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| Want to know what caused this sad state of affairs? Just put your mouse on the picture. It's a tragedy. |
| MONKEY MADNESS!! Before we told you about the menace of the squirrels. Now we have a new menace to worry about. Monkeys. Everyone reading this should immediately panic, as monkey bites are swiftly climbing. Last year monkey bites were the 437th leading cause of death in things, right behind breathing, and one spot in front of asteroid collisions. You may say that this means nothing, but the year before they were much lower on the list, coming after spontaneous human combustion, and even cabbage. That is an alarming statistic. So, unless we want to ban monkeys, and cabbage for that matter, everyone needs to go out and get properly monkey vaccinated as soon as you can. If you don't want to, then you can move to Indonesia. Monkeys are believed to carry ebola. A special agent (in order to hide his identity we will refer to him as Phil Shaffer) observed several monkeys escaping a pathology lab last Tuesday. They were seen carrying several unlabeled beakers, except for the one who was seen carrying several unlabeled scientists. If you should happen to run into a monkey we have several tips: 1) Pray. Okay, we lied. We had only one tip. |