Negaverse Lair - *Negaduck is grinning evilly and walking about proudly while Megavolt is in the background moving boxes around. Two special visitors are in the Lair today - Bushroot and Quackerjack. Bushroot can be seen in the background watering plants while Quackerjack is making some sort of toy* Negaduck: My friends, we are about to embark on the most odious, the most evil, the most diabolical scheme of my illustrious career. A crime to top all crimes, a crime that will live in infamy! Megavolt: Hey! You took that line right out of The Great Mouse Detective! Negaduck: Oh really? I thought I took it out of Snow White! *breaks a lightbulb over Megavolt's head* Dimbulb... Megavolt: *whimpers* Poor lightbulb... Bushroot: *scratches his head* Huh? I mean I thought we always did diabolical schemes... Negaduck: Our living entertainments have a most beautiful piece of work given to play with. A sort of late Christmas present! Megavolt: The Ode to The Lightbulb? Bushroot: My Plant Skip? Quackerjack: Mr. Bananabrain Goes to Town? Negaduck: Argh! The most beautiful piece of work that I'm talking about is Dave Rhodes letter, Get Rich Quick! Mwahhahahhahahahahahahah! Megavolt/Bushroot/Quackerjack: Oh...*gasp in horror* Negaduck: Don't look so surprised... Bushroot: Well I'm sorry Mr. Nast - er, I mean, Negaduck, but - Negaduck: Mwahhahaha...Have fun, loosers! *presses the spam button* Quackerjack: It's get evil time! W.O.L - Steelbeak: *squawks* Whaat? Dis can't be happening...Dey didn't even warn us! Rameses: Just get into the theater! *makes a mad dash for the theater; knocking over a vase and upsetting Ammonia* Sorry, Moni! *leaps out of the way as she nearly hits him with her broom*   Door Sequence 7...6...5...4...3...3...1 *Scar, Rameses, Frollo, Steelbeak and the Liquidator take their seats as usual* Scar: There are feathers all over my seat... Rameses: Just move to another one... Steelbeak: Well dere's hair all over mine! Rameses: There's one over there that doesn't have anything on it... Frollo: There's water all over the place! Rameses: Guys...Don't start now. The thing's not even started. >Subject: Get Rich Quick! (No Scam, No Con, No Lie, Just common sense!) Rameses: Just a load of crap! >From: WiSeOnE <espeseth@crestviewfl.com> Rameses: StUpId OnE could not come in today. The Liquidator: Please give a warm welcome to WiSe OnE! Rameses: My name is WiSe OnE and I'll be your host for today... >Date: Sat, 07 Dec 1996 16:52:55 -0600 Steelbeak: They've been producin' dis crap eva since! >Newsgroups: ita.gnu, ita.gnu.kernel All: Kernels! Kernels! Rah-rah-rah! >ita.news, ita.news.admin, ita.test Scar: Ita.ho... Rameses: Scarrrrr... >iu, iu.classified, iu.culture.china, iu.india iu, iu.classified, iu.culture.china, iu.india, jccs, jccs.kyoto, jccs.kyoto.announce, jccs.kyoto.bugs, jccs.kyoto.consult, jccs.kyoto.news, jhu.peabody The Liquidator: Professor Peabody may I presume? >jmas, jmas.test, All: And a happy new year! > joelnet, joelnet.config, jp, jp.inet Rameses: *points at the screen* Hey it's Joel... Scar: I still say Mike Nelson's better... Steelbeak: Joel's better! Scar: NO! Mike is! Steelbeak: Joel is! Scar: MIKE! Steelbeak: JOEL! Scar: MIKE! Rameses: Ugh..I shouldn't have pointed it out to them... Frollo: ...Tom Servo... The Liquidator: Crow .T Robot! Steelbeak: Joel è migliore perché ho detto così! Così là! Frollo: Ugh...Babelfish doesn't translate well... >Organization: CMDS News machine The Liquidator: Where bad news is good news! >Xref: sakura.kudpc jccs.kyoto.announce:203 jccs.kyoto.bugs:50 jccs.kyoto.consult:1582 jccs.kyoto.news:336 jmas.test:1 joelnet.config:17 Scar: *Basil* ...Whateva. >Earn Up To $50,000 In Just 20 To 60 Days Steelbeak: Inns across Canada! The Liquidator: No more bulky hairdryers, messy shampoo bottles or confusing travel alarm clocks. It's all waiting for you when you check in to any Days Inn. And be sure to pick up your own copy of The Hamilton Spectator, compliments of Days Inns. >It's Like A