The Angels of Death

The angel of darkness was swiftly moving away from me. Pursuing her as hard as my strength would permit, she was nevertheless gaining ground, leaving me behind in anger and frustration. My Hecate with her long flowing hair as dark as her heart, if she had one, and her eyes, the colour of onyx.

"My dear Hecate, won't you be mine?"

The black arachnida, soon to be a widow if she so chose, toyed with me as she did countless times. She owed her powers to a deep seated hatred which was much stronger than mine, for mine were waning. We were two grim reapers cloaked in black robes, showing white bony faces, brandishing scythes, and sustained by the fear of mankind. Bodiless beings living on the plane closest to the Earth's and materializing at will to sway the dying on side with Evil.

The Middle Ages proved beneficial for us, angels of darkness. Many a mortal marionette, rich or poor, greatly believed in the existence of the Devil, and such was their apprehension at being tormented, that often they would succumb to our desire, to their conviction. Those silly humans espoused the teachings of the church and feared the wrath of god who would cast their souls to eternal damnation if their sins were grave enough, and most of their failings were. Instead of having faith and believing in themselves, they gave their powers away to anyone who asked, and their church leaders were first in line at the trough of their abandonment. Those few who had faith and trust within their heart could not be rocked, and their souls would always rise up to their heaven to be greeted by the angels of Light.

No longer blinded by my own hatred, I wasn't performing as well any more and I longed for companionship, much to the displeasure of the three devils who had enlisted my services at the end of my last existence on earth. The deep abhorrence I held for my fellow humans was beginning to dissipate. And yes, thirst for something akin to love made me ponder.

Sometimes I would hunt any souls with the utmost conviction for the benefit of my three masters or simply to impress my Hecate, who was really Brenna I had loved long ago. She had remained caged in her pain and judgement of mankind, and relentlessly laboured for the Dark ever since her horrible death on the soil of Britain. Such was her hatred that she could not even conceive the possibility of existing outside the Dark, let alone attempt to balance it with the Light. Nothing I did impressed her and she remained totally deaf to any positive thoughts I conveyed in her direction. If she had once blamed me for her ruin, she no longer cared. Quite the contrary, she enjoyed being an angel of darkness, and the exaltation of tormenting the souls of dying men was what she relished most deeply.

So there I was in a quandary, remaining fearful at the prospect of not being loved by her, or anyone, and afraid that my own return to the Light would be thwarted by either my three mentors or god's archangels. I tried to muster enough courage and free myself from the heaviness of this place where I dwelled. I knew that I didn't want to be a lost soul drifting aimlessly between Light and Dark. Somehow, I desperately wanted to identify with a purpose.

My Hecate -my Brenna- and I, had an immense area to cover. We rarely saw other grim reapers, which, in all probability, had been planned by the three devils who "looked after us". This way, I remained weak, for I, as well, had given my powers away. Whereas had I been in contact with other dark angels who wanted to forego this existence, a chance remained that, united, we could summon enough resolution to break the illusory shackles of our self-imposed bondage.

Whenever I felt sorrow, my three mentors glided out from the nether regions of hell in my direction and it sufficed to keep me in my place. No thoughts were exchanged, and it wasn't so much to instill fear in me as it was a reminder that I had pledged my loyalty to their ideals. The medieval era provided us with an abundant source of souls. Feuding was a way of life for Man, and during this era, the belligerent also wanted to rid the world of heathens and infidels, so every and any opportunity called for the annihilation of one another.

Although a great number believed their religious leaders, the not so unpleasant windfall wielded great enticement for the knights. Land, slaves and all, were just rewards for righteous fighters. Even Lords, who supposedly ascribed to the same saintly fervour, fought each other in the name of gain. The aristocrat tediously chiselled away at the fortunes and powers held by the kings of Europe and their families for the sole purpose of claiming a greater expanse under the sun. But to us, Grim Reapers, they were all pedantic fools, and in death, where no man could bring or barter his affluence, social classes mattered not.

