Star Trek: Voyager and all it's characters are property of Paramount and Viacom. Rated PG-13.
Author's note: Special (and belated) thanks to Poema for the awesome Beta help.
Dancing Between
the Raindrops
The face in the mirror looks a little older today, but I suppose that’s to be expected. I’m not twenty and carefree, with no worries to weather my features. I’m the captain of a starship, responsible for the lives of over one hundred people. People who are loyal to me, even until their last, dying breaths. It’s a dance some days.
Today we found a planet that was rich in the resources we always need. The crew was jubilant, since we’ve had to dip into the emergency rations as of late. Actually, I make it sound a lot less tough than it really was. Truthfully, we were desperate. Energy reserves were so low, we were afraid that to be attacked, as we would be left adrift in space. Maybe that’s why I didn’t exercise the necessary amount of caution; we deserved this find. So the away teams formed and soon we stepped foot in this paradisiacal planet. The sun was warm and the sound of the wind blowing through the native grasses was a balm to our weary spirits. After a few moments, I opened my eyes and say Chakotay smiling down at me. That may have lifted my mood more than the planet. Of course, I know I shouldn’t be thinking about him in that way, but it’s hard, considering. My relationship with him is just another part of this mad dance. So, he looked at me, I smiled at him, and we pulled out our tricorders and went to work. But the lingering thoughts remained.
The rest of the afternoon was a flurry of activity, as the newly energized away team members surveyed the area and directed the mining and foraging teams.
As the sun began to dim across the eastern plains, I climbed to the crest of a hill to take in some of the last hour of sunshine. I don’t usually allow myself such luxuries, but as I grow older, it seems to be more important. Looking out at the vast emptiness, the land seemed content in its solitude. I wished I could be.
Then Chakotay came walking up the hill, storage container in hand. He asked how I was and if I had eaten. Of course I hadn’t. He opened the container and pulled out a blanket, one from his bed, in fact. “A picnic,” he explained. I suppose I must have smiled then, because he held my gaze a little longer than was proper. Pulling out a plate of some sort of bread-wrapped food, he motioned for me to sit. He told me the wraps were made entirely of food indigenous to South America. Chakotay handed a plate to me, almost deferentially, and I sensed it was important to him that I approve of the meal. His culture was always a vital part of his life, whether as something to guide him or something to rebel against. We ate in silence.
After the meal, we began to talk and continued even after the last dying embers of the sun sank beneath the horizon. He spoke of how a civilization might evolve on a planet like this, with a temperate climate and fertile fields. I talked about the effects the double moons must be having on the large and shallow oceans that crept into vast marshlands. He wondered what it would be to live in a truly primitive culture. I thought aloud how nice it would be to sail these seas. And we talked for a time about the concept of home. We knew we couldn’t stay on this world, but we allowed ourselves to feel tempted for a while. And I was tempted, but not by the prospect of settling down. At that point we were lying next to each other on the blanket, staring up at the stars that were our life. It would have been so easy to roll over and drape myself across his broad chest, but I didn’t. Instead, I worked hard at committing this moment to memory. I’ve always believed we have to remember the good times, as they are the most fleeting. Of course, this was just another step in the dance I do around him and around our feelings.
But even that was not to last.
We heard sounds behind us and flipped over just in time to see energy weapon blasts being exchanged. I called the ship, but they were also under fire. We had to fight this battle ourselves. I immediately stood to charge down the hill, but Chakotay’s strong hand shot up and pulled me down. Pressed up against his body, I wished we could stay here, on the blankets, in each other’s arms. “Captain, we can come up with a better plan than that. Let’s come down the backside of the hill and flank their command position. Agreed?” I nodded, but as he started to stand, I pulled him back to me. His face close to mine, I said, “Let’s not die today, Chakotay.” He looked at me tenderly and said, “I’ll always be here for you, Kathryn.” At that, we descended the hill.
As we came up behind a wooded area, the dance began. The first sign of movement in the dark woods sent us diving for cover. We narrowly avoided becoming vapor and quickly returned fire. Grunts and cries of pain signaled our success. Chakotay and I split up to become two pincers to attack their dropship. I had to stop twice to quiet my breathing as I crept between the trees. I finally reached the unguarded, but well-armored nose of the ship. Shots rang out from the other side and I knew I had to act quickly. Trying to hide the faint beeps, I pressed the buttons that set the phaser to overload and threw it down a jet intake. I crept away, until the resulting explosion gutted their transport. Then I ran. Unarmed and alone, I prayed to a god I didn’t believe in that the reason the shooting stopped was because they were now chasing me.
Stealth abandoned, I tore through the woods, trees exploding behind me. My hair flew away from my ears and I willed myself to become the vision of Hermes that I mused myself to be. I seemed to float above the gnarled roots and fallen logs that would try to cause my death in one careless step.
Then the woods were silent and time slowed as I became aware of the smell of burning flesh. My leg gave way and I sank towards the loamy earth and laughing roots. I cursed myself for the folly of believing I could dance between the lightning bolts. Then the world shimmered blue…
And I was in the transporter room, being hauled off the pad by a crewman. That must have been when I lost consciousness.
The next thing I remember is the doctor asking how I was feeling. I asked if everyone else was all right. They were. All hands accounted for. Then I noticed my hand was being gently held. I turned my head and smiled at Chakotay. He smiled back warmly
“Your leg was hit by a disruptor blast, but I’ve repaired the muscle and tissue damage,” the doctor said. “Don’t worry, you’ll be up and dancing in no time.”
My smile quickly disappeared. I thanked the doctor, and then shakily stood to leave. Looking back, I could see Chakotay’s concern for me played out on his face. I left anyway, because I was free. Free to return to the dance.