Title : "CHILD REARING - GOD'S WAY"
Text : Proverbs 22:6 ; Proverbs 22:15 ; &
Song of Solomon 1:6 & 2:15
INTRO :
I. ALWAYS DO WHATEVER YOU DO AS A PARENT FOR THE CHILD'S BEST INTEREST , AND FROM THEIR EARLIEST DAYS SEEK TO ALWAYS COMMUNICATE THAT PURPOSE TO YOUR CHILD , SO THEY WILL UNDERSTAND YOUR MOTIVATION !!!
II. The PURPOSE of Discipline is to BREAK the Child's WILL to DISOBEY the Parents' WILL !!!
A. The PARENT KNOWS BETTER THAN THE CHILD WHAT IS BEST for the Child.
B. Ultimately, the Parent is ACTING AS GOD'S REPRESENTATIVE to DIRECT THE CHILD IN THE WAY HE SHOULD GO.
C. Ultimately, the Parent is SEEKING TO CREATE OBEDIENCE & SUBMISSION WITHIN THE WILL OF THE CHILD so that WHEN the Child is GROWN he or she will be READY to SUBMIT to GOD WITHOUT Parental Presence or Enforcement !!!
D. Ultimately, this is ALL DIRECTED TOWARD THE CHILD BEING ABLE TO OBEY GOD'S CALLING to Man to FORSAKE his OWN Ways and Thoughts and RETURN to GOD, because GOD'S WAYS & THOUGHTS are HIGHER & NOBLER than Man's.
Isaiah 55:6-9
E. The PARENT IS GOD'S APPOINTED TUTOR & GOVERNOR OVER THE CHILD , and his or her JOB is to WORK THEMSELF OUT OF A JOB & TRANSFER THE CHILD to the Tutoring and Government of God as the Child Reaches Adulthood.
Galatians 4:1-2
III. CLEARLY Lay Out BOUNDARIES , & EXPLAIN What is EXPECTED OF the Child TO the Child.
A. They MUST KNOW What is Expected of them in Order to Comply.
B. This is an EVOLVING PROCESS for TWO REASONS :
1. Little Johnny Doesn't Need Dating Boundaries when he is Two Years Old. He Needs Boundaries with regard to Staying Out of the Candy Dish on the Coffee Table.
2. The Child Doesn't Come with a List of Instructions, and Most Parents Have Never Had any Formal Training in the "Theory" - for lack of a better term - of Child Rearing. Therefore , they Must DEVELOP their List of Boundaries Over Time as the Child Grows Up.
*** C. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SAY NO If You are Unsure of Just Where to Place the Boundaries OR Whether or Not to ALLOW the Child to DO a Particular thing !!!
D. NEVER WAVER or Back Off from a Boundary Line when You KNOW You are Right OR You are UNSURE , and You are Playing it SAFE by Saying NO.
E. When You've had Time to Pray and Meditate on a Boundary Question , FEEL FREE to Re-draw the Boundary Line WHENEVER You Believe that the LORD is In It and the Best Interests of the Child would be Served.
F. NEVER LET A CHILD PRESSURE OR NAG YOU INTO YIELDING !!!
IV. NEVER GIVE A CHILD WHAT THEY WHINE AND
NAG YOU FOR !!!!!!!!!
A. Teach them to APPEAL to You , as We are Told to Do with God, but Make it CLEAR that If they Whine and Throw a FIT that they will AUTOMATICALLY LOSE their Appeal Without ANY Further NEGOTIATION.
B. NEVER ALLOW YOUR CHILD to Get Into the HABIT of RUDELY INTERRUPTING You and DEMANDING Your ATTENTION When You are TALKING to Someone or are BUSY Doing Something.
1. TELL them to WAIT a Minute , and HOLD UP Your HAND.
2. DO NOT IGNORE THEM !!! TAKE AUTHORITY OVER their INTERRUPTION.
3. CONTINUE what Your are Doing - but ONLY Until You can CONVENIENTLY EXCUSE YOURSELF Momentarily to DEAL with the Child's Question , Comment , or Request.
4. As You Apply these Principles, You will Train Your Child to a Point where All You will Have to Do is Hold Up Your Hand to Stop their Interruptions.
C. If You are Already Having Problems like these , then , You Should IMMEDIATELY TAKE STEPS to RE-TRAIN Your Child and CORRECT that Situation.
1. Sit Down with the Child and EXPLAIN that You are Going to CHANGE the Way that You DEAL with INTERRUPTIONS.
2. TEACH them to Come Into Your PRESENCE and STAND QUIETLY & PATIENTLY.
3. TRAIN YOURSELF to MEET their GLANCE AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE that THEY ARE THERE with a Question , a Comment , or a Request !!!
a. By Ignoring them or Not Taking Notice of them You are a Part of the Problem when they Genuinely Need Your Attention , so You Must Train Yourself to Recognize them - but NOT to Become Controlled or Manipulated By Them.
b. Many Times a Child will have a Childish Desire to Totally Dominate the Parent's Attention , when the Parent NEEDS to FOCUS their Attention Elsewhere. This is UNACCEPTABLE !!!
c. This Approach will BALANCE Their NEEDS with Yours.
4. TEACH them that If You Do Not ACKNOWLEDGE them After a Minute or Two that they Should Quietly Touch You and Leave their Hand there Until You Recognize their Presence.
*** 5. DON'T IGNORE YOUR KIDS , BUT NEITHER SHOULD YOU ALLOW THEM TO RUDELY INTERRUPT YOU & CONTROL YOU BY DOMINATING YOUR ATTENTION !
