-beyond insanity-
Authors: Evil Willow
(evlwillow77@aol.com)
Rating: NC17
Pairings: Willow/Xander,
Willow/Puppy, Puppy/Cordelia, Xander/Angelus, Xander/Angelus/Willow
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss runs the
show, even if he doesn't do it well. No copyright infringement intended, blah,
blah, blah...
Distribution: Ask.
Summary: The Wish
Author's notes: Alternating Xander and Puppy POV
=========================================================================
***********
Part Five
It's been a few hours and I've almost healed. I look
up as Willow and Xander
return. Shit, aren't they tired of tormenting me yet?
This time they have
someone with them. A human. A living, human girl. She
appears to be about
eighteen, at the oldest. She has shoulder length brown
hair, brown eyes, and a
light blue dress that highlights her figure. She's
pretty enough but she's also
scared out of her wits.
Seeing her makes me remember, now, why I'm here. I
have a soul; I was cursed
with it. I came to Sunnydale to help people, try to
make up for what I did. But
when the Master took over Sunnydale, the clan captured
me. He and the rest of
his them tried to make me feed from living people all
the time, at first. They
wanted me to be *him* again. But I couldn't do it. I
wouldn't. I didn't feed
from any of the living humans they brought me. Even
when the clan members would
beat me and torture me, I still refused. So,
eventually, they got bored. They
stopped trying to make it happen and contented
themselves with bringing me rats,
instead. They thought it was amusing and I didn't
care, as eating rats was
something I didn't have a moral objection to.
I thought they understood by now that I'd rather
starve, than kill a living
person. I won't do this. I won't kill this girl.
"Puppy," Willow frowns. "Aren't you
going to thank me for bringing you dinner?"
"Puppy?" The girl speaks up. "Who the
hell is Puppy? Him? That's not a puppy,
that's just Angel," she says. She looks at me and
says, "Okay, if you're holding
Angel captive, we *really* need Buffy in this
world!!"
Angel. That's right, that's the name I took after I
was cursed. I was beginning
to think I'd never remember it again. And Buffy...
that name sounds familiar,
too.
Xander opens the door to my cage and shoves the girl
inside. He and Willow
follow. "Xander, stop pushing!" The girl
screams.
"Cordelia would you PLEASE shut up?!" Xander
yells and morphs into his demon
face.
To her credit and my amazement, she doesn't even
flinch, "No, I most definitely
will NOT!" She yells back. "You wanna kill
me? Come on, try it," she challenges.
"I know a few things about slaying
vampires."
Willow pouts. "It's more fun when they're
screaming and running." She walks over
to Xander and runs her hand over his chest as she
sidles up to him. "But I guess
watching Puppy play might be kinda fun, too" she
shrugs.
"'Watching puppy play'?" The girl...
Cordelia... looks back at me, confused.
"Play what? 'Pick up sticks' with the
matches?" She points at the burned up
matches on the floor, from Willow's last
play-session.
"Puppy..." Willow walks over to me. I scoot
back against the wall, trying to
keep distance between us. "You WILL play with
Cordelia."
I shake my head, "No."
"XANDER!" Willow wails. "Puppy won't
play!"
"Shhhh," Xander walks up behind her and
wraps his arms around her waist, kissing
her on the neck. "It's okay, Baby," he says.
"I'll make Puppy play nice, don't
worry." He spins her around in his arms and
kisses her deeply, making her
whimper and rub against him.
"EEEEEEEEW!" Cordelia yells. "Will you
two quit playing tonsil-hockey around me?
God, isn't it enough that I took a metal pipe through
my stomach because you
cheated on me, Xander Harris?"
They break apart and Xander looks at me, ignoring
Cordelia. "He'll play or I'll
make him scream." He grins when I press myself
even closer to the wall. He turns
to Cordelia and says, "As for you... Are you sure
you didn't hit your head,
recently? Because you and I were *never* involved. I
had a crush on you, but
then I got turned. After a few months, I chose Willow
to be mine. And, the rest
is history."
He looks over at me. "I'll use small words so
you'll be sure to understand. You
said you were hungry, so there's dinner," he
points at Cordelia.
"Okay, wait just a second," Cordelia says.
"I'm a little slow today. Dinner.
Shit, you want him to drink my blood???" She
looks over at me, nervously.
"Angel, you're still good in this reality, aren't
you??" I nod and she sighs
with relief. "Thank God."
