My Story

I grew up in a rural town in Ohio, and was a good student, so I went to college to become a doctor. You could say it was my dream and it absorbed all my energy and commitment.   Eventually,   I returned to the same small town, and built a practice for myself.  In  the meantime, I was married and helped to raise our four children. I had accomplished the American dream, and yet, I became more  depressed.  That is when I took the time for myself, that I recommend to patients, and began to search for answers.   I was blessed along the way with a wife who also was perplexed, and wanted so much more for us.  She encouraged and supported me as I earnestly sorted out my feelings for the first time in my life.  That is when I finally was first able to acknowledge my same sex attraction.   At first I convinced myself and my wife that I was bisexual, and we entered counseling to deal with my inability to accept my feelings and to improve my ability to communicate in my  marriage.   I became much better at exploring and expressing my feelings, and I felt much better.   But, later that same year, I began to feel depressed again.  That is when I faced the fact that I was no longer the ideal American male, and that I had a much stronger attraction to men than to women.   I told her the same day of the feelings that I had finally discovered and that I now had to accept.

We put our improved communication skills to use and planned together our next steps.   We decided to divorce.   I could no longer keep up the front to the ones I have and will always love the most.   People have questioned me since that day, and all I can say is that after 38 years, I could not hide my feelings any longer, no matter how much I tried.   If I could have, it would have been far easier.   That is why I believe that being gay is something that we cannot control. To all the straights in this world, I hope that my story makes you realize that no gay chooses this.   Each homosexual risks everyday the loss of friends, family, status, housing, and even employment.   My rights are as limited as any minority.   This is quite a change from the accomplished and accepted man that I was.

For over a year after the divorce, I just concentrated on the kids and all the adjustments. I made a few gay friends, and learned about their relationships and the sheltered life of most gays in a rural area. Survival seems to be a strength of mine, and at that point it was time to sort out what I wanted in life. It took me awhile to come to my conclusions, but I decided that I want a long-term relationship and my kids. The last few years have been blessed with meeting many new people in my life, and exploring new relationships.  I have continued to enjoy the development of my vocation, kids, and community involvement, but have not found my lifetime partner.   I am still looking for Mr. Right, and I am just enough of a dreamer to believe that I will find him.

At this point, I  have been out to everyone, and even quoted in the local paper.  It was not an easy process.  Even when I was "in the closet" in this small town, my children were the brunt of gay slurs and jokes. That hurts as a person, but especially as a parent.  Being a minority and dealing with prejudice, are not easy concepts to explain to children.  I'm not sure what is right to anyone who may be reading this, but I have had to accept that the standard directions on how to do a life, didn't fit me. I know it isn't the classic family, but it is my family. For anyone struggling with being a GLBT parent,   I wish you courage and love. It isn't easy, but it is probably one of the most worthwhile endeavors you will have,

As I  look to the future, I continue to explore my spirituality as a sexual minority, and currently am attending the local Unitarian Universalist Church.   Also, I continue to be active in our newly formed PFLAG chapter.   At times these efforts seem small and slow to come, but then I remember this is Smallville, and also my advice to anyone. . .

Even if   you live in Smallville. . .              Keep on trying!                       Don

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