discover who's your perfekt HP guy here
Music Black Box Recorder
Mood excited
Word of the day forum
Quote of the Day
null
I threatened my sister with a wet and recently used toilet plunger. Am feeling very smarmy, smug, and, well, evil now. Like I can pester anyone and get away with it. I almost feel like laughing maniacally- wait I already do that on a regular basis.
Need to finish my third lesson of Latin correspondence studies. La sigh. Am not feeling very up to the occasion. Considering I hate Latin and I'm fairly sure the sentiment is mutual.
I need to start my Hermione website. Have spiffy idea for index and what the whole site is going to look like. Is it just me or does Hermione just make you think "dark purple?" Maybe that is just me....
I think I'm going to volunteer to Curt's crusade of tracking down and killing whomever it was that was responsible for The Land of Time 2 through 10. Is good idea. Am proud of Curt. Am yet still more mad at myself for not thinking of it first, or having the Slytherian decency to take all the credit.
Am feeling somewhat frightened by my newfound place within the Potter fandom. I'm generally, an anti-social person. But now I'm reaching out to people, and people are reaching out to me, and they're poking me. Well, not really, but it's the idea. And I need to go edit my post of a certain thread, because looking back on it, it's really stupid post to do and I need to pose more questions for a proper discussion.
2:16 p.m.
"Draco liked to kick puppies." Gosh, I'm such a literary genius.
And Curt is being a dork again.
schizo02 sometimes when I'm typing in web addresses I misfire keys
iniqua invidia yes
schizo02 a lot of times I'll come up with a tag such as .con
schizo02 .cok
iniqua invidia heh
schizo02 they amuse me
iniqua invidia you're a dork
schizo02 and.....?
iniqua invidia nevermind
Alas, I fear I shall never have normal friends.
I also unknowingly kept my sister's cat in the office closet for the better part of six hours. Whoops.
Am starting to think it would just be so much more easier to get myself a LiveJournal as they are easier to update. But then I keep thinking back to what Curt said yesterday about me being one of the only people with an actual website blog and not a LJ. "Yeah, it's like you have a car, we have trolley cars." Makes me smug, smarmy, and warm inside all at the same time.
I also decided to archive my fic here at my blog for nothing better to do with my time. And I want to up my posts on FictionAlley so I can get a new avatar. The bastards suck in their mod-ish ways like that.
11:18 a.m.
While about and hour and a half ago, trying to fall asleep, I once again came upon my disturbing realization of hobbits. And further expanded upon it. Then fell asleep to a feeling of hobbit-fear. Hobbits were not scary before I realized what they really were. Yes that's right-
Hobbits are middle-earth Mormons.
I have compiled a great many reason as to why this is true before you begin your judgment of me and my sanity.
1. The national pass-time of both is genealogy.
2. In one way or another, everyone is related to each other, usual as some sort of cousin.
3. Both live in isolated regions (the Shire- Utah).
4. Most have no idea of the world outside of their own isolated regions.
5. Neither really intermingle with other races (ethnicities).
6. Neither care for radicals and liberals in their quiet communities.
7. Both do *shudder* crafts.
8. Both have weird in-bred features (big, hairy feet- er, big hairy feet?)
And I'm sure if I was really that interested, I could come up with some more. Those are just a few. And now I just know Kim is going to yell at me.... Ha! I shall smite her down like the mighty quasi-God I am.
9:32 a.m.
I finally gave in and register at FictionAlley and submitted the first chapter of my fic. Am much relieved. Have been itching to do this, since, like, ever.
So I spent the better part of an hour surfing through the forums and replying to very inane threads. Am proud of me. It was much fun. And guess what I am? That's right, I'm Remus Lupin's Glowing Crimson Coffee Table. And you aren't. You are now considered a deprived, emotionally unhealthy, dead-inside child that has been underprivileged. *Pats shoulder* it's all right, you'll get over it. I mean, not everyone can be as super cool as me.
Am starting to actually get some more energy from this whole new fangled "exercise" thing. Except I'm going to go take a nap as soon as I'm done posting this thing. I'm such a bum.
And Kim finally told me who her new crush is. Am much relieved and at the same time AGHAST and DISGUSTED. I need to take her out back and beat some sense into her. Okay, I just feel like beating someone really. I'm such a sadistic girl.