Dream Comes True! Rameses: Personally, I didn't like that movie... Scar: *Humbert Humbert* Full of melancholy and despair... >Please be skeptical about this letter. Please be very, very skeptical. Frollo: This says a lot about someone who wants to talk people into reading this letter... >But don't go away until you have carefully considered what I am about to show you. All: EWWW! >This can be the most important communication you will receive if you can understand and act upon this incredible opportunity. The Liquidator: All this and more with The Liquidator! >This is a real opportunity to make money fast and begin your own business at your computer. Steelbeak: Oh puh-leeeze...Dis opp-ort-unity is as real as my beak! >Read the info below and follow the guidelines and you can make money fast. The Liquidator: In case irritation occurs, discontinue use. >This letter was given to me and I'm sharing it with you. Frollo: *sweetly* Why thank you! >Give it a chance and you to will make the money you need to get the life you want. *long period of silence* *crickets chirp* Scar: This is bad. The Liquidator: It gets better, thanks to the Liquidator! >I have already seen the money coming in. Steelbeak: Babe, whateva you've been smoking, I want some, too! *laughs* >This takes very little time and is really working well Frollo: Well I'm still not interested in it. Go away. >so if you want to make a little extra cash and start your own business then go for it! Rameses: *sings* Go for it, connect four! Steelbeak: Fanboy! >INSTRUCTIONS: The Liquidator: Leave in hair for 5 minutes. For best results, use The Liquidator brand conditioner! >Follow these instructions EXACTLY Scar: *pirate* Or walk the plank! Arrr! >and in 20 to 60 days you will have received well over $50,000.00 cash, all yours. Rameses: All mine. >This program Frollo: How to dismantle glockenspiels and grow cabbage for profit... >has remained successful because of the HONESTY and integrity of the participants. Steelbeak: You know, I've heard dat line from da last spam... Rameses: These authors aren't very original with what they say. They usually just do a cut and paste job from another great piece of work and just add it to their's. >Please continue, Scar: I'm Mike, from Canmore... >Welcome to the World of Mail Order! >This little business is somewhat different than most mail order houses. Rameses: It's a mail order apartment, actually. >Your product is not solid and tangible, Frollo: It's ethereal and insubstantial... Steelbeak: It's...*snaps fingers and points at the screen* Solido e definito! Frollo: *clears throat* In French we say 'plein et réel' Scar: Tenuous and...Intangible? *shrugs* The Liquidator: *dramatically* It's not The Liquidator! >but rather a service. Steelbeak: Well, if ya wanna be specifiiiic...It's a servizio! Frollo: Or...*French accent* Service! Negaduck: *over loudspeakers* Or...In plain English...LET'S GET ON WITH IT! >You are in the business of developing Mailing Lists. Rameses: Am I? I always thought I was a clown who read spam for kicks... >Man large corporations The Liquidator: As opposed to 'man small' corporations! >are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. Scar: Well...I'll pay you a small doe for now. Just as long as I get my quality lists! Steelbeak: Lame, Scar! Lame! Rameses: Scar, you're a great villain and all but you could have said something better. Scar: *rolls eyes* I'm surrounded by idiots... >(The money made from the mailing lists is secondary to the income which is made from people like yourself requesting that they be included in that list.) Steelbeak: I want dis author to be partially eaten den spat out by someting...Scar, could you - Scar: NO. >Imediantley Frollo: *gritted teeth* It's 'immediantly.' Rameses: Apparently the author hasn't heard of something called a spellcheck, Frollo. Be kind. >mail $1.00 to the first 5 names listed below, starting at number 1 through number 5. Scar: Michael Eisner. Rameses: Jean Chretin. Frollo: