The following is supposed to have come from a real newspaper ad.

["Osage County Republican," Burlingame, KS04 Apr 1868, page 1, column 5]

The following we take from a paper published in Ray County, Missouri:

After much reflection I thought it would be wisdom in me to address you a few lines through the Freeman. Ladies, I am a widower, a little turned in the evening of life. I have five children - three boys and two pretty little daughters - living, and two sons in heaven with their mother. I lost my dear wife on the 25th of September, 1862, and since then I have been dragging out the evening of my life as best I could. Now ladies girls - and widows - I offer you an opportunity to quit sleeping with children. I will describe such an one as will suit my fancy. I want a maid or young widow, five feet six inches in height, straight as a gun barrel, small around the waist, full breasted and wide across the hips. She must weigh from 125 to 140 pounds, avordupois. She must have fair skin, black or blue eyes, but am not particular as to the color of hair. The applicants must boast tempting cherry lips, as I am fond of the nectar they distill. Now ladies, mark this: I will entertain no proposition from those who are either knock-kneed, brandy-shanked or pigeon-toed, and positively will have nothing to do with any one who has corns on her toes, for my eyesight not being as good as it was some years ago, I could not see to pare them. The successful candidate for the honors I propose to confer must have heavy muscles, small ancles and pretty little feet. I want a wife with a lap sufficiently long when sitting in a rocking chair to hold two pretty little fat babies, as I am fond of children. The lady of my choice must be healthy, active and strong so that she can jump the rope 140 times to the minute, or kick a dog into the middle of next week.

Now fair maids and widows, I must close my letter for the present, but request as many of you as think you can fill the bill to write to me, and my gay little horse, cock-robin, will make the buggy wheels whirl rapidly around when I start to see you. Neither old maids nor old widows need apply.