Must harass, I mean call, Adam today. Do not particularly want to. We always struggle to say things during the summer mostly because neither of us do very much besides the usual teenage bum things. Especially me.
Yawn.
Next time Oddities of the odd.
entry 42 July 2, 2002 8:29 a.m.Music "Undertow" Ivy
Mood irked/miffed/insecure/creative
Word of the day PMS (okay, it's an abbreviation for three, but you get the idea).
Quote of the Day "Because my nipples are dry and he needs milk."
Feeling creative and irked and miffed and insecure at the same time. PMS has struck again. Feeling tired as well.
But looking at that quote above from last night's episode of "Witchblade," somehow it all seems all right.
Have come to the conclusion that I'm just not adequately relaxed without homework or something to do with myself. Am a weird, weird girl in need in serious psychological help. But we all knew that. At least I don't make such a big, humongous issue out of it like Dalyce does about her affliction of the same. Actually, Dalyce makes a big, humongous issue out of everything. So does Angie. It miffs me. Good thing I don't have to se either of them during the summer. Good friends they are, annoying they are as well.
Have yet to call Adam. Afraid I have have nothing to talk abut really. Guess that's what summer is really good for. Letting people whom they call their "friends" neglect each other until they have something to actually talk about.
Thought up this really great, angsty poem last night as I was falling asleep. Then I forgot it. I hate it when I do that.
I need some chocolate *sniffles*.
Every time I log into my geocities account to update this thing, I am reminded ever more so than before how much I want/need a domain name. If I wasn't getting a kilt for birthday/Christmas combined, I'd ask for that. That's right I said kilt dammit. Am going to wear them for senior pictures and generally annoy the rest of my relatives into an envious stupor over how their children lack kilts and they have nothing of their children to compare to me. Am now suddenly feeling superior. Whee.
8:29 a.m.
So I try initiating some sort of thoughtful discussion and I just get corrected in the spelling of Blaise Zabini's name. And it doesn't help I've been spelling it Zambini for weeks now, in my fic. Why didn't anybody tell me!? Such help they all are. The Slytherians are a very exclusive lot anyway. I much rather like the Ravenclaws. We actually have intellectual discussion in that forum *dies*. It's a Harry Potter-phile/nerd's heaven really.
I also had this really weird dream last night about dating Harry Potter, meeting Oliver Wood at the movies with Potter, and then asking Snape if I can play on the Slytherian Quidditch team. I'm fairly sure I wasn't Slytherian either. And Snape made these weird little action figure things and a shirt. At least it marginally made sense. That's more than most of my dreams ever have. Especially that one with the duck/turtle Buddha in an aquarium. Don't ask and I wont' tell.
I actually have to finish my Latin lesson today. Am dreading the experience. Don't know why. I always end up cheating on it anyway. Very un-Ravenclaw thing to do, I know. Just shove it. I hate Latin. Latin needs to die. Wait, it already is dead. Well, that just takes all that fun out of it. Wait, ti was never fun in the first place.
Did this funky yoga thing this morning. My neck hurts. And that's about the only feeling I get from it. Maybe if mother would take her shower soon, then I could take my shower and get back to sleep. And dreaming of Harry Potter.
He was really short in my dream too. *Shrug* whatever.
Next time Harry Potter madness (we can only hope).
entry 43 July 3, 2002 5:20 p.m.
Music Ultra Chilled 02
Mood formerly calm/now insecure
Word of the day blasé (it's a fun word)
Quote of the Day "And are zebras balls black and white?"
Have much decided I do not like poking and being poked in the metaphorical sense of the internet and "reaching out to people." I try being nice and cool. Except I'm neither. I to get over this sense of awkwardness I always feel in practically every social situation. To no avail. Have come to the conclusion in reference to the ultimate Beck song and the lyric: "I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?" Book worms/über-nerds like me have this certain thing about them that makes all social situations and relations strained and best avoided when possible.
Which is why I feel obliged to only use FictionAlley for posting my fics. I never used any sort of message board or forum before two days ago, and am now in a traumatic state of mind. The people seem to acquainted with each other all ready, and I'm just the new kid that nobody knows as recently new to the actual fandom (other than mindlessly reading fanfics mind you). It's always been something like that. I've never really fit in, in a certain, complete sense of the word anywhere in my life. Right now I flit between social groups, knowing a few people in each, and my only true social group is in my academic classes. I don't mingle enough. Large groups of people scare me. Conversation isn't my strong point.