"You'd better get OVER your delusions of
goodness," Xander growls as he
approaches me. "Drain her. That's not a request,
it's an order." He smirks and
adds, "Do it, or you'll get to watch *me* do
it."
"Ooh," Willow grins. "I'd like watching
*you* play, Xander."
I can't believe they expect me to do this. And I don't
know what to do. I don't
want to watch Xander torture and kill this human,
Cordelia. But how can *I* hurt
her? She seems to know who I am... she said something
about 'this reality'...
Maybe that means she knows me in a different world? So
maybe she lives in a
parallel reality, a Sunnydale where things are
different. A Sunnydale where she
trusts me?
As if to answer my questions, she moves closer to me,
seeking protection from
Xander and Willow. All I have to do is look at her
face and see how afraid she
is of them, to decide that I *will* protect her. I'll
die doing it, if need be,
but I won't be the one to kill her.
I stand between her and Xander. "Back off or I'll
tear you to pieces," I
threaten.
Xander growls. "Don't be stupid, Puppy. I was sired
by the Master. I'm a very
powerful vampire. Willow is too, since she's my childe
*and* a witch. Now, as
for you, you won't last five seconds against me if I
wanted to kill you. We keep
you underfed and let Willow play with you for a
reason."
"'Play with you'?" Cordelia questions.
I sigh. She does deserve to know that what he says is
probably true. So I shrug
my shirt off and turn to look at her. She's horrified
by what she sees.
"This is so not the way that stupid wish was
supposed to go!" she wails and
bursts into tears. "I just wanna go home!"
she adds, slumping to the floor.
Xander and Willow laugh, cruelly. I keep my attention
trained on them; ready to
spring at the first sign that either one is going to
attack Cordelia. A door
open upstairs, and I've never been so happy to hear
the voice of one of the clan
members, as he calls for Willow and Xander. They
leave, grumbling.
So, we've gotten a short reprieve.
***********
Part Six
I crouch down in front of the sobbing girl and reach
out to her, hesitantly. I
haven't touched anyone, except Willow, in so long. I
take one of her hands and
she looks up at me with her tear stained face.
"Please don't cry," I say. "I
won't let them hurt you." She doesn't seem to
want me to let go of her hand, so
I don't. Her skin is so soft, so warm.
She wipes her tears away with her free hand and tries
to smile at me. I feel the
warmth of the smile wash over me. I like the feeling;
I haven't felt anything
but the cold in a very long time. "I believe
you," she says. "I can't tell you
how glad I am to find *you* still being you, when
everyone and everything else
is so turned upside down."
"Tell me about it?" I request. "Your
home?"
She nods and takes a deep breath. "I came from a
different Sunnydale. A parallel
universe, I guess. You were there, but you weren't in
a cage. You helped Buffy
slay demons."
"Buffy... the slayer," I reply as I remember
finally what brought me *to*
Sunnydale. "She never showed up here."
"I figured," Cordelia said. "Apparently
that's my fault." At my puzzled
statement, she sighs and adds, "I'm such an
idiot. You see... I had a bad couple
of months and everything bad seemed to be tied to
Buffy being in Sunnydale.
So... I wished that she'd never come to Sunnydale, but
unfortunately it was
within hearing of some weird wish-granting demon-girl.
And... poof! No Buffy.
Sunnydale is now Hell-world. And I'm gonna *die*, and
it's all my fault!"
"No, it's not," I reply firmly. She looks
skeptical and I say, "Millions of
people, every day, wish certain things could happen to
make their lives better.
It is not *your* fault that a demon decided to grant
your wish. Especially, when
she knew what the consequences of that wish would
be."
"You think?"
"I don't have any doubt about it," I say.
"Demons like to make the lives of
humans miserable. I'd even bet she tried very *hard*
to get that wish out of
you... didn't she?"
Cordelia thinks about that a moment, staring at the
floor. "Well, yeah," she
says, looking back up at me. "But I still feel
like it's all my fault," she
adds. "I mean, why didn't I *know* how important
it was that Buffy was here??"
she sighs. "And I can't believe *you're* being so
nice about this, when it was
my wish that got you into this mess."
"No, it wasn't," I argue. "The slayer
didn't come, the Master rose and they
captured me. A list of unfortunate circumstances,
Cordelia, but you didn't have
anything to do with my situation. If anything, it's
the fault of the demon who
granted your wish. But stop beating yourself up about
it. We need to think about
how to get things back the way they should be, so you
can get home."
"I wish that was possible," she says sadly.
