All Good Things…
Dr. Abortion walks back to his locker room, where he is grabbing luggage and emptying his locker room.
While cleaning out a locker, he looks at a little framed picture.
Dr. A: Wow… look at that. It’s me hanging out with Roe and Wade in front of the Tokyo Imperial Palace, making racist facial expressions by having our index fingers slant our eyes.
He finds a stack of photos, and starts going through them.
Dr. A: Oh. And here is one where we stood on the Ground Zero bridge at Hiroshima, and made racist facial expressions by having our index fingers slant our eyes. Oh wait… Wade isn’t… Wade jumped off the bridge and did a cannonball, trying to simulate being a dropped Atomic Weapon. Hahaha… oh, those were the days. He came out of the water soaking wet with algae all over him!!! Then some Japanese guy tried to eat him… because those dirty Nips try to eat anything that comes out of the water.
Dr. A’s smile turns into a frown as he thinks of the midget betrayal in his failed Evil vs. Evil match. He throws the photos in the suitcase, and packs in the last few things (syringes, I.V.s, hypodermic needles, other drug related paraphernalia.)
Dr. A: It’s going to be a shame to see this place go. But… Goodbye!
He turns the light off and heads out of his locker room.
Guy: Look! He’s coming out of the room!
Other Guy: Yeah! We didn’t get him at the hospital… but we’ll get him here! He must die!
It’s Guy and Other Guy, the two abortion clinic bombers who tried to kill Dr. A in an abortive plotline (hahaha… abortive plotline, get it?!) that was given up on after Wrassle[dot]Net couldn’t keep its friggin clock straight.
Guy: Nothing may have come to pass at the hospital, but killing babies is wrong, and the doc will pay!
Other Guy: Yes! Killing babies is wrong because killing is wrong!
Guy: Correct. And there is only one solution to get rid of a horrible man who commits the sin of murder, right?
Other Guy: RIGHT! We must murder him!
A NGPW or NCPW, whatever the hell, some guy who works for this fed walks by, overhearing the two.
NGPW Staffer: Say, I couldn’t help but overhear. You say it is wrong to kill, and yet your solution to end killing is to kill the killers. Don’t you find that to be a self-defeating paradox that makes your clinic-bombing philosophy flawed? Killing a man is injustice, and injustice just breeds more injustice.
Guy: Uh. Shut up.
Other Guy: Yeah! Don’t try to use that stupid “logic” to trick us! We see through your lies!
NGPW Staffer: Whatever.
The man walks off.
Guy: OoOo! Look! Dr. A is rounding the corner! Now is the time to blow him up!
Other Guy: Yeah, I’ve got my backpack full of explosives. You want me to throw it at him?
Guy: No, there is a change it won’t go off or will miss him. You’ll have to run into him and self-detonate.
Other Guy: What?! Suicide bombing? No way! Do I look like some fruity Palestinian to you?
Dr. Abortion comes strolling by.
Dr. A: Well, well, well. If I’m not mistaken… you guys seem to be two African American midgets wearing luchadore masks to conceal your faces.
Guy: Yes! And you’ll never know who it is! Hahahaha! NOW! Run into him Wade!
Other Guy: SHHH!!! Don’t call me Wade! Call me “Other Guy!”
Dr. A: Listen you two, take your damn masks off.
Roe and Wade, caught, reluctantly take their luchadore masks off.
Dr. A: Just what do you think you’re doing?
Roe: We became abortion clinic bombers in order to serve final justice upon you.
Wade: Yeah, we were going to blow you the hell up and send you straight back to where you belong.
Dr. A: Look, is this about the whole “killing your baby” thing, Wade?
Wade: YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS! NOW DIE!!!
He throws the backpack at Dr. A. It hits the Physician on a Mission. It does nothing.
Roe: Dude, I told you a box of matches and some fertilizer wasn’t going to work.
Wade: BS! It was your idea!!!
Dr. A: ENOUGH! I’ve had just about all I can take of you two. You should have stayed back in Canada where you were far from me. You put this upon yourselves when you impregnated Ms. Contraceptive, my girlfriend. Me and Prototype killing your baby was a godsend.
Roe: We now see the evils of abortion and all the sick, improper jokes you have made about it over the years.
