Johnny
1. Red and shiny the teacher, in an attempt to stimulate their minds, asked the class the following question,” What is bright red and shiny?”
Little Johnny jumped up and shouted "A
fire engine!!!!???" No! No!" said the teacher, “But I like the
way you think”. Anyone else?
Little Susan replied that it was an apple and everyone was happy except
Johnny Ofcourse. Anyway, Little Johnny asked the teacher if he can
ask a question to which she nodded OK. "What is long, hard, rounded
and has hair at one end?" JOHNNY!!!" she screamed, "WE'LL
HAVE NONE OF THAT TALK HERE."
Johnny replied, "No, it's a toothbrush, but I like the way you
think"...
2. Confused Little johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that
Johnny is having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls
, and would his mother ,"please sit down and have a talk
with Johnny
about this ?"
So johnny's mother takes him by the
hand , upstairs to her bedroom , and closes the door.
"First , Johnny , you take off my blouse...." so he
unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.. "Ok , now take off my
skirt...." ..and he takes off her
skirt.. "Now take off my bra...."...which he does.. "and
now , Johnny , please take off my panties.."
...and when Johnny finishes removing
those , she says………….
"Johnny , PLEASE
don't wear any of my clothes to school again!"
3. Little Johnny was sitting in
class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if
there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your
gun, how many would be left?"
"None", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well , the answer is 4", said the teacher , "but I
like the way you are thinking ."
Little Johnny retaliated. "I have a question for you now.
If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her
cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her
cone, which one is married?
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one
sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on
her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
4. Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town
all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday , I was playing
in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the
lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy
got on top of her and
-" The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word
! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what
you've just told me."
Father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But
why?" he croaks. "Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you
told me."
"Well," said little
Johnny , "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs
with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy
got on top of
her..." "...and they did just what you did last
week, Mommy, with Uncle Bob".
5. One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage. She
asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?
"Milk !" answered Little
Johnny
"No , I'm sorry . That's the wrong answer. Roses drink
water,"explained the teacher .
"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that
long!"
6. Johnny returns from school and says he got an FA in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father. "The teacher asked How much is 2x3? I
said 6. "But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?
"What's the fucking difference
?"
"That's exactly what I said ."
7. Five years old Johnny and his little sister are peeping through a
keyhole at their parents making love. "Wow, look at them! And
we are not allowed even to stick a
finger in our nose!"
8. Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each
other ."Dad, what're the dogs doing ?" asks Johnny .
"Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated."
"Okay , I've understood ." "What've you understood!?"
asks the father sarcastically .
"Never relax in your life , dad , or you'll get fucked like a
dog
9. Johnny's parents were out of town once and so they asked that
young female teacher to stay for that time in their house. Before going to bed
Johnny says to her "Oh, please,
I'm so afraid to be by myself, please, sleep in my bed."
She agrees, they go to bed. In the morning she wakes up to find a
big hairy chested man in her bed. She exclaims: "Johnny?
Where is Johnny?!!!"
"Johnny? Who is Johnny? Is
that the little boy selling the tickets?"