Tiger Woods. The Liquidator: Basil of Bakerstreet! Steelbeak: *Crow T. Robot* MCLOUD! >SEND CASH ONLY. Rameses: Does Canadian Tire money count? It's all I got! >(Total investment: $5.00) Scar: *Homer Simpson* Wow... Steelbeak: Dat's a lot of money...I wish I dat much. >Enclose a note with each letter stating: Scar: "Bite me, it's fun!" The Liquidator: "10% off next purchase!" Frollo: "Hamilton, our ambitious city!" Steelbeak: "Dear Mr. Clinton - dere's dis country called Canada..." Rameses: "Help! I'm a fly!" >"Please add my name to your mailing list". The Liquidator: Very well. As you wish! >Include your name and mailing address. Frollo: This is John_-_Winston speaking to you in my voice... Scar: I do not have a mailing address. This sets me apart from everyone else. Rameses: Because I said so! >(This is a Steelbeak: ILL legitimate service that you are requesting and you are paying $1.00 for this service.) Scar: Oh am I now? >Remove the name that appears as number 1 on the list. Move the other 4 names up one position (Number 2 becomes number 1, number 3 becomes number 2, and so on). Frollo: I'm speechless... >Place your name, address, and zip code Steelbeak: Umm...What's a 'zip code', Rameses? Rameses: I think it's something to do with pants... > in the number 5 position. Scar: Me and Zira - Rameses: *puts a hand over Scar's muzzle* Enough... Scar: *growls* Get your hand off of my muzzle or it's going to be raw hamburger... Rameses: *chuckles and takes his hand off; pats Scar on his head* Very cute, Scar. Very cute. You know, you can almost pass as being threatening... >With your name in the number 5 position, Steelbeak: *laughs* Do da numba 9 position! Frollo: *disgusted* Immature delinquents... Steelbeak: Ah, c'mon, Frootloop. Lighten up! Frollo: The next person to entitle me 'Frootloop' will be burned at the stake! >upload this ENTIRE file Steelbeak: Sul Suo asino! Rameses: *grabs Steelbeak by the collar of his jacket and brings the rooster's face right up to his; smiles cruelly and prepares to punch him* I thought you learned your lesson last time...? Steelbeak: *growls and snaps his beak in Rameses' face* You touch, I kill! *frightened, Rameses releases Steelbeak who bursts into laughter* Rameses: The next time I fancy a chicken dinner, I'll know were to get the chicken... Steelbeak: *crosses arms* Heyyyy... >to 10 (ten) different bulletin boards. The Liquidator: As opposed to 10 (6) bulletin boards. >You may post it to the BBS's message base or to the file section. The Liquidator: On Aisle Four! >Name it FASTCASH.TXT, Frollo: Or HELLFIRE.TXT. >and use the file description comments to draw attention to this file and its great potential Rameses: For people like Negaduck and Megavolt to get a hold of and force others to read it in a really grubby theater... Steelbeak: Hey, I just found a peanut on da floor! Scar: Good. Choke on it. Rameses: If you eat that thing and become ill I'm not taking you to the hospital! Steelbeak: *picks up the peanut; examines it and whines* It's all dusty! *throws it at Scar* Scar: I hate you... >for all of us. The Liquidator: One for all and all for one! >Within 60 days you will receive over $50,000. Frollo: If not I'll demand I'll get my five dollars back. >00 in CASH Steelbeak: CASH - Canadian Association for Shorthaired Hamsters. >Keep a copy of this file for yourself so that you can use it again and again The Liquidator: And again! >whenever you need money. Scar: *sing-songy* Call DW! >As soon as you mail out these letters you are automatically The Liquidator: Entered in The Liquidator's holiday vacation for two to Las Vegas. >in the mail order business. Rameses: It is the survival of the smartest. >People will be sending YOU $1.00 to be placed on your mailing list. Frollo: And they will all bow to me. >This list can then be rented to Steelbeak: Gaston and Da Genie and dat rotting corpse guy. >a broker The Liquidator: Specializing in feminine hygiene products! > that can be found in