The Hecate of my dreams had witnessed one of those young knights assemble his troops near a castle, which undoubtedly, was the object of his desires. He was a healthy young man and he had shaved his head to display his fierceness, when all along it served to remove any trace of baldness. His opponent, hiding behind the wall of his fortress, was a portly man who appeared to be in a permanent state of child bearing. They were two interchangeable boars, pompous and self-centred, who prided themselves at being members of the nobility.

Men who never understood that their freedom ended where that of others began. Inconsiderate brutes devoid of any manners, who were either too thick or ignorant, and who kept on imposing their presence by invading people's lives. Never giving it a second thought as if it was perfectly normal. Moving from one person to the next like leeches and draining everyone's energy through force or by their sheer insufferable presence. And fortunately for them, there appeared to be enough souls to abuse, though at times, they seriously tested that theory.

Those same irritating knights who would use the guise of friendship to draw out of men everything they possibly could for their sole gain, no matter how useless it was to them. Psychic vampires, with whom men didn't even want to be in the same country, much less be their friend. Philistines, kindred to mad dogs and not much brighter. Overbearing knights who always succeeded in striking the right cord in meek people who would oblige any demands.

Their little world revolved around themselves, and their wives or concubines would benefit from their supposedly generous nature. Their wives, their prizes, in a temporary enamoured state willingly donating the essence of their beings to those knights clad in armour that shone only for them. Women, whose thirst for love would never be quenched as long as they looked for it outside their own souls. Damsels in distress who elected to be powerless by choice or insecurity, always at the ready to please their master.

In a sense it was easy, some crude men dressed in metal offered to be responsible for their lives and provide, in the very least, material security. Those same knights, when lost in love, were more than eager to accommodate, and always referred to their wives and themselves as "we" when they alone existed. They made all the decisions, not wanting to realize that their little women were separate beings. Then again, many of those frail dames cheated and lied their way to financial prosperity. Women, continuing to perpetuate the myth that they were nothing if without a knight. Still, those spineless women danced the dance fooling themselves in being happy with childish warriors who would never grow up.

Invading the dreams of the two lords could provide some diversion. I looked forward to their collapse and would take particular pleasure in tormenting their far from immaculate souls. I should have rejoiced at their impending death, and die they would, but I grew tired of those pathetic beings who were not worthy of my time, and time, that human concept, was all I had.

I could have roamed China where the Black Death took its toll before reaching Europe, and for which we had not been responsible, or I could have remained on the land across the great expanse of water where the inhabitants called their leaders Chiefs instead of Lords, or further south even, where they built square pyramids and held gory sacrifices. But all those people had different systems of belief, much different from the Europeans, and alas, I was weakening and sought the comfort of my former lover to whom I no longer represented a kindred spirit.

As sure as the sun rises, the young knight remained faithful to his warring ways and assaulted the Lord's castle. Slaves, pushed by foot soldiers, cavalry men and archers, forced the melee by dragging catapults and ladders close to the rampart, while the young knight in all his glory commanded the attack from afar.

The stillness of the morning air was disturbed by the cries of war. And like two vultures, we waited in anticipation for the initial wave of combatants to die, and it was imminent. The soil would be covered by weapons of various sorts, and the dying bodies of fallen men trampled under the hooves of the horses, would litter the landscape. A few horses had already been killed and I momentarily felt bad for them, and although other Reapers did, we never pursued the souls of animals.

Some of the blood would taint the water flowing in the moat around the castle and be littered with corpses. My Hecate, my Brenna, resembled a black cat about to pounce on a defenceless mouse. To play with the frightened souls of dying men was her favourite pastime.

When many soldiers died in succession, we worked swiftly. Generally, however, we would pursue a soul steadily to ensure a greater imprint of evil upon it. But it was all relative in terms of human time. I watched my Hecate with fascination as she taunted one man. The autumn landscape added to the eerieness of the scene, for him in any event. The man had bled to death under his useless armour. And as his soul slowly rose from his ravaged body, all he could see was the skeletal shape of a grim reaper holding a scythe, a most effective form of visual terror.

