Chapter Six      The next morning Carissa was up and ready when Brian knocked on the door. "Hi" she greeted him shyly. "Hi yourself. Are you and Miss M ready?" he asked using Beth's nickname for her daughter.   "Yep, I just need to get her stroller and put it in the trunk." "Let me do that for you" Brian said. Since she had her hands full with Matti, the carseat and the diaper bag she relented gracefully. "Thanks. See ya later Beth" she called. "Have fun!" Beth's voice came from somewhere in the house.    Brian put the stroller in the trunk and then he held Matti while Carissa buckled the carseat into the car. "Okay Miss M into the seat you go" she said taking Matti from Brian. She climbed into the front seat after she got Matti settled. "I hope the mall is okay. I have no idea what to get her and I figured the more stores the better."   "The mall is fine. I'm sure we'll find something" she assured him as he backed out of the parking space.     They had been at the mall for over an hour and Brian still hadn't found anything to his liking. "Hey Brian what about this?" Carissa asked as she looked in a jewlers window. There in the display was family jewlery. Each piece had the birthstones of the mother's children. "Oh I like that. She doesn't have anything like that" Brian said excitedly as he pushed Matti's stroller into the store, urging Carissa to hurry up. She chuckled and followed him in. Brian was already talking to a sales associate, telling her exactly what he wanted. While the sales person wrote up the sale, Carissa absently looked at the jewlery case she was standing next to. "There you go Mr. Littrell. You order will be in on Tuesday" she said as she handed him the reciept. "Thank you" he replied as he turned to Carissa. "Ready?" "Yep" she answered and followed him out of the store.    "Let's get something to eat" he suggested. Carissa agreed and they headed for the food court. After they had got their food they found a table and sat down. Brian watched as she fixed a bottle for Matti and then as she ignored her food to feed Matti some nasty green looking stuff from a jar. "Poor kid! She probably can't wait to start eating real food" he said as he took a bite out of his burger. Carissa laughed and waved a spoon full of mashed peas under his nose. "Ugh! Those things stink too!" Matti laughed at his facial expression and ate the rest of her peas. When she was settled back with her bottle, Carissa dug into her salad.    "You're amazing" he said softly. Carissa's eyes flew up to meet his, praying that he wouldn't bring up last night. Instead he said, "I mean you take such good care of her. She's lucky to have you." Carissa relaxed and took another bite, but something in his eyes left her unsettled.  When she was finished she took Matti to the bathroom to change her while Brian threw their trash away.     "Would you mind if I bought Matti a little something?" he asked when she returned. "No I guess not" she answered. "Great! C'mon, I know just the place" he said as he took her hand and pulled her along with him while he once again pushed the stroller.    Carissa was uncomfortable at first. But she reminded herself it was just Brian and let it go. "Here we are" he said as he ushered them into the Disney Store. He went straight towards the plush mountain in the back and began looking over the stuffed characters there. "AH-HA!" he exclaimed as he held up a small Flounder triumphantly. He knelt down in front of Matti and held it out to her. Her chubby hands reached for the toy and she clutched it to her. He looked up and smiled at Carissa and then headed towards the check out with Matti.    Matti snuggled up with her new toy and promptly fell asleep as they left the store. "Thank you" she said as she looked down on her daughter.   "Your welcome." Once again the look in his eyes left her unsettled. It was almost like he knew. Just as her mind completed that thought, her eyes widened and flew to his. "You know, don't you?" she asked in a deathly quiet voice. "Carissa, come on. Let's go to the car and we'll talk." Carissa followed him out to the car, her body and mind numb. How? How could he know? she asked herself over and over again. She stood off to the side and waited while he buckled Matti into her seat. He quickly stowed the stroller in the trunk as she slid into her seat.    He slid into his side of the car and sat silently, trying to find the right words. "Carissa?" he called softly. She turned her head and looked at him, waiting for an explaination. "How?" was all that she said.      Brian took a deep breath and let it out. "Beth told Howie and Howie told me." Carissa shook her head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening to her. She finally decides to try living again and the one guy she never wanted to know, knew.   "Why did Howie tell you?" she asked, she just had to know.   "Because I asked him what he knew about you. He wasn't going to tell me at first, but when I told him I was going to ask you to dinner, he told me. He just wanted me to be cautious, not to push you" his voice trailed off.     'Great, this just gets better and better' she thought sarcastically. "Brian, why did you ask me to come with you today?" "I really wanted some time to get to know you better one on one" he answered, wondering where this was going.   "So you didn't ask me out as pity?"   Brian sighed sharply and answered, "No Carissa. I asked you to go with me today, because I really like you...alot. I have since the day we met. I just thought if I kept it laid back you wouldn't be so afraid" he admited honestly.    "It doesn't bother you, my being raped?" she choked out.   "Yes it bother's me" he nearly shouted. Carissa's heart sank. "I'd like to get my hands on the scum that did it and beat him senseless." Carissa's heart soared. Maybe, no she couldn't let herself hope for that. "But none of that changes how I feel about or think about you" he stated quietly.  If Carissa's heart had wings it would have flown out of her chest, it was beating that hard. She turned to look at him, and saw the truth of what he was saying in his blue eyes. Timidly she smiled at him and he smiled back.    "Just give it a chance 'Rissa" he pleaded softly with her. "Oh Brian, I don't know. There's so much about it that you don't know, so much that even Beth doesn't know..." He cut her off mid-sentence by saying "Tell me." She swallowed hard, forcing the lump that had risen in her throat down. "I.. Oh jeez! I was a virgin Brian. I had never been with a man before that, had never wanted to. I wanted my first time making love to be special, to be with the man I loved, the man I married. He stole all that from me. I'm damaged goods now" she sobbed. Brian reached across the seat and pulled her into his arms. "Shh. No you're not. You didn't give yourself to him honey. And that sure wasn't making love, it was violence. Yes, he stole something precious from you. But you still have your love to give. I've seen it with Matti, there is so much love in you just dying to break out. Let it sweetie." Carissa's sobs slowly turned to sniffles as what he said sunk through. "Let me be there for you" he begged in a whisper. Carissa sat up and looked at him. "I know it won't be easy 'Rissa, but we'll work it out." Carissa's heart and mind were once again going head to head. 'Don't be stupid girl. He'll only hurt you in the end' her head stated. 'No he won't. Look in his eyes, he's sincere, trust him' her heart demanded. For the second time in less than a week she found herself listening to her heart. Not able to find her voice she nodded her head. Brian smiled and slowly moved closer to her, giving her plenty of time to pull away. When she didn't he softly brushed his lips across hers. At first she was shocked, and she tensed up. But then she remembered who she was with and relaxed letting herself return the kiss. He pulled away from her and smiled. "Let's get you home" he said. He started the car and within minutes they were on the road back to her place.