your local yellow pages listings for additional income on a regular basis. The Liquidator: Because no one likes having an additional income on a irregular basis. > The list will become more valuable as it grows in size. Scar: *redneck* Why, last year Billy-Bob won best prize at the county fair for having the biggest list! >This is a service. Frollo: As advertised in the Toronto Star. >** IT IS PERFECTLY Rameses: ILL > LEGAL ** *Scar and Steelbeak give Rameses a high five* >If you have any doubts as to the legality of this service, The Liquidator: Buy direct from The Liquidator! >please refer to Title 18, Sections 1302 and 1341 of the Postal Lottery Laws. Rameses: See? Even the lottery laws have gone postal... >NOTE: Scar: Please keep on cleared paths. Thank you for your co-operation. The Liquidator: Message provided by the Mystery Disney Science Theater 2000 and Beyond crew. >Make sure that you retain EVERY name and address sent to you, either on computer or hard copy, Steelbeak: I love that show... >but do not discard the names and notes that people send to you. Rameses: Trade them in for a bag of pork rines. > This is PROOF that you are truly providing a service, Frollo: As opposed to a product. >and should the I.R.S. or some other government agency Scar: Such as SHUSH >questions Steelbeak: And answers >you, you can provide them with this proof! Rameses: I'm sorry Mr. Nice Police Officer, I had proof that this was legal but my dog ate it! >Remember, as each post is downloaded and the instructions carefully followed, members will be > >reimbursed for their participation as a List Developer with $1.00 each. Your name will move up the >list geometrically so that when your name reaches the number 5 position you will be receiving > >thousands of dollars in cash. The Liquidator: Just like the Circle of Life! >REMEMBER - THIS PROGRAM FAILS ONLY IF YOU ARE NOT HONEST Scar: *Bond* The name's Honest. Honest John. >- PLEASE!! Frollo: *firmly* No! >PLEASE BE HONORABLE All: Yes, your honor... >...IT DOES WORK! Steelbeak: Well I have proof dat it doesn't. Sci-en-tif-ic proof! >THANK YOU! Scar: *Apu* Come again! >From: Fortune Distributions (Tom@mail.utep.edu) Rameses: *points at the email address* Hey, it's Tom Servo! >Hello there, All: Hi Tom! > Read this: Steelbeak: I don't wanna. Rameses: Oh c'mon, Steelie, it's from Tom! Steelbeak: I like Crow better. Scar: Tom's better! Rameses: Gypsy's better than both of them and that's that! So there. >It works! Frollo: We believe you, Tom. Well I do, anyway...*glares scoldingly at his cohorts* >Fellow Debtor: Steelbeak: *Britto* Today I strolled through the gardens of the manor. Such a pleasant day it was with the birds singing and the sun shining. What a pity it was when it started to rain. >This is going to sound like a con, Frollo: Because it is. Scar: Frollo, it's one of those father-son...Things... >but in fact IT WORKS! The Liquidator: Use only as directed. >The person who is now #4 on the list was #5 when I got it, which was only a few days ago. Steelbeak: Nahhh...WEEKS. >Five dollars is a small investment in your future. Frollo: Let me rephrase this... Rameses/Scar/The Liquidator/Steelbeak: *groan* Frollo: Five dollars is a diminutive endeavor for your future. Steelbeak: *snidely* Ev'ry ting just has to just so, duz'in'it? Frollo: Indeed it does. > Forget the lottery for a week, and give this a try. Rameses: Despite the F.B.I risk. >It can work for ALL of us. Scar: Never worked for me! It left this really nasty taste in my mouth that I could not get rid of for over a week... >You can edit this list with a word processor or text editor. The Liquidator: Or even a graphic editor! >Good Luck!! Frollo: *drones* We'll need it... >Dear Friend: My name is Dave Rhodes. All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! >In September 1988 Steelbeak: I joined da Montreal Maple Leafs. >my car was repossessed and Scar: Later found in a ditch. > the bill collectors were Rameses: After me, even if