Wade: Only through your cruelty have we finally seen the flaw of following you. Life is beautiful. Life is a miracle. A child is a thing given to us by God’s will…
A violin starts playing a slow song in the background.
Wade: …A baby is not a “choice.” A baby is a LIFE! It’s not for you, or for any pregnant, irresponsible, promiscuous hussy to decide for a sentient, human being whether or not it gets to exist. Human beings, yes - even babies have souls. They have the right to live, the right to play at the playground, the right to a first kiss and to go to college. They have the right to have a job and make a name for themselves. They have the right grow old with someone and die happy, with a fulfilled soul completing it’s journey through the miracle that is the human existence.
Dr. A gets a tear in his eye.
Dr. A: *sob*… YOU’RE RIGHT!!!
Roe: Really?!
Dr. A: No, just kidding. But I had you there for a moment. Hahahaha.
Suddenly, a man in a blue medical vest walks up.
Dr. Baker: Hello… is that you Wade?
Wade: Huh?! What the hell?! Who are you?
Dr. Baker: It’s me… Dr. Baker. Remember? From the hospital in Canada.
Roe: Umm… why the hell did you follow us all the way here?
Dr. Baker: Hmm, well, I guess I could have just made a phone call. But I didn’t think of it at the time, eh?
Dr. A: Excuse me douchebag, but I was about to pummel these two here.
Dr. Baker: Mr. Wade, I’m afraid to have to tell you that your paternity test failed to match.
Wade: WHAT?!
Roe: HUH?
Dr. A: What was that?
Dr. Baker: Blood comparison shows that you are not the father of the Ms. Contraceptive’s child. I guess if there is any good news from this – it is that you don’t have to pay child support.
Wade: Oh, I wouldn’t have to pay it anyway. This douchebag here and his buddy Prototype threw the baby in a river and killed it!
Dr. A: HEY! I am not buddies with Prototype!… But good news! Since you’re not the father… I don’t have to kill you! Hahaha…
Wade: Score One! Yessss!
Dr. A turns his head to Roe.
Roe: Whoa!… Whoa! Don’t look at me boss! I didn’t do nothing. Like I said - I got heads and Wade got tails. I never came close to muffin’.
Dr. A: Hrmm… for some reason I believe you. Well midgets, if you didn’t get Ms. C pregnant than I have no reason to be angry at you! You can join ‘Team Abortion’ again if you want.
Roe: Yeah! And if you don’t want to kill us any more, than we have to reason to try to blow you up!
Wade: Right on! I mean, I believed all that “don’t kill babies” and “blow up abortion doctors” stuff when I thought you killed my child! But now that I learn it wasn’t my boy… I couldn’t give a flying ****!
Dr. A: Great! This is terrific. But one strange, strange question remains to be answered. If neither of you are the father of Ms. C’s dark skinned child, who could the father be?
Suddenly, former NGPW star who retired earlier this month, SPX, walks by.
SPX: *whistle*… Oh, hi Dr. Abortion. I’m back here to pick up my severance package from Martini. Looks like you’re packed to go too, huh? Well good luck wherever you go.
He strolls off whistling. No doubt he’s whistling the tune of some song that is about his enormous unit. Because this is all he ever talks about.
Roe: Say… didn’t he used to be in the SHOW?
Wade: Yeah… yeah. I remember. He was in the SHOW back when we were in the SHOW.
Roe: I remember. That was… uhh… about nine months ago.
Wade: Yeah, nine, give or take.
Dr. A: Sonofa…
Dr. Abortion pulls a concealed handgun out of his tights and runs down the hall.
…
*gunshot*
Roe: Oh,… that crazy Dr. Abortion! Hehehe…
Wade: Hahahahaha…
Roe: Hehehehe…
Wade: THAT, my little friend, was CLASSIC Dr. Abortion right there.
Roe: Right. Classic Physician on a Mission, Practical Practioner, Doc from DC stuff!
Wade: It’s so like him to charge at SPX with a gun, only to have SPX turn around and shoot him in the head!
Roe: Indeed! Hahahaha…
Wade: *snicker*
Roe: Say, does that wound look fatal to you?
Wade: I don’t know. Lets go check it out.
Roe: Dibs on the gauze!
Wade: No way! You did the gauze last time!
The two midgets walk off camera….. FADE.
La Fin.
Meanwhile, Up the Hall…