To: baby@mss-inc.com

Joy: Now who would send this spam-thing to a baby?

////////////////////////////////////////

Seiko: Lots of little lines!

one time mailing-
no need to remove

Harmony: That's good to 'ear! We certainly don't want any more of this thing.

////////////////////////////////////////

Courage: More little lines.

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION YOU WANT TO KNOW.

Harmony: 'Cause it's "confidential"...

This is the software they want banned from the INTERNET!

I.Q.: Then, what's it doing here?

"The Internet Desktop Spy" shows you how to get the facts on anyone using the Internet.

Courage: Maybe we can find out about Benita.

LOCATE MISSING PERSONS, find lost relatives, obtain addresses and phone numbers of old school friends, even skip trace dead beat spouses. This is not a Private Investigator, but a SOFTWARE program DESIGNED to automatically

I.Q.: As opposed to manually...

CRACK YOUR CASE with links to thousands of Public Record Databases

Courge: The Public, with back-up by the Feds.

Find out SECRETS about your relatives, friends, enemies, and everyone else!

Courge: Sounds like something we could use against Benita.
Joy: And where would we get the money for something like that?
Courage: Good question.

-- even your spouse!

Harmony: What spouse. None of us are married!

With the New - "Internet Desktop SPY"

Seiko: Internet Desktop NINJA

You will be AMAZED at what you can discover:

Courage: I.Q., why is so many of the words in capital letters?
I.Q.: It's for emphasis. Italics can't be used in e-mail.
Courage: Oh...

LICENSE PLATE NUMBER - Get anyone's name and address with just a license plate number! (Find that girl you met in traffic!)

Seiko: Don't even think it, Courage!
Courage: She had a flat tire! I stopped to help. That's all!
Seiko: Sure...

DRIVING RECORD - Get anyone's driving record!

Courage: Yeah. Find out if they're Granny or Speed Racer!

SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER - Trace anyone by social security number!

Harmony: Does Social Security exist in Tranquility Forest?
I.Q.: No...What do we need it for, anyway? Everything we need is in the forest.
Harmony: True...

ADDRESS - Get anyone's address with just a name!

Seiko: No, Couarge. Don't even think it.
Courage: I never even got her name! And even if I did, I'd never cheat on you, love!

UNLISTED PHONE NUMBERS - Get anyone's phone number with just a name- even unlisted numbers!

Joy: That's sneaky!
Harmony: That's the idea, love.
Courage: Sounds a lot like Benita...

LOCATE - Long lost friends, relatives, a past lover who broke your heart!

Courage: That lets us out...

E-MAIL - Send anyone anonymous e-mail that's completely untraceable!

I.Q. (shudders): The criminal possibilities with this thing...

DIRTY SECRETS - Discover dirty secrets your in-laws don't want you to know!

Joy: Good reason to clean all your secrets. (Sees the others looking at her.) What?

INVESTIGATE ANYONE - Use the sources that private investigators use (all on the Internet) secretly!

I.Q.: This person could use some investigating...

EX-SPOUSE - Learn how to get information on an ex-spouse that will help you win in court! (Dig up old skeletons)

Seiko: (Makes gagging sounds while pretending to stick her finger down her throat.)
Couarge (Turns to her, concerned.): Are you all right, love?
Seiko: I'm okay, dearest.
(The two nuzzle each other, paying no attention to the spam.)

CRIMINAL SEARCH - BACKGROUND CHECK - Find out about your daughter's boyfriend! (or her husband)

Harmony: Now that's plain being nosy!

FIND OUT - If you are being investigated!

Harmony: Then again...(Joy cuts him off with a stearn look.)

NEIGHBORS - Learn all about your mysterious neighbors! Find out what they have to hide!

I.Q.: We already know what we need to know about Benita.

PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH - Be astonished by what you'll learn about the people you work with!

Joy: Bugaloos don't have secrets!

EDUCATION VERIFICATION - Did he really graduate college? Find out!

(Coruage and Seiko are kissing, ignoring the spam. Joy, I.Q., and Harmony turn to look at them.)

"The Internet Desktop Spy" will help you discover ANYTHING

Harmony: "Anything"?
I.Q.: No, Harmony. ANYTHING.
Harmony: Oh.

about anyone, with clickable hyperlinks and no typing in Internet addresses! Just download the software and go! You will be shocked and amazed

Joy: I'm 'shocked and amazed' by this spam. More shocked then amazed, really.
I.Q.: I'm 'shocked and amazed' at them! (Cocks his thumb toward Courage and Seiko)
Harmony: I.Q.'s right. (Taps Courage on the shoulder) Wake up, me darlin's! If we 'ave to read this thing, so do you two!
Joy and I.Q.: Right!
(Courage and Seiko stop kissing and return to reading the spam.)

by the secrets that can be discovered about absolutely everyone!

Courage: EVERYONE?
Seiko: No. Everyone.

Find out the secrets they don't want you to know! About others, about yourself!

All: No thanks!

LIMITED TIME OFFER -- ORDER TODAY! ONLY $20 (US)

I.Q.: Bugaloos don't have that much money on us.

You can dowmload

I.Q.: 'dowmload'?
Harmony: Have you ever 'dowmloaded' anything, I.Q.?
I.Q.: No...

the "The Internet DeskTop Spy" software NOW so you can begin discovering all the secrets you ever wanted to know!

Joy: I think we know all we can stand about Benita Bizarre, thank you very much.

You can know EVERYTHING about ANYONE with "The Internet DeskTop Spy" software.

Courage: I have never been this desperate for information, have you?
Others: No...

- Works with all browsers and all versions of AOL
- PC Versions available Only!

