November 20, 1998

THE TRINK PAGE

What is a vet?

Honouring the veterans

Bernard Trink

In the US, November 11 is Veterans day. It commemorates the end of WW I at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918. And this US holiday honours the veterans of the armed forces. Last week Father Denis Edward O'Brien, USMC, delivered the Veterans Day Message on the theme of "What Is A Vet?":

"Some veterans bear visible signs of their service: a missing limb, a jagged scar, a certain look in the eye. Others may carry the evidence inside them; a pin holding a bone together, a piece of shrapnel in the leg - or perhaps another sort of inner steel; the soul's ally forged in the refinery of adversity.

"Except in parades, however, the men and women who have kept America safe wear no badge or emblem. You can't tell a vet just by looking. So, what is a vet?

"He is the cop on the beat who spent six months in Saudi Arabia sweating two gallons a day making sure the armored personnel carriers didn't run out of fuel.

"He is the barroom loudmouth, dumber than five wooden planks, whose overgrown frat-boy behaviour is outweighed a hundred times on the cosmic scales by four hours of exquisite bravery near the 38th parallel.

"She - or he - is the nurse who fought against futility and went to sleep sobbing every night for two solid years in Da Nang.

"He is the PoW who went away one person and came back another - or didn't come back at all.

"He is the Quantico drill instructor that has never seen combat - but saved countless lives by turning slouchy, no-account rednecks and gang members into Marines and teaching them to watch each other's backs.

"He is the parade-riding Legionnaire who pins on his ribbons and medals with a prosthetic hand.

"He is the career quartermaster who watches the ribbons and medals pass by.

"He is the three anonymous heroes in The Tomb of the Unknowns, whose presence at the Arlington National Cemetery must forever preserve the memory of all the anonymous heroes whose valor dies unrecognised with them on the battlefield or in the ocean's sunless deep.

"He is the old guy bagging groceries at the supermarket - palsied now, aggravatingly slow - who helped liberate a Nazi death camp, and who wishes all day long that his wife were still alive to hold him when the nightmares come.

"He is an ordinary yet an extraordinary human being - a person who offered some of his life's most vital years in the service of his country, and who sacrificed his ambitions so others would not have to sacrifice theirs.

"He is a soldier and a savior and a sword against the darkness."

[*] A girl/Should hold on/To her youth/But not/When he's driving/Burma-Shave (1942).

[*] POLITICIANS and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

[*] WHILE the weather in the Realm varies at any given time (e.g. floods in the south, light precipitation in Krung Thep) the rainy season, to all intents and purposes, is over. Visitors from abroad are on the increase, half the European languages overheard at the Patpong night bazaar hardly recognizable. Phuket and Ko Samui are the destinations of choice, yet all the other Thai locales are experiencing the upsurge in tourism as well.

[*] A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirins and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?"/"It's for your headache."/"I don't have a headache."/He replies, "Gotcha!"

[*] IT'S OFFICIAL. Peppermint Bistro (Patpong Road), run by Intira, is calling it a day. The constellation (after hours meeting place) has changed hands and, following alterations, will reopen as a leather goods shop.

[*] A tip o' the hat to Bang Rak's big wheel for cracking down real hard on the clip joints in the Patpong area.

[*] YOU know you have gone native when you find out that your girlfriend is the mia noi of your boss.

[*] BOURBON ST (Washington Square), run by Doug and Darrell, will be having its annual Thanksgiving day feast on Thursday, November 26 from 3 p.m. to 10 p.m. All-you-can-eat-buffet of turkey, ham, cornbread dressing and all the traditional trimmings - adults 475 baht plus plus, under 12-year-olds 300 baht plus plus. Come by.

[*] CHAIN LETTERS are going e-mail and have been updated, but the kicker remains the same - trouble if you neglect to send 10 copies, reward if you remember. Oh, well.

[*] CONCERNED Aussie parents informed that their son will wed a Thai bar girl ask me the chances of the marriage succeeding. I'd say Absolute Zero. "TIT" (This Is Thailand).