The man, for his lack of faith, had separated himself from the god of his religious teachings. His ethereal body was contorted in an expression of ultimate terror. She shrouded the hapless mortal with her black cape and soon, he had vanished to join the collective element of the Dark, and his soul, as that of others, giving us that much more potency in the affairs of humans.

I swiftly made up for lost time at having observed Brenna, much to the satisfaction of the three devils who had surveyed this display of folly on the part of men. I was pleasantly surprised to see the lord of the castle slumped over the rampart. An archer, by luck or precision of aim, had lodged an arrow inside the obese man's rib cage and he was dying. Moments before, he had been a cocky tyrant who goaded his troops to defend his possessions, and now, he was about to become a heap of manure.
The three devils had vanished, and although I usually yearned to be particularly vicious with candidates of his sort, I no longer felt the urge. The aggressive yells of war and the noisy sound of battle had given way to the moaning and wailing of injured men. A most unattractive scenery really. Dead animals, which included men, lay higgledy-piggledy with open wounds, ready for the scavengers' feast. The battle field was deserted of able-bodied men now and all the souls we could sway to the Dark were gone.
We had missed a few here and there, based solely on the strength of their conviction, and they had made it to the Light unaffected by our presence. I was pleased with our performance and opted for a well deserved rest. Not my Hecate though. In her frenzied hatred, she materialized to taunt the injured. And for them it was a matter of time. Sooner or later they would die and only remember what awaited them in the process.

Some of the men would return home to be ostracised and ridiculed for their failures, and would resort to a life of crime and drinking to assuage the tragedy and ill treatment they had suffered. I tried unsuccessfully to entice my Hecate to save her energy for another battle. Materializing on the physical plane demanded a great amount of energy. We had to lower the vibrations of our beings in order to do so and it proved very exacting.

The young lord had fled unscathed. He would be back some day with fresh troops. The men and equipment that had been lost here were mere business expenses in his quest to conquer more territory. And if he did not return here, another knight would attempt to replace the deposed one. Battle grounds abounded across the land and were so easy to find. I had my fill of broken lances and arrows sticking out of cadavers for one day.

Boredom invaded me. There was no reaching my Hecate who chose to remain near and around the castle for a chance at capturing yet another soul. I went back to my lair, an underground cave, where I had piled the sun-bleached skulls of men. I summoned all my energies and materialized on top of the make-shift pyramid of craniums. I lay there in a fetal position feeling as lonely as I had never felt before and wondering where did grim reapers retired after an existence at the service of the Dark.

Despair made me cringe and I held on even more tightly to my skulls, sticking my bony fingers inside the occiputs and open mandibles. But the sensation of melancholy lingered and all the skulls in the world could not alleviate the ache I felt where my heart used to be. The sensation of power I experienced when I had joined the Dark was an illusion.

Upon my untimely death, at the service of William and my dear Isabelle, I had embraced the Dark. The least measure of prompting had been employed by the three devils. I was ready and would not listen to the angel of Light who tried to save me from myself. Was there such a thing as accidental death or premature demise, I wondered? The hatred I once harboured toward the husband of my dear Isabelle and whom I blamed for this existence, no longer persisted, and awareness seeped-in. I held one of the skulls toward the heavens and crushed it. Some fragments and powdery substance fell on the pile of skulls and I let myself fall along with it, still depressed.

No Light exists without the Dark but choosing to be exclusively evil had its price. It amounted to an existence void of positive feelings that kept you bound to a loveless plane. And love was, is and will be. I was beginning to understand what I could not before.

Many of the dead soldiers we had just swayed reacted now as I once did. Those mindless beasts of war and destruction lying about with their entrails spewing out of their bodies. At least the crows were happy. My awareness increased in comparative measure with the decline of my hatred. Spurts of loathing surfaced here and there, however, when I thought about the religious leaders who so misused the name of god, while I felt guilty myself for not having been able to break away from the enslavement of their teachings.