Harmony: Meaning...
I.Q.: Meaning...if you got a MacIntosh...
Courage: Forget it!

DON'T WAIT TO GET STARTED… It's as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I.Q.: As pi-squared?

ORDER TODAY - While this software is still legal!

Harmony: This thing's so late, it might be illegal now.

VISA/MC ONLY

Courage: Visa: It's where you want to be.

Harmony: But not Master Card.

STEP 1: Print out the below ORDER FORM

Seiko: Ohhh...we got steps...
Courage (unenthusiastic): Hooo-ray...

STEP 2: Type or Print your order information into the form

I.Q.: No mental projections?

STEP 3: FAX Your order to us.

Harmony: "FAX"?
I.Q.: FAX. A kind of electronic mail, but not e-mail.
Harmony: Oh...

FAX to:415-704-3071

Harmony: There's that FAX again...

(Order with confidence. This is a secure fax area. Only our qualified sales team will have access to your order information)

I.Q.: As opposed to an insecure fax area.
Courage: Maybe it needs a security blanket.

*********************************************************************************

Courage: Wow! Stars!

"The Internet DeskTop Spy" ORDER FORM - PLEASE WRITE CLEARLY

Harmony: As opposed to UNCLEARLY...

Name: ________________________________

I.Q.: I.Q.
Courage: Courage.
Harmony: Harmony.
Joy: Joy.
Seiko: Seiko.

Address: ________________________________

All: Tranquility Forest

City, State, ZIP: ________________________________

All: .......
Courage: Anyone happen to know just where Tranquility Forest is in the world?
Others: No...
Courage: Me niether...

Country: ______________ (International Orders)

Courge: Well, if we don't know where Tranquility Forest is, we sure can't fill this line out, either.

Phone Number: ______________ (In case we can't make out your order)

Harmony: "BUG-ALOO"
Seiko: You know, there's a least three possible numbers for that...
Harmony: True. But I'm gonna let the spammer figure out which one. If 'e can't figure out our phone number with that software 'e's got, then the thing's not worth a penny, not to mention the $20.00 dollars 'e claims it's worth.
I.Q.: Good point, Harmony.
Harmony: Thanks, I.Q.

TOTAL COST OF ORDER IS $20.00

Joy: I doubt if it's worth that much...

ALL ORDERS WILL BE PROCESSED WITHIN 48 HOURS OF RECEIPT

I.Q.: Just long enough for him to skip the country with the money.

METHOD OF PAYMENT – ID Code AXXX

Joy (shocked):....
I.Q.: Don't say anything, Joy. It's almost over.

[ ]Visa [ ]MasterCard

Harmony: There's the credit cards again. Bugaloos don't carry plastic.

Credit Card #: __________________________________

I.Q.: We don't have credit cards. Therefore, no credit card numbers.

Exp Date: _______________

Harmony: This offer 'as already expired.

Signature: ____________________________ (Required)

Courage: We're not ordering, so we don't have to sign!

E-Mail Address: ____________________________ *(VERY IMPORTANT-PRINT CLEARLY!!)

Seiko: We don't have to do this, either.

-NOTES: - This program will not work on Windows 3.11 and older.

Harmony: So, if you 'ave Windows 3.11 or older, you're out of Donald Duck?
I.Q.: Looks that way.
Harmony: That's wot I thought.

- Sorry, Mac versions not yet available.

Courage: Also out of luck if you have a Mac.

- DISCLAIMER - The seller of this powerful software resource will not be held responsible for how the purchaser chooses to use its resources.

Seiko: In other words, once you get this thing, you're on your own.
I.Q.: So it appears.
Joy: Then why buy it?
Courage: We're not. So let's just get out of here.

(They exit the theater.)

Harmony: That 'ad to be the most worthless piece of information anyone can get!
Courage: Yeah. Who'd want something like that?
I.Q: Especially if it's going to be illegal to sell it, soon.

(The Hex Screen lights up. Harmony turns the veiwer on.)

(Jukebox)
Benita: I see you're still in one piece.

(SOL)
I.Q.: Yes. That spam was no big deal.
Courage: Yeah. When are you going to send some real fic? (Seiko's hand flys up to cover his mouth)
Others: Courage! Shhhh...

(Jukebox)
Benita: Oh, you'll get some soon enough. As soon as my flunkies can find some...Well, until next time, kiddies. Toodles! (Hex Screen blacks out.)

(SOL)
(Seiko removes her hand from Courage's mouth. She and the others look at him angerly.)

I.Q.: Nice going, Courage!
Harmony: Yeah, mate. We'll be in a real Tom Mix when she finds a fic for us to read.
Courage (mornfully): I'm sorry. (perking up) But we can get through it, just like we got through this spam. It'll probibly be no worse than this.
Gypsy: I wouldn't bet on that. Fics are usually very long. Jo Ann's got a least one that's 140 pages, plus.
Bugaloos: 140 PAGES!
Gypsy: Yes. Don't worry. You won't have to MiST it. Someone else is MiSTing that fic.
I.Q: Well, good luck to them. I think they'll need it.
Gypsy: Maybe we can get it for you to read after it's been MiSTed. Should be really funny when it's done. Plus, it'll be some good tutoring for you in the art of MiSTing.
Harmony: We'll 'ave to see when we read it, love.
Joy: Right. For now, let's get something to eat. I'm hungry!
I.Q.: You can eat after reading that letter?
Courage: I can! What are we having, Joy?
Joy (smiling, her eyes twinkling): SPAM, of course.

(She goes off to the kitchen as the others moan at the joke. They follow her as the scene fades to black)

Back to MiSTing -- Almost.