November 7, 1997

THE TRINK PAGE

Faith, hope and dreams

People start having hopes/wishes/desires/daydreams from the time they are little children and one stands out among the rest, rarely fulfilled and invariably disappointing when it is. Usually beyond their reach, it is kinder to pass on still yearning than to relentlessly strive to attain it and, after succeeding, realising that the time and effort expended weren't worth the prize.

A grade school classmate, Don wanted nothing less than all the money in the world. It was an awesome ambition and his friends, myself among them, encouraged him in it without stopping to think that if he carried it off he would end up with our (at least our fathers') money as well. Perhaps we were greedy and expected him to give us some. In the event, the last I heard, Don had become a salesman.

Jack was determined to wed a nymphomaniac. We were pubescent, the sap was flowing and sex was on all our minds. As Jack saw it, happiness was going at it morning, noon and night. It remained for him to find a girl with similar rampaging hormones. In fact, he didn't look far and married the neighbourhood slut. Jack soon regretted it, however. He told us that she wore him out and was unfaithful besides. I never learned if they broke up. There's a lesson there somewhere.

Michelle set her mind on becoming a television actress. She had an attractive face and voluptuous body going for her. On the negative side, she spoke in a monotone. That she got any work at all was due to her willingness to be tested on the casting couches of the respective studios. I viewed her in a drama where she talked on the phone for 30 minutes. She was awful, but jobs were regular. Michelle assured me she was happy.

Henry, whom I met at university, was certain that he was going to write the great American novel. He carried a notebook and was always writing in it - thoughts, descriptions, conversations. Running into him after a few years at a rent party in Greenwich Village, he was still making notes. "Same book or a different one?" I asked. "Same," he mumbled, with some irritation. "Don't rush me." Decades later, it has yet to appear in print. How many notebooks has he filled, I wonder?

A Rolls-Royce would be the answer to Saul's prayers. He'd torn the picture of one out of a magazine and kept it folded in his wallet, taking it out and showing it to anybody who cared to listen to his praise for that car. A R-R distributor could't rave about it more. Then he became a cabbie, driving a Ford. "What about the R-R?" I asked. "Saving for it," he replied. I hope he lives that long.

At 28, Rose has been a demimondaine for 12 years. She's had a rough time of it, what with a husband who took a minor wife and a pimp who told her he loved her, then absconded with her savings. But she saved some more and plans to open a dressmaking business in her hometown, yet she knows that she needs more money. But she also knows that at her age she's considered over the hill as younger girls keep choosing to join the profession. "All I ask for is to be employed another two years," she told me.

As for me, to be well-known and respected for what I do. And to keep doing it for as long as I am able. For all its disorder I love this place and can't imagine re-settling in an efficient society. The bottom line is that I have faith in the future of the Kingdom.

WILL the new government affect the nitery entertainment scene? In one way, most certainly. Come January, all the watering holes must shut for 48 hours during Election Day.

WITH Amazing Thailand Years '98-'99 coming up I, for one, would like to ask the new government to re-evaluate national policy re closing times of oases. 2 a.m. was arbitralily chosen without rhyme or reason. It doesn't cut down prostitution one iota or lower the crime rate.

The fact is that many people - locals, residents and tourists - enjoy drinking late. So rescind the mandatory closing time and allow marketing forces to determine how long they wish to imbibe. Apart from making good sense, it will add desperately needed foreign exchange to the country's coffers. Just a thought.

FOODLAND now sells small bottles and cans of Singha beer for 26.50 baht, up from 22. Ale houses are in the process of increasing their Singha price by 10 baht. Any comment would be superfluous.

FORMER Limelight Bar (Patpong Road) is now a shop selling shoulder bags and suitcases...

AS the recession kicks in, more and more lasses from upcountry are pouring into Fun City and applying for work in the gin mills. And, no, they don't think they're expected to be librarians. Cases of "TIT" (This Is Thailand).

