baby, I'm sorry!"
"NO!" the child screamed, "NAN'HA COME BACK!"
"Enaii isn't coming back Talia, she died!" Sabrina snapped, still trying to pull the child closer.
"NOOOOOOO!!!" The girl screamed, grabbing the arm that held her tightest and biting down on it as hard as her young jaw would allow. In a single moment she was free, the iron taste that filled her mouth wasn't enough to slow her down as she ran from their quarters, leaving an injured, confused and regret-filled mother in her wake.
-=/\=-
Lisa Mac Isaac {lisa_mac_isaac@hotmail.com}
Writing the hopes, dreams and future of:
Lieutenant Commander Enaii - Intelligence Liaison Officer
USS ANUBIS
And if you see no reason for giving thanks, rest assured that the fault is in yourself. 2005 post #385
~~Chief Tecumseh 1813