I need medication. Or help and therapy.
I do have friends. I like them and I'm fairly sure they like me. I just never fit in with a particular group. And FictionAlley just emphasized the awkwardness I always feel when "reaching out and touching someone."
That always sounded dirty to me anyway. Guess I'm better off that way.
I need to get out more.
No, I need to go back to school, the only social situation I'm ever comfortable in these days.
Gosh I hate teenage angst and insecurities.
I'm off to email Kim, and avoid wreaking havoc within the Harry Potter fandom. I never liked wreaking havoc anyway. I'm far too blasé. *Sniff*. I'm okay.
(Time lost)
discover who's your perfekt HP guy here
Eep.
And I'm Jailbait!Harry. In Which Harry Potter are You? Ha! It's so true, so true....
10:57 a.m.
Thank my ever spastic friend Lena and her myriad of dangerous and odd thoughts for that quote of the day. Who, by the way, has caught the dangerous and disgusting disease and now has acquired herself a boyfriend. I feel sorry for her boyfriend. And she made fun of me for liking Daniel Radcliffe. Pfft. She is a spastic infidel to the cause (what cause I don't know, I just felt like saying that). She is far too easily amused. Example:
Makakilo Boardr7 never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups
Makakilo Boardr7 LOLOLOLOL
Makakilo Boardr7 LMAO!!!!!!!
Makakilo Boardr7 AHHHHH
Makakilo Boardr7 LOL
In response to reading an internet bumper sticker.
And Kim wrote music to one of my poems on her guitar. She's so freaking cool like that. Now I'll have to goad her into recording it for me and I can post it somewhere at my heart's desire. And we can like start a band and beat Britney Spears senseless with my angst-ridden poems of actual depth and meaning (however shallow that depth may be).
Oh, and I sorted out the rest of the religions of the Middle-Earth inhabitant. Elves are Salvationists. Dwarves are Catholic. Wizards are Jewish. Orcs are Jehovah Witnesses. The Orucai are Muslim. And I think the humans are still in the primordial stage of paganism. Whee!
I told her all of this while we were walking up at the park. I think the old people thought me a bit weird when I mentioned elves in a real life conversation.
Want to go take another nap. Even though I'm not really tired. Am a weird, weird girl I suppose. Curt thought I was depressed. *Sniff* I'm really touched to know you care man. No, don't touch me like that.
Makakilo Boardr7 I wonder what it's like to be a slice of cheese
iniqua invidia hmm, yes
As evident by my friends *shakes head warily*. Am starting to question my own sanity.
Makakilo Boardr7 you are psycho
iniqua invidia very likely indeed
And yes, this whole entry is a large copy and pasting of Lena and my conversation. We need lives.
Next time Madness of me.
entry 44 July 4, 2002 8:50 a.m.
Music Ultra Chilled 02
Mood blasé
Word of the day blasé (it's a fun word)
Quote of the Day null
Well I could've told you that one.
And I now have my very own review forum at the Astronomy Tower on FictionAlley. Am much happy, squeally, and squishy inside. And they're going to post it. Whee!
I'm better now if you didn't notice. And my sister's being a poser of me by wearing a striped t-shirt just like me. Except I look better in mine. I always look better. Nyah.
However, I think she submitted to thoughts and insecurities and has changed. Ha! I have worked my telepathic powers upon her.
A few days ago I hid her cell phone and she had to call it about five times to find it (since she has it set to only beep once). Still does not suspect me. Suspects, however, my mother. She is a dense girl.
Good thing she doesn't read my blog. That'd be a bit bad.
Slept in today and had the weirdest dreams, except I cannot remember them now. Remembered them as I first woke up, but now it's just a blur. Still remember the one with Harry Potter in it though. That was a fun dream. Mostly because I annoyed Snape greatly in it. And I was going to play Quidittch. Oh yeah, and I was dating the P-man himself in it. Fun, fun, fun.
Am going to see MIB II in an hour. Am hungry now. And later I fully plan on gorging myself on a Fourth of July smorgasbord. I almost spelled that right the first time. Off by two letters was all.