"But there's no chance of fixing
this, unless Buffy shows up... and I don't think she's
going to. Giles... he was
supposed to be her watcher... he was killed after he
saved me from Willow and
Xander. He didn't get a chance to call
Buffy."
She looks up at me tearfully, "I don't want to
die," she says.
I don't even think about it, I try to pull her gently
into my arms. She pulls
away before I can and I drop my hands quickly. I don't
blame her for not wanting
me to touch her. I'm a demon; she's a human. I've been
told to kill her. She's
right not to trust me completely. "I'm
sorry," I mumble.
I'm amazed at what she says next. "Angel, it's
not that I don't want you to hold
me. God, I'm so scared... I just ... your
injuries," she says.
I can't remember the last time someone wanted *not* to
add to my pain. I'm so
overwhelmed by this, it takes me a moment to find my
voice again. "I'm pretty
good at blocking out the pain," I say to her.
"Besides, holding you would be
probably as comforting for me as you," I admit.
"I don't get a lot of attention
that's not of the torturing kind."
"Well, if you promise I won't be hurting
you..." she says.
"I promise," I reply. I reach for Cordelia
again, hesitantly. She goes willingly
into my arms this time and I pull her across my lap as
I put my arms around her
tightly. She leans against my chest carefully and I am
amazed again at how much
this girl trusts me. I can't remember the last time
*anyone* trusted me. I want
to deserve her trust. I don't like to see her so
frightened and hopeless. I want
to make her feel safer. I want to protect her from
Willow and Xander.
I feel her body trembling and I know she's crying
again. I tighten my arms
around her in response.
Some time later, she finally stops crying. I think
she's fallen asleep and I
know it for certain when I hear her breathing slow. I
lean back against the wall
and let her sleep, hoping it will be a sleep with good
dreams.
**********
Part Seven
It's been an hour since Willow and Xander left. I know
that from looking at
Cordelia's watch. She begins to stir and eventually
looks up at me. "Thank you
for letting me sleep," she says.
"You don't have to thank me," I say with a
shrug. "You've obviously had a very
bad day." That gets a smile and I wish I could
make that happen more.
"You could say that," she replies. "I'm
so scared," she adds, her voice a
whisper.
"I won't let them hurt you," I say as I run
my fingers through her silky brown
hair. Carefully chosen words, because I won't make a
promise I'll have to break
later. I know that as much as I may want to keep her
safe and alive, I also
know, deep down, that I can't.
"You think I can't read between the lines,
Angel?" she asks. "I know you want to
keep them from hurting me... but that doesn't mean I'll
be alive tomorrow,
either, does it?" I have to look away from her
piercing eyes that tell me she
knows the truth I can't deny.
She puts a hand to my cheek and I look at her again.
"Just be straight with me,"
she requests. "I know *you* and I know you would
die to save any person who was
in danger. But Xander was right, wasn't he? You're not
strong enough to get me
out of this alive. You would die trying to protect me
but I'd still die too, in
the end."
"I honestly don't know," I admit. "I
haven't fought in ... years. I *would*
fight, though, if that's what you want."
"If you lost?" she wonders.
I don't want to think about that possibility, and she
must see that in my
statement. She takes one of my hands in hers and says,
"Please, Angel, just tell
me. I ... need to know."
I nod, knowing she's right. "I got the impression
that the Xander from your
Sunnydale was one of the good guys?" She nods and
I add, "Make no mistake about
it, Cordelia, that's not the case in this world. He's
learned a lot about
creative ways of inflicting pain, in the three years
that I've been held here.
He's cruel and sadistic. He likes to hear his victims
scream. He doesn't know
the meaning of the word mercy."
Cordelia shivers and I pull her closer. I hate to
frighten her like that but she
deserves honesty. She lays her head on my chest again
and says, "I know your
soul makes you not want to kill, Angel.
But..."
I know what she's trying to ask. It's not like I
haven't been thinking about it
myself. And the fact is it's the soul that makes me
ill at the thought of
killing her. But it's also the soul that would keep me
from making her death as
painful as death from Xander would be. So it would be
a mercy killing, kind of.
"I'd make it as painless as possible," I say
softly. "And I will, if that's what
you decide. Since that's really the least I can do for
you."
She's silent for a while and I just let her be,
running my fingers through her
hair. I love the feel of it, so soft, and the action
seems to calm her, too.
"I'm sorry I can't offer you a better
choice," I add.
She nods, "I know you are. I also know I can
trust you."
The warmth of her body has also begun to warm mine and
I like the way it feels.
