pain subsides from my thoughts
I think I can go on but
sharp glass pierces the base of my mind
eyes soaked by the bloody haze
making gray the color I see
the distance blurred to a point
so far away I can barely touch it
and hold it in one cupped hand
and still hold yours with the other
even as my faith crumbles beneath my feet
and the ground rises to meet me
halfway through the solid white
I'm trying to fill with this pen
it is not the first time
the paper has mocked my presumptions
wishing the sky was red
so the sea would look purple at the top of its glory
I want you to deny me this pleasure
so that it would be sweeter still
not as bitter as the lies
running wild inside my head
or the currents through my veins
or the last time we lay together
between the white sheets of my bed
remembered pain does not compare
to the afterpain of your touch
or the memory of our last night
these tearing motions make me hurt,
my eyes burn.
back and forth the seesaw spins out of control
like the flames licking up my spine.
the lights even hurt
and the shadows suffocate.
I want to crawl to the end
and vomit this sour distaste
for all the things around me.
all around me the flowers stagnate,
the water turns red,
the sun bleeds shadows,
the shade plots and plots.
little dark imps twitch and sway
to this world's maniacal melody.
icy coldness sweeping through my arms.
my head floats above the curtains,
my back chilled cooler than the tub,
my feet are carved ice.
the chill races up spidery nerves numbing the places
farthest away from my dimming center,
numbing cold baking my bones,
biting me inside,
inside nothing.
