Somewhere in Florida - Canada’s Diva has delivered a baby boy in a Florida hospital and the kid is already making noise.
“Tabernacle, dat Momma of mine makes ha lot of noise,” the newborn said from his nursery bed. “I tot she was noisy from hinside da womb but, Mon Zee, hit is taireeb hout ‘ere!”
(Tabernacle, that Momma of mine makes a lot of noise. I thought she was noisy from inside the womb but, (no known translation), it is terrible out here!”)
The latest Dion to make the headlines continued, “Where da ’ell is my Papa? H’all I ‘ave see is a guy dat is old enough to be my Grandpapa.”
(Where the hell is my father? All I have seen is a guy that is old enough to be my Grandfather.)
When informed that Rene Angelil is in fact his father, the young Dion loaded his Newborn Pampers.
“You ‘ave to be fucking kidding me, you Hinglish speaking bastard,” he uttered as one of his many nannies wiped his Quebecois ass.
(You have to be fucking kidding me, you English speaking bastard!)
Dion recalled the invitro-conception, “Dair was a bright lights and I was frickin’ cold. Den I was shoved hinside Mama. Da singing dat night! I tot for sure dat de Hen WHY Pee Dee would be knocking hon d'otel door, for certainement.”
(There was a bright light and I was very cold. Then they placed me into Mama. The singing that night was annoying. I expected the NYPD to bust down the hotel door for sure.)
“Hand Hi ham telling you guy right now, dat if Mama tinks she can sing de fricking Titanic song while she is breastfeeding moi, den she ‘as hanother think coming,” the soon-to-be-spoiled-rotten Dion added menacingly.
(And I am telling you right now that if Mama thinks she can sing that chest-pounding Titanic song while I am suckling at her less-than voluptuous breasts, then she had better rethink the whole plan.)
As he puffed on a celebratory cigar, Rene-Charles was heard to mutter, “”ave day replaced dat bastard Bouchard? Get that fricking red flag away from my cot, you Hanglo Nanny, you.”
(No known English translation)
