The Housing Crunch:
How it affects the Gemstoners

   With all the new freshmen moving in on campus, as everyone knows, The University of Maryland is under a housing strain, and some of the hardest hit people are the Gemstoners.  Former singles have been converted to doubles, or even triples, and one double holds the entire 12 person Urban Planning Team.  Four freshmen live in a microwave on the 4th floor lounge in Ellicott Hall, and the dryers usually have people trying to nap in them. 

  What the University won't tell you however, is that Gemstone is being forced to come up with new ways to hold more students in less space.  Don't be shocked if by next year certain large dressers are converted into quads, and people are living in storage closets.  Certain lounges may get converted into huge rooms where 20-30 people will live and study, and beds will be replaced by hammocks, so more people can live in every room.

  What about class sizes?  They of course will rise as well.  Cole Field House will soon be used to hold upper level math classes, as no other building will be able to contain them.  And classes like English 101?  They will get moved to McKeldin Mall, and Chapel Field, rain or shine.  Just because classes will be held outside, doesn't mean the school will close for snow, so don't get your hopes up.

  Another consequence of the housing crunch is the tightening of housing restrictions.  Now even breathing outside your window is considered a Class A violation, so even though the heat is killing you, don't even open your window, or you may get kicked right out of housing. 

  The 'Housing Nazis' as they have been dubbed are looking for any reason to throw someone out of housing.  One student who spoke with us under the condition we did not refer to him as Scott Snowman had these words for us:

RGT: "Have you had any incidents with Campus Housing?"

'Not Scott': "Well, there was the fire we had recently.  I came out of my dorm room and saw a trash can burning in our lounge, and then it spilled onto the couch, so I pulled the fire alarm and got out."

RGT: "Sounds like you're a hero.  What did Housing say?"

'Not Scott': "That pulling the fire alarm was a class A violation.  They threw me, my roommates and everyone on my floor out of housing."

RGT: "Where do you live now?"

'Not Scott': "A steam vent near the Computer Science Building."

  Minutes after our conversation, 'Not Scott' was thrown out of the vent by Campus Housing for building a loft in the vent.  So you see, the housing crunch has the entire campus on alert, as they look for more space.  Of course, all of this would have been prevented if campus officials would evict the squirrels from Cambridge Community, but that is a whole other story.

- The Taco Avenger
Just another causualty of the housing crunch, any sleeping space is a comfort for Sleep Shift B, who are half the people living  in a ex-triple that now houses 15 people.