I'm not unaware of the fact that she really is
beautiful, too. If I *could* get
her out of here alive, I don't think I'd want her to
leave this world. This is
the first person who has looked at me without fear and
I feel like if things
were different we could be friends. Maybe more?
I shove those thoughts away, there's no use thinking
about what could have been.
I have to deal with the reality of the situation,
which is that there's a very
frightened human girl in my arms, facing almost
certain death.
*********************
Part Eight
A door slams upstairs and Cordelia jumps.
"No," she whispers, pressing closer to
me.
"Shh," I whisper into her hair and hold her
tightly. "It's okay, it wasn't the
door to the basement."
"Oh god," she sobs, "I can't take this
waiting."
I know how she feels. The hours I spend down here
wondering when Willow or
Xander will return are almost more torture than the
actual torture. Some days
I'm *relieved* when I finally catch the scent of one
or both coming down the
stairs, because then at least the wait is over.
But Cordelia needs a good distraction. I can't ask her
about her home, it will
just make her more sad. I don't really have any good
stories to tell her,
because I don't remember anything beyond the time I've
been here. And *those*
stories would not cheer her up. So... that leaves one
other idea and I just
might get smacked for it. But it's worth a shot.
I cradle her face in my hands, tilting it up slightly.
She's still beautiful,
even with the tear streaks down her face and her eyes
filled with despair. I
lean in, slowly, so she'll have every opportunity to
shove me away if she wants
it. she doesn't take the opportunity, though. I press
my lips to hers and she
tenses for a split second before she gives in with a
shudder and a sigh. She
starts to kiss me back and parts her lips to let me
explore her mouth. I do so
and taste the salt of her tears as well as the taste
that is uniquely her. She
tastes of strawberries, vanilla and sunlight.
She moans and wraps her arms around my neck and I feel
like *I* want to cry. I
don't deserve this trust and affection. I pull away
sooner than I want to, but I
know that unlike me, she needs to breathe.
She looks up at me and I can tell there's something
troubling her. "Why'd you do
that?" she wonders, looking genuinely confused.
"Is this pity? Trying to make
the poor human girl feel a little better before she
dies?" she asks, her voice
bitter.
"No," I reply firmly. "I kissed you
because I wanted to, Cordelia. Because, the
moment they brought you in here, I couldn't help
thinking that you were one of
the most beautiful women I've ever seen," I say
honestly. She seems rather
surprised by that, and I can't help wondering how she
couldn't know how
beautiful she is. "It has nothing to do with
pity. If we had met out there and
if I could get you past the point of wanting to run
away from me screaming,
because of what I am..." I shrug. "I'd want
to spend time with you. I'd do my
best to charm you into letting me kiss you." And
more, I finish to myself.
She blushes, so I guess she *is* good at reading
between the lines. She looks
away and says, "I'm sorry for misunderstanding.
It's just--"
"It's okay, it was a fair question," I
reply, caressing her cheek tenderly. "But
I wouldn't lie to you. I'm attracted to you, Cordelia,
so I acted on it. But if
you don't want me to kiss you again, I
won't."
"But I do," she says, so quietly I wouldn't
have heard it but for my vampire
senses.
"You do?" I ask.
She nods, "I always thought you were
good-looking. I guess I was a little
jealous of Buffy, for getting to have you."
I'm not sure what to be more shocked about: the fact
that I'm seeing the vampire
slayer in Cordelia's Sunnydale, or the fact that I
wouldn't want to be with
Cordelia instead. I remember vaguely what Buffy looked
like: blonde, young,
pretty enough. However, she's far from the unique
beauty I see when I look at
Cordelia.
"I must be very stupid, in your Sunnydale,"
I say.
Cordelia's grin lights up my cell. "That is such
a sweet thing to say," she
whispers. She leans closer and kisses me and I wrap my
arms around her waist as
I let her control the kiss this time. She tugs my
lower lip between her teeth
and I groan. She smiles against my mouth and darts her
tongue out between my
lips. I part my lips eagerly and pull her closer as I
savor the amazing feeling
of her slow and thorough exploration of my mouth.
I rub my hands up and down her sides slowly and I
don't miss the way her heart
rate speeds up when my fingers get close to her
breasts. I don't doubt she's
attracted to me, but she's also young. She's probably
eighteen at the oldest
which means, I hope, that she's not very experienced.
I hope, because I want my
assumption of her innocence to be correct. Even if I
am fighting the urge to
help her get rid of some of that innocence.
**********
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