| My Last 4 Years. |
| Wow! I have been through alot, many good and also many sad. First of I finally met a great guy, but we split many times, as he is selfish, self centered and certain things will always be more important. If he could look past HIM he would see the hurt and anger he has caused. Usually when we got back togethered he would change for awhile, then fall back into his patterns. (Don't get me wrong I am not perfect). But the ups and downs are hard on kids also. I guess I am a sucker as I can look past his bad points and see the good in him too. In away I am glad I had the time with him, but also sad as I hate trying to start all over again. |
| One of my Brothers, finally got married in November of 2003, to a great girl Christine. Then on 26th August 2004 I finally became an Aunt. That was one of the best days for me. I had waited many years to be an Aunty. Another girl in the family. |
| I myself found out I was pregnant in June 2004, and was so looking forward to it. Found out I was having a little boy. My youngest Ashleigh and I were doing it all by ourselves. Yes I was on my own. I found out my little man had heart problems, and they couldn't guarantee anything. He had two holes in his heart and they were worried about the left side as it was smaller then the right. I also suffered severe reflux, so therefore couldn't lay to sleep, swelling, diabeties and the hot Queensland summer was also hell. When I went for a check up at 35 weeks, his little heart had stopped beating. He was born on 21 January 2005. He was the little boy I always wanted. I named him Zaquaree Taylor. |
| I coped for awhile after loosing him, as his Father and I got back together and I was more concerned for my girls and him. Yet again he lasted 5 months and walked out. Now I find each day very lonely and sad. I looked forward to raising another baby, with or without his help. When he stayed with me I got into routine of looking after him more so, then my girls, as they are usually at school, work or out. That kept me occupied. Then I just had the loneliness again, as I feel I have nothing. I won't stop Ashleigh from having her life as that is what the teenage years are about. But it can be very lonely. |
| At the moment I am doing a bar course to fill the loneliness and to hopefully help me get a job. I hate the emptiness I feel after loosing Zaq. The emptiness and lose you feel from loosing a child is something you can't explain. Nothing really can compensate that, and it is something I will have to live with forever. I know I could never replace him, but I could replace the loneliness. But I feel I am getting to old now, and it is very hard to fill it when there is no one special in your life. |