Chapter Two   The following day Carissa and Beth managed to set the downstairs to rights. It looked bare and they both laughed, at the sparseness of the room. "Tomorrow, we shop!" Beth declared. They had just enough time to get cleaned up before their dinner guests arrived.   "I got it" Beth called from the hall as the doorbell rang. "Hi come on in." Howard and John entered, each carrying something.   Howard held up a bottle of wine, "I didn't know if either of you drank, but I brought it anyway" he said with a smile. "And I brought dessert" John said as he followed Beth into the kitchen.   "You didn't have to bring anything, but thank you" Carissa said, when she noticed their packages. "I'll be right back" she said as she went out on the deck to get the meat off the grill.    "Hope you like steak, and baked potatos, I never thought to ask yesterday, so..." Carissa said with a small sheepish shrug as she came back in.   They sat down and began to serve themselves from the platters of food on the table. They talked quietly, while they ate. The women asking questions about the area and the two men answering them.   "How is it that you came to live here in sunny Orlando?" John asked.   "I got a job at a management company, that was to good to pass up, so I moved from Cincinnati." "What about you?" Howard asked Beth.   "I applied on a whim to the same company, not really expecting to get hired on, and as luck would have it, they hired me, so here I am."   When they were finished with dinner, Carissa excused herself and began to clear away the supper dishes. Howie followed her to the kitchen with his hands full. "You can set them right there" Carissa said with a tilt of her chin to the counter. Howie put the dirty dishes down and helped get plates and forks together for dessert.   "Do you think you'll like it here?" he asked, as he counted out the correct number of forks.   "Yeah, I believe I will. This change is exactly what Matti and I need." The look in her eyes was hopeful, but Howie also detected a hint of something else. Wondering about it he said, "You don't look to sure." Carissa smiled and answered, "Oh I'm very sure."   They took the dessert into the dinning room, and slowly ate while they continued talking.   At eight o'clock Carissa took Matti up to bed, leaving the monitor downstairs on the table.   "Alright Ms. M its bed time" Carissa said as she entered her daughters room. She talked quietly to Matti as she changed her diaper and put on her pajamas. "Do you want mommy to rock you for a minute?" she asked as she sat in the rocker.   As she began to rock, she sang softly to Matti.      But my love is all I have to give, without you I don't think I can live, I wish I could give the world to you...but Love is all I have to give....to you.      Carissa looked down and found Matti sleeping peacefully in her arms. She laid her down and covered her with a small blanket. "Love you sweetie" she whispered as she let herself out of the room.   Howie and John sat in silence after Carissa had stopped singing. The monitor had been left on and they had heard it all. "She's good" John said. "She is. I just wonder why neither one of them let on they knew who I am?" he asked.    "Sorry for keeping you" Carissa said as she decended the stairs.   "That's not a problem. Actually we enjoyed the serenade" John joked. Carissa blushed and looked for the monitor. It was right where she'd left it, and it was on. Her face burned with mortification, as she realized they had heard her singing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you, but I really enjoyed listening to you" John said.   'Oh no' she thought, 'I bet he's wondering why we never said anything about who he was'. She forced a small smile and replied, "Thank you."     She looked around for Beth, and Howie volunteered, "She's in the kitchen."   "Oh Okay!" she said, still uneasy as to how she was going to explain.   "Did you get the mighty Miss M down for the night?" Beth asked as she returned from loading the dishwasher.    "Yeah, I sang her favorite song and she was out like a light" Carissa answered.   Beth noticed the tension in the room and wondered about it. The evening had gone so well and she couldn't think of a thing that would make the tension rise. Then what Carissa had said about singing Matti's favorite song came to mind. She glanced at Howie and found him staring at the floor.     Being her usually blunt self Beth asked, "I guess you're wondering why we didn't say anything about knowing who you are." Howie's head shot up and he looked straight at Beth before nodding.   Beth looked at Carissa and Carissa began, "We really didn't think it was a big thing. Plus you used you're full name when you introduced yourself yesterday. I assumed you did that to throw us off."   "But really Howard, those locks of your's gives you away" Beth said, trying to lighten the moment.   "So it doesn't bother you?"   "Bother us? Why would your occupation bother us?" Beth asked confused.   "I think what he means, is does it make you see him differently?" John spoke up. "Lord no! You were a real gentleman yesterday, offering us your help and welcoming us to the neighborhood. The way we see you wouldn't change if you were the president of the United States" Beth answered honestly. Howie smiled and relaxed. "I'm sorry I reacted that way. Its just I have to be careful. I never know when someone's being deceitful, just trying to get close to who they think I am."    Carissa smirked and spoke up, "Well if it makes you feel any better, I screamed and danced a jig yesterday after you left. After all, we are fans!" Howie blushed and John laughed heartily.   They sat and visited for another hour before the guys decided it was time to leave. "Thanks for having us over" John said as he hugged Beth and then turned to Carissa and pulled her to him. Carissa stiffened in his arms, but John said nothing as he released her.   "We'll have to get together again. I really had a nice time tonight" Howie said as he too hugged Beth and Carissa. Once again, Carissa stiffened. Howie thought maybe it had to do with their conversation about his carreer and shrugged it off.   "See ya later" Beth called as she watched them cross the parking lot. She closed the screen door and returned to the living room. She found Carissa sitting on the couch in a tight little ball, shaking uncontrolably. "Oh 'Ris" she said as she sat down next to her friend and pulled her into her arms. Carissa let go of her tears and cried. A few minutes later she sat up and dried her tears. "When am I going to get over this? Its been eightteen months Beth and I still can't get near a guy physically without going to pieces." "Sweetie, it just takes time. The fact that you invited them over and spent the evening enjoying yourself says alot. Not to mention you actually returned the hugs" Beth encouraged her.   "Things will never be the same Beth. I can't let myself get close to a man. I'm too afraid that he'll do to me what Chris did" she said as she made her way out of the room and up the stairs.   "I'm sorry. I knocked but no one answered. I forgot to give you two directions to furniture store earlier" Howie said quietly. "Thanks. We'll need these tomorrow" she said as she reached for the paper in his hands. "How...How much of that did you hear?" she asked timidly. "Enough to know that someone hurt her very badly" he answered, wishing for just one moment with who ever it was. "If you only knew" she whispered.   "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, on one hand curious and on the other he really wanted to erase the sadness from Beth's eyes.   "She'd kill me, but yeah I really do need to talk about this." "Let's go for a walk" he suggested. Beth nodded and wrote Carissa a quick note and left the condo. "I don't even know where to begin" she started as they walked around the property.   "The begining is usually the best place" he said lightly. Beth cracked a smile, thankful for his understanding.              "Eightteen months ago, Carissa was a junior in college. She had everything going for her. Super grades, a job, friends and family. Then all that changed. One of her profs teamed her up with a guy in her class to work on a project. They'd been working on it for a week or so, and she didn't think anything about asking him over to complete it. He'd been over before. He started coming onto her that night, she kept telling him no. I guess it made him mad, because he attacked her. I've never seen her fight like that, but that night she fought for all she was worth. She bit him, scratched him, hit him, she even tried to kick him, the whole time she was screaming for him to stop, to get off of her. Little good it did her. I found her lying on the couch in a daze. She was bruised and bloody from where he had hit her and her clothes were torn."    "You sound like you saw it all happen, but you just said you found her like that" he stated confused.   "There had been a rash of break ins around the area we lived in so we had installed a surviellence camera, just to be safe. The whole thing was caught on tape. The DA used it at the trial, the whole room saw what she went through, including her."    "Dios!" he exclaimed heatedly.    "But that's not all of it. Matti is the result of that night" she told him matter of factly. Howie stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and just stared up at the stars.   "Why did she keep the baby?" he asked softly.    "Her exact words were, 'Its not the baby's fault how it was conceived.' And I'll tell you this much, she's never regretted her choice either. I think having Matti makes it easier on her. She doesn't look at Matti as a product of her rape. She looks at her child and sees innocence and unconditional love."