December 26, 1997

THE TRINK PAGE

Off the top of my head

B e r n a r d T r i n k

As I observe 1997 fading into history, I'd like to pass along some thoughts off the top of my head. First and foremost are the discernible effects of the current recession. As an increasing number of businesses close and the cost of living rises, sacked full and part-time employees are in a bind. Foreign workers (more than a few at management level) are returning to their homelands with the hope of finding jobs there. But what of their local counterparts?

Alas, their prospects are bleak. Hundreds, if not thousands respond to Help Wanted ads for the limited positions available, though hardly any fill the listed requirements. And they are soon sifted out in the tests such companies give as well as in interviews by their personnel directors. Willingness to learn and OJT (on the job training) aren't taken into consideration when experience is the prime requisite.

To be sure the Thai applicants can't be blamed for wanting the highest salaries possible and assure potential employers that they have a background in the field on the administrative level, not to mention fluency in English. However, such assertions are disproved after a few questions. One trying for the position of restaurant manager hadn't a clue what was expected of him and his English was rudimentary. Another, passing himself off as a bartender, didn't know the difference between grenadine and gin.

Local women are in the same boat, reluctant to drop from supervisor to salesgirl or white collar worker to waitress. Sadly, several have resorted to freelancing. Eschewing the nitery entertainment field, they are going to constellations (after hours meeting places) to pick up punters for extracurricular activities. Dressing well, choosing carefully, clearly not run-of-the-mill bar girls/Go-Go dancers, they are asking top dollar and getting it.

Also showing up at the constellations of late are coeds, in street clothes. They don't mind revealing who they are and why they are there. Until recently they had socially acceptable part-time jobs, yet have been made redundant. Their income had gone to paying tuition. Now they must look elsewhere for money and freelancing is it. Unlike the group above they don't dress to the nines and are less particular about who they pick up, as long as the pay is sufficient for their services.

The devaluation has reached the provinces and more farm girls than usual are coming from upcountry to apply for work in the watering holes. Those 18 and over who are reasonably pretty are hired. They know what is expected of them and are willing to do it. Most lost their virtue in their early teens. The few virgins among them set their own price for losing it - 10,000 baht about average. Generally, they sell it as often as they can - until it becomes obvious that they've long since lost it.

Strongly advised by mamasans to use condoms, they usually go along with what the punter wants. If he refuses to don one, so be it rather than have him tell her he's no longer interested and return to the oasis empty-handed. The dreaded disease has yet to rear its head in the nitery entertainment areas of the metropolis, though there are cases of VD (STD).

[*] I disagree with WHO that HIV is the Aids virus and that the Realm will succumb to the Aids pandemic.

[*] I disagree with the manufacturers that AZT, alone or in cocktail form, is a remedy for Aids. The only thing AZT does is destroy the bone marrow, the key to the body's immunity system.

[*] LOTS of Russians in Pattaya. The word is that they come in and go out through Sattahip, where Customs are lax. Be that as it may, they arrive with greenbacks and leave with purchases. Apart from Russian restaurants, local businesses are putting up signs in Cyrillic to attract them. And massage girls are picking up basic phrases for the same purpose, but whether the Russian women will permit the men to stray remains to be seen.

[*] ONE of the first acts of the Chuan Govt was to remove the horse and dog police patrols put into effect by its predecessor. The equines are best remembered for the poop with which they littered the beach. The canines scored no brownie points sniffing sunbathers for drugs.

[*] PATTAYA'S finest made half-hearted attempts to close the ale houses at 3 a.m., then gave it up as a lost cause. In fact many do close then, but only because of market forces. With a few exceptions, the boites haven't enough imbibers at 3 a.m. to persuade the publicans that it's worthwhile to continue operating.

[*] LONG noted for its gay bars, the Pattayaland area is filling with regular A-Go-Go bars. Pretty soon, it will give the Golden Mile a run for its money.

[*] BISTRO owners on the Golden Mile are irate that it turns into a walking street on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays from 7 p.m. to midnight. Tables set up are selling Singha draught for a fraction of the price charged inside the gin mills. All's fair in love, war and business - or, is it?

[*] MARINE BAR on the Golden Mile has opened an A-Go-Go bar in the back, near the Gulf. Incidentally, to reach the disco upstairs there's now an escalator.

[*] HOF RESTAURANT (Soi Yamato, off Beach Road) is the 'in' place in Pattaya. It offers tasty food, its own micro-brewery, first-rate music with foreign entertainers. A visit is in order.