Kim's love life is starting to take on the distinct taste of romantic quagmires and an actual real life affliction. I rather feel it to be a disease spreading among my friends into this state of mind of codependency and having a boyfriend. All right, I want a boyfriend too. But my boyfriend would be a pansy most likely. And would be dating me just to cover up to his parents his real sexual preference. Always ready to lend a helping hand.
Gosh I need a life. But if I had a life, I certainly wouldn't be writing in this thing now would I? Yeah, it all makes sense now. Not really though.
Next time Madness of me.
entry 45 July 5, 2002 4:39 p.m.
Music Long Distance Ivy
Mood delighted
Word of the day blasé (it's a fun word)
Quote of the Day null
Makakilo
Boardr7 ask me if i care
iniqua invidia ask me the same
Makakilo Boardr7 lena do you care? hell n
Makakilo Boardr7 o]
iniqua invidia Tegan do you give a rat's ass? "No, i don't even give an amoeba's ass."
iniqua invidia I don't care on a microscopic level
It is hard to fight with Lena for she doesn't understand much of my sarcastic, witty tirade. Sigh.
3:36 p.m.
You make me feel not good enough
You make me feel not great
You make me feel beneath myself
You make me feel irate
CHORUS
So I'm walking out on you
Just like you always used to
And I'm getting over you
Getting more than I ever used to
I'm torn in my decisions
Of how you will react
Should I leave a note
Or tell you with a smack?
BRIDGE
'Cause I'll never be your housewife
I'll never make you happy
I'm making my own life
Far away from you.
CHORUS
I'm leaving (leaving....)
Getting away from you
And I'm leaving (leaving....)
Knowing just what to do
CHORUS x 2
10:17 a.m.
Am much happy, and can hardly contain a squeal of delight at the nice, nice girls that have reviewed my fic at Astronomy Tower. Make me feel squishy inside, loved, and inflates my ego to newfound heights. *Dies*.
I'm all right now. Got a new CD yesterday by Ivy. Am in love with Ivy now. Move over Black Box Recorder, these guys rock. Very much my style anyway. Mellow, techno-ish, still some good guitar riffs however, and nice lyrics. Am much, much in love with my new CD and new favorite band. Can hardly contain a silly squeal of delight.
Mother and Father bought me a more professional-type water color set yesterday and the special paper of it. Love me Mum and Da very much. They rock. Painted a mountain, with dark clouds and rolling hills with a mini-forest yesterday. Have come to the conclusion that I paint Monet's at best ("Look good from far way, but up close it's just a big ol' mess!"). However, I do not care, and love my new water-color set. Can hardly contain a girly squeal of delight.
Rather bored for the day and have not much to do except study Latin and paint. Perhaps I'll work a bit more on my Hermione site, and email (bother) Kim. Kim deserves to be bothered. Why? Hell if I know, she just does.
Took a two hour nap this morning. Am much refreshed and at the same time lethargic. After I woke up at 9:30 a.m. however, I went to the kitchen and ate a piece of German chocolate cake. Could hardly contain a hungry squeal of delight at it.
Oh yes, had the weirdest dream, during my nap that I was playing a game that was a cross between lacrosse and soccer, except we used hard-boiled eggs as the ball, there were only five players to a team, and on the opposite team was a pregnant chick playing. However, still managed to drudge up the rather painful and unpleasant memories of soccer season from frosh and soph years. Would have had to force myself to squeal at that.
Heremon's being annoying lately. Not hearing voices per se. Just doing things out of the ordinary for myself. He's decided to be dominant after all these years of alter-ego beating I have done. Suppose I should smack him around some more. Which is really smacking myself around more.
Whatever. I want another piece of cake.
Next time Squeals of delight.
entry 46 July 6, 2002 3:32 p.m.
Music Ultra Chilled 02
Mood freaked
Word of the day freaks
Quote of the Day null
Have chalked up the nerve to submit my Hermione Granger portrait to ArtisticAlley. Am waiting validation of my self-esteem and ego through hopeless flattery. My boy!Blaise sketch is lying somewhere in my Artist Nook of my entertainment center, in wait for it's chance to shine. Well, not shine really. It is a picture of a Slytherian after all. And Slytherians definitely don't shine.