Pious men, who themselves were evil creatures hiding behind the veneer of their position and wielding immense influence over humans. Men who had other people killed simply because they did not share their definition of god. By my own ignorance and little trust in myself, I had let them take my powers away. Still, they were responsible for abusing their so-called authority.

Then my thoughts reverted back to my Hecate, my Brenna. Pure hatred animated her being and love was not something she could muster or comprehend at this point in her existence. She had known love and, hopefully, she would again, but for now, it proved to be out of her realm of perception. She knew that hatred no longer had a stronghold on my reality and she loathed me for it. In her world, she had the upper hand, the upper scythe as it were, over me.

I was tiring of playing hide-and-seek with my Hecate, finally realizing that I did not need her to be happy. I could find all of that within myself. My own fears kept me bound to this place but I sensed hope looming on the horizon of my vast prison.

Appearing before me, the three devils quickly thwarted this promise of a better fate for myself. They remarked how pathetic I looked on my pile of skulls.

"Your desire to leave us had been brought to our attention," one of them conveyed to me. What an ugly bunch they were. I had indeed been blinded by theirs and by my own hatred.

"We can see into the future," said another. "You will only experience lives of misery and Brenna will never be yours."

For a brief moment, I thought that no one should belong to somebody else. We were all connected yet individuals. The three devils became agitated. "She will return to the physical plane to continue her work for us, and one day, she will kill you."

Their words lay heavy on my conscience. Somehow I believed them and I felt sad for my paramour of long ago. She deserved to be happy and know love again, she, who had lost her way.

They threatened me, and asked if I remembered the powers they had lavished upon my soul. I reminded them that my travail had more than compensated for their laudable gift and the ample souls for their kingdom of darkness was the proof. With the minute amount of self-confidence I possessed, I told them that I no longer belonged here.

As soon as I uttered those words, my lair and everything in it, including the three devils, shrank away in the distance and was replaced by an extremely bright light. Similar to the blinding iridescence of burning magnesium, an entire wall glowed in front of me and I had to squint to look at it. Out of the brightness a fissure opened and out came an angel with its plumage so white and feathery. Pure love radiated from this being as she held her hand out for me to clasp, and I did so free of fear.

Love. Real love, without misgivings or apprehension. Love without expectations, or favour, or blackmail.

"You have come a long way."

Even her thoughts were imbued with love, so I did not question the notion of distance.

"It is just a figure of speech. Come rest a while, my friend," the angel of Light continued.

I could not deny that I had to correct the errors of my ways during previous lives on the arduous road back to the source.

For now though, I did not want to leave this place. Time did not exist here, and if it did, it was different than for mankind on Earth. Apart from the love, the most interesting feature of this place was the weightlessness. As a grim reaper, when I chose not to materialize, I circulated relatively free from the Earth's gravity. Compared with my new surroundings, however, life on Earth or near the Earth felt incredibly heavy.

The love pervading this plane was something I could definitely endure. I simply floated in this bright cloudy substance and secure with feelings of love and abandonment. I did not want for naught yet there had to be more to existence than sitting on a cloud as religious leaders taught us on Earth, so long ago it seemed. For now, it was my reality and I welcomed the idea of basking in eternal love if only to provide healing and solace to my soul.

At my leisure, images of my past existences popped into my mind, and faced with my actions, I felt shame and guilt. I also sensed pride and love for the kind and selfless actions I had afforded others during numerous lifetimes. And if on many occasions I had laughed at how foolish men who abused their powers on Earth or whom I saw as my enemies, I no longer desired to judge them. I could only surmise my doings.

The angel of Light, who I did not know had left, reappeared in front of me. Without the angel's prompting I was ready to openly reflect on my actions and make amends for them, which to my amazement, was an acknowledgement of my responsibilities as a separate entity. The angel opened the dialogue.

