the U.S. presidential election has become, it has overlooked
a far more serious election scandal; that is the election to
the office of treasurer which was STOLEN by Sonny the
Cuckoo Bird. I say we recount the votes, but only after the
illegal votes by persons under the voting age of 18 are
tossed out. Sonny knew that no adult would vote for him,
but little kids could be swayed by promises of chocolate
money. So he and his corporate controllers at General MIlls
cooked up a scheme wherein minors would thwart the
constitution with a controversial system of online voting
and votes by postcard. Unfortunately, it may be too late
to reverse the election now. Sonny has already started
minting chocolate money and putting it inside specially-
marked boxes of Cocoa Puffs. But if nothing else, this
travesty illustrates the need for drastic campaign finance
reform. Sonny's campaign was completely financed by
General Mills, which stands to gain quite a bit from his
election, since the only way to get the "free" chocolate
money Sonny promised is to buy a box of Cocoa Puffs!
Meanwhile, the campaigns of the Donkey and the
Elephant were practically non-existant.
If the public were allowed to hear all three sides of the
story, and not just through commercials for Cocoa Puffs
which obviously favored Sonny, a better choice might have
been made.
Sonny's plan for money has serious flaws, the main one
being that chocolate will melt and get all over everything.
Under normal conditions a chocolate coin will probably
last a couple weeks, if nobody eats it. The traditional metal
coins prescribed by the other candidates will last 30 years
or more.
Of course the Donkey and Elephant's plans for the future
of our currency raise quesions too, but they wouldn't cause
the crisis we're about to see with Sonny's ill-advised
chocolate money plan.
Are you OUTRAGED yet? Is your mouth foaming? Teeth
gritting? Eyeballs and neck-veins bulging?
Good. Now call the United States Treasury at
202-622-2000
and click on this link to send comments to General Mills:
http://www.generalmills.com/navigation/comments
Show them we're not going to stand by while a giant
corporation buys itself a candidate for the sole pupose
of selling a few more boxes of vastly-overpriced cereal!
Thank you!