Published in Innernet Magazine Rabbi Avraham J. Twerski |
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INNERNET MAGAZINE http://innernet.org.il AUGUST 2003 * * * "TAKE CONTROL!" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski * * * Quite often, we hear the advice, "Take control!" this can indeed be sound advice provided it is understood that the control taken is of oneself. Unfortunately, some people are rather lax in self-control, but may exert much effort in trying to control other people. Controlling others is morally wrong. The Talmud says that whereas God controls everything in the universe, He does not control a person's ethical and moral behavior (Brachot 33b). God allows people to have free choice to behave as they wish. If relinquishing control is good enough for God, Who does have the ability to control people's behavior, it should certainly be good enough for human beings who cannot control what others do. God wishes people to choose to behave properly because they have come to the understanding that such behavior is right. That should be the goal of human beings as well. We have all experienced, at one time or another, the distressing feeling of "things spinning out of control." It is frightening when we feel helpless, tossed about in a chaotic world over which we have no control. On the other hand, to the degree that we feel we have some control over our lives, to that degree we feel less distressed, if not happier. The psychiatrist Viktor Frankl describes the dehumanization that occurred to him in the concentration camps. Everything was taken from him, and he was under the ruthless domination of the camp guards. He had no control over anything. However, Frankl says, he had control over his attitude. He had a choice of how he was going to accept death. This was one "choice" the Nazis could not take from him, and he found strength in having the ability to control his attitude, even if it was only an attitude toward death. * * * An interesting observation was made of patients in severe pain. Some had to request pain medication from a nurse, while others had an apparatus whereby they could administer their own pain medication. Studies revealed that those patients who could control their own medication used less pain medication than those who had asked the nurse for it. The apparent conclusion is that being in control of oneself and not being helplessly dependent on others may reduce the severity of physical pain and the need for drugs. Having control over one's attitude may affect one's adjustment to life. At one wedding, where everyone was dancing, a woman with multiple sclerosis who was in a wheelchair, drummed her fingers on the table. "I am dancing, too," she said. "It's just that my feet aren't moving like other people's." It has been demonstrated that one's attitude can have a major effect on the course of illness and recovery... * * * [Let's consider] one of the reasons why self-control problems are so common today. Our wonderful technology has eliminated so many of the need to for delay. We have a broad variety of instant foods. We have microwave ovens, fax machines, e-mail, jet planes, high-speed copiers. Many of the things for which we had to wait in the past are available to us immediately. As our tolerance for delay erodes, our ability to exercise self-control diminishes. To the degree that an individual does not have control over himself, to that degree he is under control of external forces and other people. The Talmud states it so clearly. "If a person is in their rage, all the forces of hell have control over him" (Nedarim 22a). If a person loses control of his anger, something else takes over and controls him. Just as an addict loses control of himself and is enslaved by alcohol or drugs, so does a person who was a slave to making money, to pursuing a claim, or to any other compelling urge. [Jewish] daily references to the Exodus are not in commemoration of our political independence, but of our being free of all coercive forces that take away our ability to make proper choices. Our physical body, which is essentially an animal body, makes many demands. Animals are not free, because they cannot resist the dictates of their bodies. We have been given the Torah which enables us to be masters of ourselves rather than slaves to our bodies. The Torah says that the Ten Commandments were "inscribed on the Tablets" (Exodus 32:16). The Sages (Avos 6:2) say that inasmuch as there are no vowel signs in the Torah, the Hebrew word "charut" (inscribed) can also be read as "cherut" (liberty). The Torah is saying that the Word of God makes humans free. By observing the mitzvot and character behaviors prescribed by the Torah, we free ourselves from the tyranny of the body and can achieve self-control. Indeed, the essential feature that distinguishes us human beings is the ability to have self-control. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Excerpted with permission from "SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS AT HOME, AT WORK ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ InnerNet Magazine is published monthly as an on-line digest of fascinating articles from the Jewish world. Topics include relationships, spirituality, personal growth, philosophy, incredible true stories, and special editions for the Jewish holidays.
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