"Final Farewell"
Previous Post: "The Fun Never Ends" by Mark
-=/\=-
Stardate: 60326.2030
Setting: Draxx-Rikar Quarters
Sabrina had returned to her quarters with her sleeping child draped unceremoniously over her shoulder. She was sure Enaii would have been able to carry the girl the distance between here and James' quarters on the base in a more comfortable position, but she had personally found the four year old heavy and awkward. After having plunked the girl down on the king-sized bed, she didn't much feel like transferring the child to her own room, and she didn't want to cry on the bed next to the girl, yet she felt that should she lay next to her daughter at this moment, that would be exactly what would happen.
Sighing, the widow took the undersheet off the bed and covered the girl with only the down-fill comforter from the top of the mattress. It seemed strange, but she desperately wanted to wrap herself in the sheet that had only recently been pressed against Enaii's flesh. Leaving the room and removing her clothing, leaving it draped over the back of the couch, Sabrina scrunched the sheet up against her face, deeply inhaling the scent of their final moments together, she could smell Enaii, closing her eyes, she could imagine that her wife was right there in front of her. Memories of her embrace, her unusually warm skin, the deepest blue of her eyes, she swore she could drown within them, she longed to drown within them now.
Wrapping the sheet around her naked form, Sabrina swallowed deeply and clenched her eyelids tighter against the silent tears that threatened to fall from them. Her breathing was shallow as she tried to push Enaii's face from her mind's eye and desperately cling to it at the same time. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to die, this nightmarish hell that had consumed her life cruelly forced her to continue on, made her lungs draw air, forced her heart to pump blood, kept her alive.
Sitting alone in the darkness, wrapped in the scent of her lover's sweat dappled flesh, Sabrina could not understand how this could be real, how could Enaii be dead? How could life go on? How could the Universe go on, as if all along she had not been at it's centre? Why did the stars keep shining? It felt like they should have died with her. Why did everyone pity David? Why didn't they understand? Why didn't they miss Enaii as much as she did? Why was that damn light blinking?
Why *was* that damn light blinking?
Sabrina sat up, her eyes on a shelf on the other side of the room. A small beacon blinked steadily, calling her attention to itself. She did not recognise the light, it had never been there before. Her heart in her throat, Sabrina stood and walked to the shelf, a Romulan PADD sat quite foreign under the small blinking light among a shelf otherwise filled with family photos and holo-images. Her heart now racing, Sabrina held the devise to her breast tightly, she knew that this must be a message from Enaii and she feared reading the words inside, that they alone held the power to make these last terrible hours real. Still, she longed to know what her lover, friend and wife had left as her last words toward her.
Walking back to the couch, Sabrina sat down and pressed her thumb up against the grey-green PADD, immediately bringing up the last letter ever written by Enaii…
-=-=-=-=-=-=-PADD-=-CONTENTS-=-=-=-=-=-=-
My Dearest Sabrina, my love and heart, I should have told you while I lived how I felt, but I could never get the words to come out. I am sorry for the life I’ve left you with, but I am not sorry that we got to be together these last few months. Call it selfish, but I don’t regret taking you from David, with as little time as we had, I am glad to have spent my last moments with you. Rest assured Sabrina, though it may never have looked like it, I was happy.
I remember, on UBTAO, I didn’t know you then, but our eyes met, briefly, seconds before I shot you, and I could not shake the image of your face from my mind for many nights afterward. Your emerald eyes sang to me, made my heart race, my breath shallow. I sometimes wonder if you thought of me also. Then we were assigned together and it was all I could do to ignore your presence in my Universe, I wanted nothing more than to have you give yourself over to me, I wanted to worship you Sabrina, but instead I drove you away to protect an image of myself that I had been trained to hide beneath.
When Talia was returned to me Sabrina, I was not only lucky to have regained my child, I was blessed that you broke through my walls to help me care for her. I couldn’t have done it without you Sabrina, I wouldn’t have wanted to. We became friends, but I still wanted so much more from you, I longed to caress your cheek in my sleep, to smell the delicate perfume of your flesh, to see you smile at me. When I watched you with Talia, your natural instinct against my clumsy fumbling, I was amazed at the poetry of your movements. The way you bounced her on your hip, hummed to her, calmed her cries... I began to love you Sabrina, as the mother to my child.
When you asked to work undercover with me, as Tarkillian Spirit Mates, I didn’t dare hope that anything real could develop. But Sabrina, you embraced me, you knew my coldness, the evil I was capable of, and you allowed me to show you my hidden warmth. Those were the best hours of my life until that point Sabrina, and if there is an afterlife I am worthy of, it is the time I will return to.
I know our marriage was one of convenience, so that you could be legally responsible for Talia should anything ever happen to me. I know that we promised to share only our bed, never our heart, but Sabrina I have broken that promise, I broke it on that first day, on UBTAO, when our eyes met. I love you Sabrina, and that is why I found you, not for Talia, for me. I was dead without you, you are my soul, and as long as you breathe I am alive.
I have made another promise Sabrina, the hardest of my life, I have made a pact with David so that in the event of my death, he will take care of you. It gives me some comfort to know that you will never be alone, and that you will eventually find comfort in the arms of someone who loves you as dearly as I do. I know in my heart that David is good, that what is right will eventually triumph within him. He will take care of you Sabrina, and he will grow to love Talia, and she him, and know that this is my wish, that she grow in the loving family environment that you and he will provide for her. I have prepared a pardon for his actions up until now, they state that he was acting under my direct orders, if it is needed for any reason you can find it within my personal files. I want you to be happy Sabrina, and he will make you happy, he would die to make you happy...
I leave you now, but know that death can not conquer my love.
Enaii
-=-=-=-
Lisa Mac Isaac {lisa_mac_isaac@hotmail.com}
I wanna feel til' my heart breaks wide open
I wanna blaze like a fire that's rollin'
Even if I crash down or burn out
At least I'm gonna know what it's like to feel alive
~ Alive Lyrics, Melissa O'Neil 2005 post #434