V. NEVER TOLERATE WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE !!!!!!!!
A. Children Will ATTEMPT to DEFY their Parents Commandments and Will WATCH the Parent to SEE What the Parent Will DO About it.
B. If the Parent Does Not Act QUICKLY & FIRMLY to Bring the Child IN LINE the Parent Will Quickly Lose Control of the Child !
C. Demonstrations of Open DISRESPECT for the Parent's Commands OR the Parent's Person MUST Be IMMEDIATELY and FIRMLY Confronted and Corrected.
D. NEVER ALLOW the Child to Say NO, OR I'm NOT Going to DO it , when You TELL them to DO Something.
E. NEVER ALLOW the Child to ARGUE with you ANGRILY or DISRESPECTFULLY about a Decision You've Made.
1. TEACH them How to HUMBLY APPEAL Your Decisions , If they Feel the Need to.
2. Make Your Decisions Calmly; Wisely; & In the Child's Best Interests , and You Will Win and Maintain their Love and Respect.
3. NEVER ALLOW the Child to STOMP AWAY or SLAM the DOOR or YELL at You and Demonstrate Disrespect , when they Don't Want to DO what You have TOLD them to DO.
VI. CLEARLY Lay Out the PUNISHMENT which the Child can EXPECT if the Boundaries are CROSSED.
A. I Will Deal with the Subject of Punishment ( Specifically Spanking and the Alternatives ) in a Different Message.
B. For the Purpose of this Message It is Enough to Say that Punishment Must Be Clear and Specific , and the Child Must be Clearly Instructed in the DISCIPLINARY CONSEQUENCES for ACTS of WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE.
C. THIS WILL TEACH THE CHILD TO ASSOCIATE PAIN & SORROW TO ACTS OF WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE !!!
VII. CONSISTENTLY ENFORCE the Boundaries , & GUARD them From Being Crossed !!!
A. CONSISTENCY IS ABSOLUTELY VITAL in Training Up a Child . NOTHING will HURT the PROCESS More than Inconsistency - Except for Failing to Discipline at all !!!
B. When the Child is Approaching the Boundary Line - or has Crossed the Line WITHOUT DELIBERATE DISOBEDIENCE - Speak Up and Remind the Child Immediately.
C. If there is NOT AN IMMEDIATE CEASING of the FORBIDDEN ACTION , STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING & DIRECTLY CONFRONT the Misbehavior .
1. Make SURE the Child KNOWS that he or she is ONE STEP AWAY From PUNISHMENT .
2. Children will Perhaps Not Hear You OR Perhaps will Not Register Your First Warning , so This Second Step Must Be Taken BEFORE Any Actual Punishment Takes Place.
*** Parents Get TOO BUSY to PROPERLY DISCIPLINE their Children OR to PROPERLY MONITOR their Misbehavior in Such a Way as to EFFECTIVELY SUPERIMPOSE THEIR WILL UPON their Children and their Behavior. Then, they WRING THEIR HANDS , because their Children are OUT OF CONTROL .
3. If the Child Does Not IMMEDIATELY CHANGE DIRECTIONS , the Parent MUST ACT IMMEDIATELY to APPLY CORRECTIVE MEASURES.
VIII. When the Boundaries are Crossed , IMMEDIATELY ADDRESS the Disobedience.
Ecclesiastes 8:11
A. In the Beginning it may be Necessary to Remove the Child to a Private Place and Apply Corrective Disciplinary Measures.
B. Once the PATTERN Begins to be DEVELOPED in the Child's MIND of ASSOCIATING CORRECTIVE DISCIPLINE to an ACT of WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE , a Quiet Promise of What is Coming when You Get the Child Home - or to a Private Place - Along with a Promise of SPECIFICALLY WORSE Punishment IF the Disobedience Does Not Stop IMMEDIATELY Will Effect the Desired Change in Conduct.
C. As the HABIT of Discipline is DEVELOPED by the Parent, & the Child COMES to a PLACE of KNOWING that DEFINITE CONSEQUENCES will ALWAYS FOLLOW Upon ACTS of WILLFUL DISOBEDIENCE , the Parent will Only Need to POINT OUT to the Child that he or she is DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO CROSSING THE LINE , and the WARNING ALONE WILL STOP the Undesirable Behavior.
*** BUT ONLY IF THE CHILD KNOWS THAT THE PARENT
WILL FOLLOW THROUGH with Corrective Discipline
If the Behavior is Not Immediately Corrected.
IX. ALWAYS MAKE the PUNISHMENT MORE UNENJOYABLE than the PLEASURE the Child will RECEIVE from DISOBEDIENCE.
A. If Johnny Only Gets a Little Scolding when He has Stayed Out Past his Curfew with his Girlfriend , He WILL NOT MIND AT ALL.
B. In Order to CORRECT THE BEHAVIOR the Punishment MUST Make DISOBEDIENCE UNACCEPTABLE to the Child.
C. This Direct Cause and Effect Between Behavior and Consequences will Teach the Child SELF CONTROL and ACCOUNTABILITY : Both of which he or she Must Have a Handle on If they are Ever to Become the Kind of Adults that the LORD Desires them to Be.
X. A MOST IMPORTANT RULE FOR LIFE THAT CHILDREN MUST BE TAUGHT
Disobedience Brings Pain and Sorrow,
but
Obedience Brings Joy and Blessing and Happiness.
XI. A Rule for TEACHING & LEARNING the Wise Parent Will Apply to their Instruction of their Children
Not What They Can Remember, but What they Can Never Forget
Constitutes Knowledge ;
Therefore DRILL, DRILL, DRILL, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW !!!