"The Dark and the Light are strong components of your reality at the present, just as I am. On the earth plane, good and evil, right and wrong, and so on, are all elements by which humans try to control others. On the physical plane, there is no light without darkness, and the darkness unfortunately, is interpreted by humans as a negative thing, and all of this strictly based on their fears. It is what they believe or choose to do with darkness that is evil, not the darkness in itself. If one elects to use his personal powers in a negative way, however meaningful his or her intent seems, then it has absolutely nothing to do with the Dark. There is only one law that matters and it is love. A simple rule that mankind has chosen to forego. Hence the suffering. What is at the base of all evil is not darkness, it is fear and not hatred that opposes love, which in the end, always prevails. Hatred is only a seed of fear, just as are any other faults rooted in the hearts of humans. Once we openly accept and give love, fear subsides, and rapidly, we are on our way back to the source. But even among humans, love is such a taboo subject and is rarely discussed. It seems so difficult for men and women to express it, and unfortunately when they do, men and women are so judgemental in their views of others, especially those of different culture, race or religion, that their love becomes false. You cannot profess love toward your friend and turn around and hate your neighbour. As long as humans fear those they perceive as enemies or abuse their own powers and destroys those same enemies, then it all becomes a lie." The angel paused.

"Do you understand?" she asked.

"It is well within the realm of my comprehension here, however down there...is an entirely different matter. I am not convinced that I can abide by this principle." The angel smiled.

"When down there, listen to your heart. The important thing is that you remain open to love. You have suffered much and have caused much suffering, and there is a limit to the healing this place can provide. You recognise that you will have to return on the earth plane and work out some of the entanglements you have created for yourself. The same lessons will keep reappearing until you finally learn, grow and detach yourself. And by having summoned enough courage to be here, you already are on your way. Remember this, there is no such thing as hell. Through your own actions on earth, you can create for yourself a form of hell or heaven. Even this place is erroneously perceived as a purgatory. As well, dark and light exist on the physical plane just as the day gives way to the night. There is such a thing as Dark and Light in the minds of humans only if you believe it."

I had begun to share the angel's sentiments before she conveyed those thoughts. Then, I weakened, and wondered if all this talk about love wasn't another illusion. Yet, it couldn't be. I felt its truth within every particle of my translucent being, something I had never felt in the presence of the three devils. My weakened state, perceived by the angel, reminded me of the work that lay ahead and my journey on the road to reuniting with the universe. Having shed social stances and adopted behaviours, this place offered no charades or lies about one's state. It enabled you to see clearly what you had accomplished and what remained to be done.

The angel comforted me.

"I will leave you now so you may rest by yourself." I thanked her, which was something I rarely did, and she took her leave to another domain of the universe, I supposed. Then I thought about all the people I had been close to and the fears I had projected and absorbed. A dependency on love, insecure and misleading, had built up over time. Much work needed to be done indeed, and it was with renewed optimism that I wanted to tackle the challenge of my impending rebirth on Earth. After all, sitting on a heavenly cloud was rather boring, even if I enjoyed playing the harp.

"Ho!" said the voice invaded my conscience. I opened my ethereal eyes, and a Chief, adorned in a most elegant costume, stood in front of me.

"Who are you?" I inquired, surprised by the presence of this being.

"Your guide, and I am here to help you prepare for your next incarnation." Wisdom radiated from this being and he waited patiently for me to adjust.

"Where is the angel?" I asked, longing for her familiar face.

