Chapter Nineteen       Nick had insisted that that night’s concert go on as scheduled. He didn’t want to disappoint the fans. The guys agreed to cover his parts and explained that he wasn’t able to make the performance but that he wanted them to know that he was sorry he missed seeing them.    The following day, the guys, minus Nick held a press conference and announced that Nick wouldn’t be performing at the next three shows due to circumstances out of his control. Nick hated disappointing all those fans, but he would traumatize the younger ones with the way his face looked. His nose was still swollen and so was his lip and true to the medics word, his face was a rainbow of colors. No amount of make up would cover that amount of bruising and he knew he wouldn’t be able to sit still while their make-up artist applied the cover up. Just the brush of the wind made his face ache.    Heidi stayed as close to Nick as possible without completely smothering him. There were nights she’d wake up from that nightmare, sweating and shaking. And she’d have to reach out and make sure Nick was really beside her. She also knew the time was coming for her to move on. She wanted to stay with Nick more than anything, but he’d never asked and she couldn’t bring herself to broach the subject.       On the night of the fourth concert, Nick was sitting next to Heidi backstage, waiting to go on stage. “I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered as he turned her head towards him and kissed her tenderly. “Me too,” she answered as she pulled back, breaking the kiss.   The ten-minute stage call was given and the group moved as one into the circle. Before their chant, Brian said a quick prayer, thanking God for his goodness and the protection he’d given them and for letting Nick heal enough to go on stage.    The guys moved into position, climbing up on the risers and Nick blew Heidi a kiss. She reached her hand out and caught a hold of it and pressed her hand to her mouth. AJ made a gagging noise and Brian elbowed him. Heidi laughed and watched as the risers were lifted to above stage level.      She waited backstage for the concert to end, listening to the music and watching from the split in the curtain. Her eyes were repeatedly drawn to Nick as he entertained the crowd. Oh how she wished he’d ask her to stay, to tell her that he loved her. She hadn’t heard those words in three days and she was beginning to think that maybe he hadn’t felt the same things she did.    As the concert ended the guys ran off the stage and rushed past her to go change. She was unaware of the tears that flowed down her face until Nick came off the stage and stopped in front of her. His hand reached up and with his thumb wiped away the moisture. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Heidi just shook her head and moved away from him. Knowing something was wrong, but feeling hurt and rejected, Nick walked away.       Heidi dried her tears and walked through the corridor to wait at the exit by the buses. She wanted to talk to Nick, but she didn’t want to pressure him into anything. She wanted him to want her as much as she wanted him. She wanted him to be the one to bring up that subject. She needed to know that their future was important to him.     Hearing the guys coming down the hall, she forced a smile to her face and turned to greet them. “You all were wonderful as usual,” she said as they walked out to the buses. They joked around as they settled in, storing their duffle bags and backpacks in their bunks.    To keyed up to sleep, the guys gathered around the TV to watch a show and Heidi couldn’t help but wish they’d all go to bed. She wanted time alone with Nick, wanted to give him the opportunity to say the words she longed to hear. She could go on and accept another job if she knew that he loved her. If she knew that he would be there when she was done. Feeling depressed, she excused herself and crawled into her bunk, burying her head in her pillow to hide her tears.    Nick watched her leave and a heavy weight settled in the region of his heart. Heidi had been so down the last few days, and nothing he said or did had changed that. He wanted to hold her in his arms, but the fear of rejection kept him seated.       Brian watched the play of emotions cross his friends face and he nudged him with his foot, nodding his head to the back of the bus. Nick smiled. Brian knew him so well. He stood and said good night and made his way back to the bunks. Heidi’s curtain was closed, but that wasn’t going to stop Nick. He pulled it back and crawled in behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him.    “I want you to tell me what’s wrong,” he stated as he nuzzled the nape of her neck. “Nothings wrong Nick,” she replied. “I’m just tired, that’s all.” “Heidi, please tell me. I can’t stand to see you so sad.”    She rolled over to face him and asked, “Does it hurt that much?” Nick’s face registered shock. “Of course it does. I love you, when you’re hurting, I hurt,” he said as he stared into her eyes.    “Then why didn’t you say so?” she asked, the tears pouring down her face. “What are you talking about?” he asked in confusion. “That’s the first time in three, almost four days, you’ve said those words to me. I wasn’t sure if you still felt that way.”   “Oh Heidi, I will always love you. Always.” He pulled her closer and pushed her head down on his shoulder, holding her tightly. He held her as she cried, and continued to hold her long after she fell asleep.    He looked down at her and wished there was some way she could stay with him, but he knew how important her job was to her and he didn’t want to ask her to choose. He was afraid that she’d choose her job over him and he wasn’t sure his heart could handle that. SNC Index Chapter Twenty Main Page