And you should all be so proud. I actually did study my Latin vocabulary- even if it was only for four minutes. *Sigh*. Am hopeless procrastinator. But hey, I procrastinate with style and get straight A's. I rock like that.
No more assaults by the perverted freaks of the internet as of yet. Am on the watch. And i wonder why it is always girls that IM me. I don't swing like that. At least, I'm fairly sure I don't. Um....
Anyway, I posted the links to the black and white and color versions of the aforementioned fanart. You know where to find them (the sidebar, the sidebar!). Ahem.
1:38 p.m.
The perverted sex freaks of the internet are stalking me. Again. Cannot cope.
What is it about me that seems to attract the weirdest people? One my other screen name it was always immature, young anime freaks. Now on my current screen name it's pervy internet sex freaks whom I'm sure could get at least some years in prison for harassing a minor with sexual content. I'd take down all their names if I was that activist-like. The fact is, I'm just far too lazy. And far to freaked out by any of it to get fem-nazi about any of it. It's disempowering to my gender. I tell you, it is. And freaks the jinkies out of me.
Started new project in wreaking havoc within the Potter fandom. "The Talk." *Maniacal laughter.* 'Tis brilliant. Well not really. It's more of just weird little conversations between certain Potter characters and their parents in concern to their sexuality. 'Tis an important aspect of every young person's life to have "The Talk" with their parents or in the lack of such, guardian, parental-type figure. Yeah, yeah I am weird thanks.
Painted something half decent this morning. The clouds are rather disappointing however. Bad, bad clouds. Grr.
The gradation of the sunset is nice though. And I like my slight delineation of vegetation upon the land form. The water's okay. Though not really the color it's supposed to be. Sigh.
Need to study Latin. Study, study, study. Nothing is right in the world if I am not pressured to study. Watch Tegan study. Study tegan, study. Watch Tegan procrastinate from studying. Bad Tegan needs to study.
Fuck you Dr. Seuss and your new fangled "morals" too.
Next time Avoiding the internet sex freaks and their pervy "hobbies" that should be illegal in all fifty states plus Puerto Rico (towards minors and those unwilling I mean- keep your kinky private life away from me).
entry 47 July 8, 2002 (Time lost)
Music Ultra Chilled 02
Mood depressed/tired/blasé
Word of the day college
Quote of the Day "I want to be the bag lady, just not as poor."
Watched Dogma for the first time this afternoon, and now it's official. Am totally in love with matt Damon. Full-blown infatuation now. He shall definitely be my love slave when I rule the world. Ha!
Started the whole ACT/SAT preparation thing. Hate math. Math is a very evil, evil subject that needs to die- or if it was alive it should. And of course the Reading, Science and English sections were easiest. Okay those were the only other subjects besides math in the practice ACT exam. But that's not the point here. The point here is, I hate math, and math is a very bad, evil, wicked subject that I only wish we did not need in our lives.
Have come to realization I am going to terribly miss Curt when he goes off to college this fall. I won't have anyone to have weird conversations with and talk to on a regular basis that isn't, well, Adam. Sigh. I told him he had to email me or face a long, horrible death by dismemberment and beatings with a wet noodle.
I have so been spelling "weird" right all along. My sister told me it was spelled "wierd." Last time I listen to that ill-equipped in spelling and vocabulary power freak. She dies.
12:55 p.m.
"What about Massachusets?"
"What about Massachusets?"
"For college."
"Forget about it."
Gee, thanks for being supportive Mom. Started using the ACT and SAT preparation books and am feeling better about myself. My sister said most of the math on the ACT was geometry. Sweet, exactly the kind of math I like- lots of pictures, hardly any number.
Am now very bored however. Need another Stardoc novel to finish in four hours. Or Tanya Huff novel. Except I'm saving up my money for vacation in August. I need a job.
It's recurring motifs day. Whee!
Beefed my college list up to about fifteen schools now. Plan to take PSAT this fall, and SAT and ACT in spring. Have stopped hyperventilating now. Will be all right. Hopefully.
Toby (the little monster that is our kitten) is being overly loving to me today. Cannot cope. Dexter (my overgrown cat) decided to pee in the clean basket of clothes. Have successfully beaten him into submission (just kidding- ahem).
Sister is being obnoxious. But that's nothing new.