[*] A woman and a man are involved in an auto accident. Both of their cars are totalled but, miraculously, neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their wrecks, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a very large swig from the bottle, then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and puts the cap back on. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

[*] HOW much coin-of-the-Realm did Richard H. make off with after selling Playskool Bar (Nana Entertainment Plaza) many times over? Current estimates differ, from 39 million to 50 million baht. More about this as I learn of it.

[*] THE line-up this weekend at Masquerade Club/Disco (third floor NEP) Flow Band from Canada tonight; Todd Tongdee & The Virus H.I.P. tomorrow night; Tequila Sunrise on Sunday night. No cover charge. Drop up.

[*] ONLY in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

[*] E-MAIL from a reader: "I want to comment on your remarks about promoting Soi Cowboy for the tourists. From the point of view of the expat community in Bangkok, I think it is fair to say Soi Cowboy is looked upon as something of a sanctuary during the tourist season.

"In NEP and Patpong, it will soon become impossible to get a seat in a bar, the prices for the employees will rocket, generally the whole experience of an after-work drink will become less enjoyable and, in fact, somewhat stressful.

"So long as Soi Cowboy remains (relatively) off the tourist track, it will retain an atmosphere of being somewhere where one can go for a quiet drink. Or a large group of office workers can go and be assured of having sufficient room to be able to sit together.

"Soi Cowboy entrepreneurs can take comfort in the fact that as the tourists flock to NEP and Patpong, the expats will similarly shift their regular locations to Soi Cowboy." "MANURE" (huMAN natURE).

[*] COWBOY'S Guide to Life: Don't squat with your spurs on.

[*] THE annual Ploenchit Fair will be held tomorrow, in the grounds of the British Embassy, 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Bring the family for fun and games. Proceeds to charities.

[*] BOTH Irish pubs in the metro-polis are relating with tomorrow's Ploenchit Fair. O'Reilly's (Silom/ Thaniya) will offer a free glass of Carlsberg to those submitting a PF programme. Delaney's (Convent road) will extend their Happy Hour till 8:30 p.m. to accommodate PF revellers. On Tuesday the 24th the 2nd Battalion Scots Guards, Pipes & Drums Band will appear at both, respectively, from 8 p.m. This day, Delaney's will be celebrating their third anniversary. Thanksgiving Day dinners at both on Thursday the 26th, with a first anniversary shindig at Delaney's (Pattaya 2 Road).

[*] A farang reader asks the procedure after winning any of the National Lottery numbers. Over to you.

[*] ACCORDING to L.M. Boyd, at age 45 the statistical probability that a never-married woman eventually will marry is almost zero. Yet a divorcee at that age is just as likely to get married again as a never-married woman of 30.

[*] LA FIESTA Restaurant (Silom/ Patpong) serves American and Mexican grub. Mosey on over.

[*] OUGHT a farang invest his savings in a Pattaya A-Go-Go bar? Nay.

[*] CHRISTIAN, a knowledgeable publican, authorises me to print this. "Six years ago, I married a Thai girl. She was not a bar girl, but a sweet country girl. As she had only completed six years of primary school, I sent her to school until M3 and afterwards to a renowned private college for three more years, where she graduated in marketing and accounting. During that time I purchased, in her name, the land that her parents were renting (29 rai) to grow rice. During those six years there was a great climate of confidence between the two of us and we shared a bank account. Six months ago, after receiving her diploma, she fled one night with 800,000 baht. Shame on me."

[*] I don't dispute that many people love their mother, even if I'm not one of them. Which is why I have another stack of "Yo mama so fat" jokes:

- she lay on the beach and people ran around yelling: "Free Willy!"

- when she wears a yellow raincoat people say: "Taxi!"

- she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

- she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

- when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge.

- she's got her own area code.

- she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.

- every time she walks on high heels, she strikes oil.

- she fell and made the Grand Canyon.

- she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in.

- she got hit by a parked car.

- she stands in two time zones.

- when she wears a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back.

- she was Miss Arizona - class Battleship.

- when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.

- she's been declared a natural habitat for condors.

- she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

- when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride her.

- sets of car alarms when she runs.

- she was zoned for commercial development.

- when she gets on the scale, it says we don't do livestock.

- when she plays hopscotch she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

- the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

- when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

BUT, I DON'T GIVE A HOOT