[*] ALL the King's Group dramshops (Patpong area) will see in the New Year with dusk till dawn shows, games and prizes. Free drinks at the witching hour. Come by.

[*] 1998 will be greeted with firecrackers galore. I wish there was something to celebrate the rest of the year...

[*] NO sooner did Hollywood 2 Bar (third floor, Nana Entertainment Plaza) have its grand opening last Saturday than it was closed for three days. It operated a shower show without permission. A case of "TIT" (This Is Thailand).

[*] HOT RODS (ground floor, NEP), run by the Crown Group, remains open in more ways than one. Its doors, smashed in the wee hours, have yet to be replaced.

[*] A reader's definition. All new - parts not interchangeable with the previous model.

[*] BOURBON STREET Bar & Restaurant (Washington Square), run by Doug & Darrell, will start celebrating New Year's Eve at 6 p.m. with an all-you-can-eat Cajun barbecue buffet - 400 baht plus 10 per cent service charge. Ray at the keyboard from 9 p.m. A free glass of Champagne at midnight.

[*] THE fire at the Asoke market the other night didn't spread to Soi Cowboy, I'm pleased to report.

[*] ONLY half the Soi Cowboy taprooms have fire-escapes (many lasses sleep upstairs). How about the other half building fire-escapes ASAP (as soon as possible)? 'Nuff said.

[*] A reader's oxymoron. Passive aggression.

[*] YOU know it's going to be a bad day when your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels.

[*] THE last time I looked, Radio City (Patpong Road) was closed. But its tables and chairs outside are always full. Any comment would be superfluous.

[*] FIGURE Love Boat air-conditioned beer bar (ground floor of the Bat Boat, Patpong 2) to open any day now.

[*] A man was feeling very depressed and walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured the drink, he remarked: "That's quite a heavy drink. What's wrong?"

[*] After quickly downing his drink, the man replied: "I got home and found my wife in bed with my best friend."

[*] "Wow!" exclaimed the bartender, as he poured the man a second triple. "No wonder you need a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."

[*] As the man downed his second drink, the bartender asked him: "What did you do?"

[*] "I walked over to my wife," the man replied, "looked her straight in the eye and told her that we were through and to pack her stuff and get out."

[*] "That makes sense," said the bartender, "but what about your best friend?"

[*] The man replied: "I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and said 'Bad Dog!' "

[*] ACCORDING to L.M. Boyd, archaeologists have turned up prehistoric human skeletons that show misshapen elbow joints. Evidently from an ailment they liken to some such suffered by modern tennis players. They call it "spear elbow."

[*] TRAFFIC police are having a grand time nailing drivers for not wearing seat-belts and for making illegal U-turns. Be warned!

[*] T-shirt message: "Wink, I'll do the rest!"

[*] A question I haven't asked in some time. Why isn't malted milk available here?

[*] ALL of the first class caravansaries will be laying on special feeds on New Year's Eve. Go to the hotel of your choice then and enjoy.

[*] IT'S IN The Official Explanations by Paul Dickson: "A paper supporting any claim can be found somewhere in medical literature" (Michael A. Rogawski).

[*] "When everyone begins to believe anything it ceases to be true; for example, the notion that the ugliest girl in the party is the safest" (H.L. Mencken).

[*] "A penny saved is a penny" (Donald R. Woods).

[*] "The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you" (Jack W. Whiteman).

[*] "Guys who chew on unlit cigars have a tough time convincing me they're telling the truth" (Jimmy Cannon).

[*] "If you are a writer, editor, publisher, or affiliated with an advertising agency, everyone knows more about your business than you do" (Jack Kneass).

[*] "If you are unable to decide between two things, do whichever is cheapest" (Fred Bondy).

[*] "If you have a bunch of clowns, you're going to have a circus" (R.J. Boettcher).

[*] "Your brightest, sharpest new employees are the first to leave your organisation - as the cream rises to the top it will be skimmed off" (Ken Rigsbee).

[*] "The best and the worst make history. The mediocre breed" (Ryan Anthony).

[*] "You are always doing something unrelated to work when your boss drops by your desk" (T. Camille Flowers).

[*] "Success in a bureaucracy depends not so much on whom you please, but on whom you avoid making angry" (David A. Tansik).

[*] "The person you're leaving a note for always appears just as you finish writing it" (Mrs Clifford R. Peer).

BUT, I DON'T GIVE A HOOT!