Have confirmed my nerd status and am now pining for the school year. I want to learn! I want to do homework! I want to pester some boys into taking me on dates mostly, actually.
Painted my nails today. Look very pretty and French tipped without the actual effort of French tipping them. My sister uses French Tip techniques on both her nails and toe nails. She obsesses way too much about her nails. And mine. Gosh does she ever bother me about my nails. Though, she bothers me about everything.
Should probably go and attempt the horrible math section of the preparation text. I hate math. *Sniff.*
9:51 a.m.
I read a 407 page novel in four hours yesterday. Which explains why I was not posting on this thing about overwhelming boredom. Still do not want to go back to reading The Bourne Supremacy yet. Bourne is freaking me out in it. I'm scared. Somebody hold me (preferably a cute, tall teenage boy that's charming and silly- ahem).
Have this weird hobby I mentioned before of looking at people's blogs and LiveJournals even if I don't know them, but know they're someone important from the Potter fan community.
One of them is the same age as me and makes me somewhat depressed.
I've always valued the fact that I'm the most organized, motivated, directed young person in concern to college and the future. meaning, which colleges I'm going to apply to, and such.
However, looking at her site and what she mentions about college, I ma put to shame. She already took the SAT and sent off for more information about different college. Different colleges that happen to mostly private and otherwise prestigious colleges. And she goes to an academic magnet school.
It makes me want to bang my head repeatedly upon a hard, jagged surface.
Makes me worry once more about getting a good grade on the SAT and ACT, as well as my self-worth and ability to get into my first-choice college.
Makes me frustrated that I'll have to pay for the majority of it myself, being a middle middle class family with both my mother and sister going to school right now, my parents can hardly be able to pay room and board, much less out-of-state tuition, fees, and book costs. Then they tell me I have to get scholarships. At least mother gave up trying to convince me to stay in-state to satiate her empty-nest syndrome that has yet to develop as my sister absolutely refuses to leave.
It also makes me want to expand my huge list of colleges to apply to. I have about eleven on the list. Somehow, I get the feeling I should apply to more if I ever want to get out of this stupid state.
I have to get out of this state. I absolutely refuse to stay in-state for college. Nevada colleges are crap and I absolutely hate this state. I'm blowing this popsicle stand just as soon as I'm accepted to UCDavis.
Maybe I should apply to a university in Alaska. They'd most definitely take me right?
Next time Developed obsessive compulsive disorder from pre-college insanity.
entry 48 July 9, 2002 12:59 p.m.
Music Long Distance Ivy
Mood blasé
Word of the day angst
Quote of the Day null
Short-term/Long-term To-do list:
Study Latin.
Study for ACTs and SATs.
Scan photos.
Write.
Call Adam.
Save money for vacation.
Start exercise videos.
Eat less more.
Kill Father for suggesting I watch The LoTR TT trailer from apple.com meaning I have to spend 45 minutes downloadng quicktime and not even be able to watch it when it was fully downloaded in the end.
Sleep.
Work on Hermione website.
Find a job.
Study. Just study.
Kill Dexter for throwing up.
Redecorate room.
Buy more Ivy CDs.
Get more money (somehow).
Paint.
Draw.
Read.
Find more Stardoc novels.
Eagerly await HP 5.
Eagerly await HP 2 movie.
Eagerly await LoTR TT.
Kill apple.com for long installation periods.
Make more clothes.
Sew Adam's yarmulka.
Kill Adam for not calling.
Find a boyfriend.
Kill all losers that refused to date me.
Plot world domination.
Buy any movie featuring Matt Damon on DVD.
Stalk Matt Damon.
Write Matt Damon a fan letter (nevermind).
Learn to play another musical instrument (bagpipes hopefully).
Learn html.
Learn xhtml.
Obsess over college.
Obsess over life.
11:56 a.m.
Am much more stable today. Got a good twelve hours of sleep. And drifted through half-asleep hallucinations during the early morning hours. Very fun, that.
I don't really know why, but I write the most depressing and angsty poems. But I'm not an angsty and depressed person. Form of therapy? I could only guess.
Here's the song/poem thing I wrote last night while watching Sixteen Candles on "Dinner and a Movie." I liked that movie. Need to rent/buy it. Anyway.
And here I am.
The broken girl that you left me.