EL GORDO'S CANTINA (Soi 8, off Silom), run by Richard and Sureeporn, is celebrating its ninth anniversary tonight. Starting at 10 p.m. a game will be played, with a prize given to each winner. At midnight, a prize to the best singer of the evening. Miss Tequila Shooter will be on hand, with Tequila slammers for all. Come by.

A reader's definition. Baht - local version of Confederate money.

STABLE RESTAURANT (Soi 8, off Sukhumvit), run by Erik, will celebrate the old Danish traditional Mortens Aften (the evening of Morton the Bishop) on Monday, November 10. Roast duck with all the trimmings from 7 p.m. - 450 baht, 1/2 price for children.

A retired farang resident likes children and that's the rub, because his feelings for them aren't sexual. He merely enjoys observing their outdoor activities - playing soccer, kicking a takraw ball around, swimming in the klong, etc. Though fluent in the language, he makes no effort to strike up a conversation. But no longer. He noticed adults eyeing him suspiciously and overheard (thinking he didn't understand) more than once their voiced belief that he must be a paedophile. So now he never gives youngsters a second glance and his intentions are no longer a concern. Cases of "MANURE" (huMAN natURE).

CHEQUERS PUB (Soi 4, off Sukhumvit) is operational. Whether it will give Jools, further along, a run for its money remains to be seen.

FROM an actual performance evaluation: "I would not allow this employee to breed."

SHADOW BAR (Soi Cowboy), run by Ow, has installed a new sound system, has new Go-Go girls who dance to rock 'n' roll and rhythm 'n' blues and offers free snacks Saturday nights. Mosey on over.

FYI (for your information). The new price of cans of McGarrett's baked beans is 40 baht, up from 34.50.

DUE to the e-mail I've received commenting on my previous column, I'll answer the questions raised with several additional quotes from What If Everything You Thought You Knew About Aids Was Wrong? by Christine Maggiore: "Acquired immune deficiency has four primary, medically proven causes that are not infectious or transmitted through blood or blood products. These causes have been listed in the medical literature for over 70 years.

- Malnutrition: Until 1985, Dr Anthony Fauci of the National Institute of Health stated that malnutrition was the number one cause of immune deficiency in the world, particularly in developing regions such as Africa.

- Chemotherapy: The primary target of chemotherapy is the bone marrow where the immune system is formed. Chemotherapy is also destructive to the digestive system, interfering with the body's ability to absorb and digest nutrients, causing malnutrition.

- Recreational drug abuse: Medical literature dating back to the turn of the century records the immuno-suppressive effects of drug abuse including pneumonias, mouth sores, fevers, endocarditis, bacterial infections and night sweats - all symptoms now associated with Aids.

- Pharmaceutical drug abuse: Antibiotics and steroids are a few of the many prescription drugs that are known to have damaging effects on the immune system, especially when used to excess. AZT ddl, ddC, 3TC and D4T are pharmaceutical drugs prescribed as 'anti-virals,' that destroy the immune and digestive systems."

A reader's oxymoron. Almost exactly.

YOU know it's going to be a bad day when your car payment, house payment and girlfriend are three months overdue.

MY sincerest apologies for scolding "Big" Bill for sending me a late fax and expecting the item to get into my column. His boss, Larry, blames himself for holding on to it too long.

HOLLYWOOD 2 BAR (third floor, Nana Entertainment Plaza), run by Johnny, will open shortly. More about this as I learn of it.

BIG BLUE 1 BAR (Soi Cowboy), run by Andy, is on the chopping-block. Interested parties, please note.

AS all the first-class caravansaries will celebrate Loy Krathong in style on Friday, November 14, either at the river or their swimming pools, space doesn't allow noting the differences in festivities and respective tariffs. Which applies to the private restaurants celebrating it as well. I expect that other pages of the Bangkok Post will detail such information in due course. Have a good time. 'Nuff said.

ACCORDING to L.M. Boyd, Colorado's mountains outnumber Switzerland's six to one.

NEW Chemical Element Discovered: "The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by investigators at a major US research university.

The element, tentatively, named administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of O. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganisation.

Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising."

BUT, I DON'T GIVE A HOOT!