| Chapter Twenty-One Kevin knew he’d made a mistake. Not so much a mistake, as he just hadn’t explained himself very well. He knew, had always known that Cassie wasn’t after his money. But the ingrained distrust of people that had been taught to him by a cutthroat business was hard to deny or put aside. And it really wasn’t even that. He had been scared, plain and simple. Scared that Cassie would never return the depth of his feelings, so he had unwittingly fell back on his distrust of people, hoping to at least soften the blow to his heart when she rejected him again. But when her eyes had flashed with hurt and her voice had cracked with tension, he knew beyond a doubt that he was wrong, very, very wrong. He’d tried to back-peddle, to explain his words, but the damage had already been done. And now Cassie was back to avoiding him at all costs. If he entered a room and she was there, she would immediately make up some excuse and leave. If they passed in the hall or on the grounds of the ranch, she would smile politely and move on as if he was no more than a paying guest. The only thing that kept him holding on to his sanity was the fact that even though he’d hurt her, he’d seen the way she really felt about him in the back of her eyes. It gave him hope. And at this point, hope was all he had. He leaned his head back against the couch in the meeting room and sighed softly. He was worn out emotionally and it was dragging him down physically. He needed a diversion from his worries. As that thought crossed his mind, he spied a catalogue lying on the coffee table before him and he smiled. He took a quick look around to make sure no one saw him and reached for the catalogue. He quickly flipped through the pages, noting the items that had been circled in red and the items that had been circled in blue. He noticed the notation at the top of the page. It was a legend of sorts. Red for things she had, blue for things she wanted. Cassie may not want to accept money from Kevin, but the fact was, the baby she was carrying was just as much his as it was hers. And if he, being the father wanted to buy some things for his child, who was going to stop him? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Later that afternoon I was sitting on the window seat in my room thinking about everything that had happened in my life over the last nine months when I noticed that Kevin was getting into his car and leaving the ranch. I sighed in relief and then felt immediately guilty. My emotions were constantly see-sawing back and forth and I never knew from one moment to the next how I was going to feel about him. One moment, I’d smile thinking about time spent with him and then the next I’d frown remembering his long silence or his insensitive words the day of my doctor’s appointment. Things had to be straightened out and soon. Not just for my sake, but Kevin’s and our child’s as well. My dream had always been to raise my child in an environment filled with love and security, and with the way things were going between Kevin and myself, we were as far away from love and security as any two people could possibly be. My parents had had a loving marriage. There was nothing they couldn’t overcome when standing next to each other. They had been an united front against the world and all the problems that life threw at them. It wasn’t that they never argued, they disagreed on certain things and on an occasion or two they had really let loose and let each other have it. But they felt safe because underneath whatever it was that was bothering them at the moment, they knew that they loved each other. And my sister’s and I knew we were loved. We witnessed the awesome love my parents shared and for as long as I could remember, that was what I wanted in a marriage. I wanted what they had, not just for myself, but for any children I would have. Kevin’s and my child was innocent was the problems between him and I. And I knew that Kevin felt the same, about our child’s innocence, what we’d envisioned our eventual marriages to be like. Honestly, we couldn’t have been more alike in those things if we’d tried. So where had it all gone wrong? Why couldn’t we sit down and talk about our situation like two mature adults? Why couldn’t I admit to him that I loved him and wanted nothing more than to say yes to his proposal? I had a lot to think about and not a whole lot of time to come to a decision. Our child was due in less than three weeks, and before that time I desperately wanted everything settled; one way or the other. CCC Index Chapter Twenty-Two Main Page |