"Her task with you has been completed and I have offered to take her place. Much remains to be done before your return to the physical plane. Do not be surprised. Guides come in many different forms and can take the appearance of any if not all beings, male or female. Just as a bird or a butterfly can suddenly appear in your life to offer guidance, you can receive such help from flowers, or trees, or even stars. Everything is inter-connected, including the planets, and your physical journey will be influenced by some more than others depending on the moment of your birth. Some beings even choose to gravitate around particular planets to gather their energy, before incarnating. The universe exists in all of us as we exist in all of it. And energy is what everything is. The universe is there to assist us on our journey and our desire to fulfil the destiny we have chosen for ourselves. I appear before you in this form because you have manifested an interest in incarnating in a similar form and in a society populated with humans resembling me, although belonging to different tribes and nations. The land has remained fairly secluded from the presence of other races for thousands of years. Vikings have briefly settled its shore to the North-East and the European explorers are yet to land."

I thought about "Hel", the Norse Goddess of the Underworld, and how I could easily take a liking to her. The Chief patiently paused to allow me this distraction. I suddenly realized my rudeness and that I was still clinging to my old ways, finally vowing to pay attention.

"There is a particular tribe on the west coast of the continent that has adopted, what you would call, evil ways. Since you have decided on balancing you actions for all the souls you have forcibly influenced to the Dark side, your next life will consist of trying to make them understand their transgressive way of living."

I had other choices. I could have returned to my former area of existence on Earth and become a pious monk, in the real sense of the word. Other options were offered but reincarnating as a native appeared to be the most promising way to redress my past deeds. And I was ready for a change of scenery. Somehow, though, the decision to repay my karmic debts was bittersweet and fear started to weigh heavily on me again.

It was easy to envisage a fortunate outcome to my predicament from the guide's perspective but the more I prepared for the life to come, the less pleasant I figured this next incarnation would be.

The Chief encouraged me.

"Just as we struggle to break free from our self-imposed narrow-mindedness, so do we usually travel with known companions, for their evolution is often linked with ours. For your next life, your mother will be the same being you had loved in Egypt and during the crusades, and the medicine woman, who is the sister of your mother, was the Priestess you also knew in Egypt. They are expecting you and have chosen to help you to the extent of their own capabilities. Remember that we all have our limitations and those people also have theirs, and they are indeed afraid."

Azakhia and Isabelle were one and the same, and soon would become my mother. A strange feeling invaded me and I wanted to escape, but where? Back to the three devils? Then the warmth of my guides and this place infused a sense of belief in me and the knowledge that I would succeed. The line of destiny had been traced and my only duty was to attempt to do right by my conscience. I was the only judge of my actions. I had decided to accept my responsibilities and would attempt to lead my life faithfully, and it would be up to each individual within the tribe to do the same.

With revitalized confidence, I primed my soul to enter the womb of my mother who was about to give birth. Before parting, my guide had a few final comments to help me.

"As you lower you vibrations to enter the physical plane, you will again feel the heaviness which we so quickly forget. Do not be alarmed. Simply be aware that it is normal and remain focused on entering the fetus. Your three former "acolytes" may be there to sway you back to the Dark if you remain convinced that they exist. If you feel yourself being drawn by the Dark, try to believe that the Light is a figment of your imagination instead of calling for it. If the Light isn't there, it would only be normal for the Dark not to exist either."

Even if the Angel had mentioned the same concept, I still needed time or space to grapple with the idea. The old guide continued.

"The moment prior to incarnating is a precarious one, one of life and death in the physical sense. Your mother is having a difficult pregnancy, and although everything should proceed as planned, complications may arise where you would not be permitted to enter the fetus. If this happens, concentrate on me and you will find yourself here. There is no such thing as a lost soul, even when the fetus is aborted. Any souls who become lost do so willingly through their fears, and for those, there is always help if they welcome it."

The Chief's instructions were clear and I remained confident if only to have a chance at wiggling my behind at the three devils.

"What if I can't incarnate?" curious as to that possibility.

"Another situation will present itself." The train of thought entering my mind changed tone. "And try not to be too pretentious in the face of the devils, remember, you will be at your most vulnerable. Instead, use that energy positively."

The Chief looked at me in all his benevolence, and with his final words, I concentrated on lowering my vibrations ever more. And the closer my soul was drawn to the foetus, the more distant and diffuse the former plane became and the less I remembered.