(Leave me, tease me, just please me.)
Here I am.
The degraded female you made me.
(Shame me, play me, just take me).
Just a masochist
Just here for you.
Just a little angry
I'll get even with you.
So here I am
Pining like the silly girl I am.
(Am silly, am faithful, am in love with you).
Here I am
The envious bitch I am
(Am jealous, am furious, am waiting to get my hands on you).
Just can't wait for you
Just can't wait to get my hands
Just for even a few seconds
Around your lovely neck.
Break me and take me back again.
Love me, and tease me soul again.
Come here, and I'll kill you
At any chance I get.
Just break my heart
Just take it back again.
Just love me
And you'll murder me once again.
Next time Developed obsessive compulsive disorder from pre-college insanity.
entry 49 July 10, 2002 5:15 p.m.
Music Long Distance Ivy
Mood blasé
Word of the day review
Quote of the Day "Maybe you should stuff Mom."
Damn straight. Of course, though, I do want one. I just don't need one. Get it?
Surfing around the site, it's a pretty groovy site. Ooh yeah.
Lauren degraded my self-worth by mocking my part of the Potter fandom. Just as Lena has. And I'm sure Kim will. But then, i can just exploit Kim's former infatuation with a certain boy band that has an asterisk in their name (dear, dear Kim, don't worry, Jesus will forgive you).
Is weird that my family has to have "discussions" for our parents to be able to get some fast food for dinner. Silly, silyl parents.
I just have the feeling I was about to say something but then I forgot. I hate that. Dammit.
oh, and Curt and I have the following weird excepts to share with you all:
iniqua invidia I DON'T NEED BOYFRIEND
iniqua invidia I took a test
iniqua invidia it's true I tell you, it's true
schizo02 wow
schizo02 see?
schizo02 just a cat and an obsession
iniqua invidia what?
iniqua invidia WHAT!?
iniqua invidia that's right, you're not my baby's mama!
schizo02 ooh I know
schizo02 "go stare at your antiquated SpiceGirls posters wench"
schizo02 or you can substitute B*Witched
iniqua invidia or 5ive
iniqua invidia she liked the boy bands
schizo02 indeed
iniqua invidia she always as a strange girl
iniqua invidia she's 19, almost twenty and still likes pop
iniqua invidia it's a disease
iniqua invidia permanent I fear
schizo02 treatable only through torture
iniqua invidia let's hope so
About my sister and her unhealthy pop liking.
schizo02 not too bad, I just spent about two hours watching the extras on the A Beautiful Mind DVD, that is easily one of my favorite movies ever now
iniqua invidia ah
schizo02 it didn't hurt that there was also a section on Charlotte :-D
iniqua invidia what?
schizo02 there is a section on the DVD extras about Charlotte Church
iniqua invidia why?
iniqua invidia what does Charlotte Church have to do with A Beautiful Mind?
schizo02 because she "sang" the entire soundtrack
iniqua invidia ah, okay
iniqua invidia that's why it's your favorite movie isn't it/
schizo02 it didn't hurt but no....its exceptional, it made me think, and it hit a lot of ideas I think about.....and russel crowe rocks
iniqua invidia you have a crush on russel crowe
iniqua invidia you traitor
iniqua invidia I mean, really, Russel Crowe?
schizo02 LOL nooooooo!
iniqua invidia hey, I still love and support you no matter what your decisions
iniqua invidia (you pouf)
schizo02 now ron howard.....theres a guy to cru-....um.....I'm not even going to dignify this by finishing the sentence its so wrong
iniqua invidia RON HOWARD?
iniqua invidia EWWWWWWW
iniqua invidia you have some funky taste in men
schizo02 LOL I have some funky taste out of men too
iniqua invidia ...
iniqua invidia uh, yeah
schizo02 and I have officially reached a level of wrongness nigh deadly
iniqua invidia it's all right
iniqua invidia you'd just be one of those people that dated the men no one else wanted
Curt has finally come out. It's official. He's a pouf. But he's my pouf. Go get your own.
