Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your New College Roommate
"My name's Carl, but friends just call me 'the oozer'"

"I got here an hour early, so I went ahead and sat naked in both chairs"

"Let's share a bed and reserve the other one for my anatomy cadaver"

"Here's $50. When the cops call, you've never heard of me"

"One little murder and I get expelled from my old college"

"Hmm, if I kill you and make it look like a suicide, I get a 4.0"

"Long story short, my twin brother goes to jail for life, I get away scott free!"

"Thank goodness you've arrived -- I've been naughty and I haven't been spanked in hours!"

"Youll have this place pretty much to yourself as I spend most of my time plotting the deaths of foreign leaders"

"I am deathly allergic to the smell of beer, chicken wings and girls"

"If I wanted to start dressing and acting like you in every way, where would I buy those shoes?"

"If I ever catch you in this room again, so help me God I'll kill you"