Chapter Four A few days later Howie stood at the window looking down on the city when Brian came in.    "Hey D, what's up?" he asked as he took a seat at the table. They were waiting for Nick and AJ to come back from getting lunch.    "Oh hey Brian" he said distractedly.    Brian sighed, knowing that there was something heavy weighing on his friends mind. "Want to talk about it?" he asked. Howie turned from the window and sat at the table.   "What do you think of Carissa and Beth?" he asked.   "I think they're great! They're laid back enough to enjoy working with us, but serious enough to make things work. Can I ask you a question Howie?"    "Ask away." "What do you know about Carissa?"   "What do you mean Rok?" Howie asked as his mind centered on just what he knew about Carissa and her circumstances.    "Well she seemed happy enough, but there was this look of sadness, no that's not right. It was more like fear in her eyes. Even after being here with us for two hours, her eyes still held that look of fear" Brian stated helplessly.    Howie sighed and cleared his throat. "Rok, I do know what put that look in her eyes, but I don't think its my place to say anything. Suffice it to say that she's not had it easy the last eightteen months, and she's still dealing with it."    "Wow! Must be something big if its gone on that long. D, do you think she'll go out to dinner with me? I really want to get to know her better. She's just, I don't know, she's awesome. I mean tell me who else could finish college with those kind of grades and keep up with a baby, not to mention she is sooo fine" he drawled, letting his Kentucky accent come to the fore.    "B, Oh man. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but, well" he stopped and thought about the consequences and decided to tell Brian anyways. When he was finished, Brian had tears in his eyes and his hands were tightly clenched into fist. "So I don't know that she'll even let you get close to her. She's still dealing with everything. Beth said Carissa thinks she'll never get over this" Howie finished.    "God to be so young and faced with so much. She really is amazing" Brian said as he wiped the tears from his eyes.     "Rok, you can't tell anyone that I told you. Beth trusted me and the only reason I told you was because you seem really interested in her."   "Don't worry D, I won't say anything" Brian assured him as Nick and AJ came in with lunch and Kevin followed them in.                                                             ~~~****~~~     "Hey 'Rissa how's it going?" Beth asked as she poked her head into Carissa's office.     "Just putting the final touches on the press release for tomorrow. Are you hungry?" she asked as she shut down her computer.    "Yeah! Let's head to McDonald's" Beth said.    "Okay. You mind if I take Matti with us?" Carissa asked. Beth shook her head no, and Carissa went to get Matti.    Beth knew Carissa was having a really hard time being away from Matti. Carissa's parents had kept Matti while Carissa was in school and when she worked.    "Okay we're ready, aren't we Miss M?" Carissa asked her daughter. Matti gurgled in response and they headed out.    "So what do you think about working for the guys?" Beth asked as they sat down to eat.   "Its great! There's alot of work that I have to keep up with, but its fun" Carissa said happily. "You know I was thinking about having a get together this weekend, you know invite the guys, get to know them away from the office. It might make it easier to get to know them, especially since the tour will be coming up in a few months. The last thing we need is to be uneasy with them when we're on the road" Beth said as she watched her friends expressions carefully.            Carissa nodded her head thoughtfully before giving her answer, "You're right. Set it up and I'll cook." Beth smiled and they finished their lunch.                                                           ~~~****~~~    "Hey Carissa, what'cha doing?" Brian asked from her doorway a few days later.   Carissa looked up and smiled, "Just going over the press reports from the press release the other day" she answered as he took a seat in front of her desk. "What brings you by?"    "Well I wanted to know if I or the rest of the guys should bring anything for the cook out tomorrow" he informed her, noticing that the look of fear was still in her eyes.   "Just yourselves" she said smiling.     He was almost convinced that for a second there that the look of fear left her eyes, but he couldn't be sure because the look was back again just as quickly.    "Can I ask you something?"    Carissa looked at him for a minute, studying him before she nodded.    "My moms birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to get her, would you go with me and help me pick out her present?"      Carissa's mind screamed at her to say no- politely, but her heart yelled just as loud, yes, say yes.    For once since her rape, she listened to her heart. "I'd love to help" she said with a smile.         "Great! How about Sunday after I get back from church?"   "Sounds good."    "Well I guess I better let you get back to work, I'll see you tomorrow." He stood and walked to the door. He turned back and said, "Bring Matti with you, I'd like to get to know her better, besides I'm great with kids- ask anyone!!" With that he left her alone in her office.     Her mind screamed at her, 'Are you stupid? Setting yourself up for a huge fall aren't you?" And her heart answered back, 'It's time to let it go. Time to move on and begin to live again. Just go with the flow.' Carissa sighed and resigned herself to a shopping excursion with Brian on Sunday.