(Time lost)
Disorder | Rating
Paranoid Low
Schizoid Low
Schizotypal Low
Antisocial Low
Borderline Low
Histrionic High
Narcissistic High
Avoidant High
Dependent Low
Obsessive-Compulsive High
test
more
info
Well then. I don't seem to do the whole "moderation" thing when it comes to personality disorders. I thought I was more paranoid though. The others seem fairly right however. Avoidant and Narcissistic especially. Exactly why I am writing this blog instead of putting myself into real, actual social situations and generally why I avoid any message boards. Narcissistic? Yeah, pretty much.
12:08 p.m.
Went shopping this morning. Bought hippie shirts. Am a tree-hugging bohemian. Well, not tree-hugging. More of Dexter-hugging. Or cute boy-hugging. I like that last one.
Some reviewers I just don't get. They try to be sarcastic, witty and insulting but just come off as idiotic and ignorant. Like typing in all capitals really makes you seem smart and witty, when you can't seem to grasp basic grammar. Or they think putting a smiley face after a degrading review makes it all okay. Generally, however, the reviewers are kind souls and inflate my ego indubitably. Heh, I used indubitably in a real sentence. Go me.
They always tell you to make outlines, and plan ahead in English for when you write. But whenever I plan, or make an outline, it all ends up being a big waste of time because I have this habit of ignoring it when actually writing. Usually, because I always get a new idea and it always works better than what I had during the planning process. So, basic outlines are nice. Though, those are usually ignored as well.
I fit the small, not size 12 pants. Am feeling like a rock star. I lost weight I guess. Or they just stretched really easily. However, am still proud of me.
AM getting my hair cut tomorrow. About a good seven or eight inches chopped off onto the linoleum floor. My hair is fickle and so am I. Can't seem to find a hair style that looks good on me and is manageable at the same time. *Sigh*. Lauren suggested I use horse hair shampoo. Thanks Lauren. Good to know you care.
Dexter threw up in my sister's room yesterday however. Was warm, smelly and icky. But definitely laughable. Not just on her floor either. Clothes too. Gosh, my cat rocks. He has style when it comes annoying people. He is a superior being after all.
Picked up this pamphlet thing at the bank today when Mom was setting up this account thingy (oh, like I so know anything about finance- I suck). It was this college savings/checking account thing that compounds interest with paying federal taxes and can be used at any accredited university in the nation to help pay for room and board, tuition, books, etc. Am going to badger my parents for one. I deserve it dammit.
Next time Developed obsessive compulsive disorder from pre-college insanity.
entry 50 July 11, 2002 7:51 p.m.
Music Long Distance Ivy
Mood blasé
Word of the day hair
Quote of the Day "I love baby food." "Yeah, it's a good appetizer, right before you eat the actual baby."
And it's gone. All gone. Six good inches of hair gone. And now my hair is impossibly short. Well, not that short really. Mid-neck. But still short. I feel free! Dexter is not speaking to me however. I disrupted his being by chopping off all the lovely hair he likes to burrow in. Sigh. You can't win all the time I suppose.
I also think I had a quote of the day. Oh, right, there, I remember it. Courtesy of my sister and my trip down the baby isle in the grocery store. Was much disappointed that only one of the cute twins was working today. And he didn't even bag for us this time. Sigh. Oh well, I'll be back with Mother in another week or two anyway to distract the dears. because of course, I always wear tight shirts when going to see the twin baggers (rowr).
Reviewers have been oh so kind in commenting on my humorous fic. Am in love with the many reviewers. Must schnoogle reviewers.
Yawn.
1:41 p.m.
The pervy internet freaks are after me again. And they have such great pick-up lines ("You could be fucking your neighbor's wife tonight...."). Uh, I don't think they realize that they're marketing such things to a heterosexual female that , besides being a minor, doesn't want to be doing any of that.
Am going to get my hair cut today. Have taken a before picture, and shall take an after picture. Just for shits and giggles. *Sniff* memories.
Updated the Long-Term/Short-Term To-Do List with some additions:
Stop eating babies.
Stop being abused by lauren.
Find a new hobby.
Stop worrying.
Find a style for hair.
Lose weight.
Strengthen willpower (especially against fattening food).
Make list of DVDs to buy.
Make list of CDs to buy.
Update wardrobe.
Break free of the suffocating bonds imposed by parents.
Break free of this life of wile servitude.
Get laid.
Write more poems.
Find a domain name.
Obsess over finances for college.
Annoy greatly.
Next time Dorky personality problems.