I was a Dave. >hounding me like you wouldn't believe. The Liquidator: I was terrified. I did not know what to do. Should I make a break for it, or should I turn myself in? Tune in next time at the same time on the same channel! >I was laid Scar: So was I! Rameses: Scar! >off and Frollo: On. >my unemployment checks had run out. Rameses: The door. Steelbeak: Don't'cha tink you should'a kept dem on a leash? >The only escape I had from the pressures of failure was my computer and my modem. Frollo: *sarcastic* This is so depressing... >I longed to turn my advocation into my vocation. Rameses: *Dave Rhodes* But being the procrastinator that I am I never got around to it. Steelbeak: Too much woik. >In January 1989 my family and I went on a ten day cruise to the tropics. The Liquidator: They were never heard of since then. >I bought a brand new Lincoln Town Car with CASH in February 1989. Rameses: See how handy it is to be a part of Canadian Association of Shorthaired Hamsters? >I am currently building a new home on the west coast of Florida, with a private Scar: Kidney-shaped > pool, boat slip, an a beautiful view of the bay Frollo: Hudson's Bay, of course. >from my breakfast room table and patio. Rameses: *Dave Rhodes* I saw that Moses was playing cards with Bugs Bunny. I was not smoking anything. >I will never have to work again. Steelbeak: *laughs* Dat's what you tink! Rameses: *evilly* We have other plans... >Today I am RICH! Scar: Hmm...Well you still look like a DAVE to me. >I have earned over $400,000.00 (Four Hundred Thousand Dollars) to date Frollo: *J.Gander* You never cease to amaze me, Dave. Steelbeak: We're so happy fer you Dave dat we're gonna throw a party! The Liquidator: With food and party favors supplied by The Liquidator! >and will become a millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Rameses: If I don't become a millionaire within 4 or 5 months, I'm gonna get mad! >Anyone can do the same Scar: Do what???!!! Frollo: Can we get back to the script, please? >This money making program Frollo: Thank you. >works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. Steelbeak: *Pinky* All day, everyday! >I have NEVER Frollo: Wanted to attend to Festival of Fools. I'm a public official - Steelbeak: *makes a perfect imitation of Frollo's voice* I must go! But I don't enjoy a moment. Thieves and hustlers and the dregs of humankind, all mixed together in a shallow, drunken stupor. Frollo: *disgusted* You are one of Disney's most obnoxious villains, did you know that? Steelbeak: Of course I do. It's a badge of honor. Hey, babe, whenever I get my name mentioned by Disney, my ego meter goes up a notch. Dey're kinda dumb dat way... Rameses: Let's just get back to the script like Frollo said...*clears throat* I >failed to earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Scar: Pity. >Best of all, The Liquidator: *Timon* No worries! >you never have to leave home except to go to your mailbox or post office. Scar: I think this is a cry for help... >In October 1988, Steelbeak: Out in Nebraska... >I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could The Liquidator: Earn a living working with The Liquidator! Aaaand... >I could earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. The Liquidator: You tell 'em, pardner! >I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. Frollo: Our friend Dave Rhodes had a very disturbed childhood. >It's funny though, when you are desperate Scar: *laughs* Being desperate's so funny... >, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. Steelbeak: Rameses, can you back me into a corner? I want my mind to do crazy tings! Rameses: No...Your mind's crazy enough as it is without being backed into a corner. The Liquidator: Meanwhile in the Greater Toronto Area... >I spent a frustrating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. Frollo: Tarzan said to Jane as Terk decided to take the classified section of the newspaper. >The pickings were sparse at best. Steelbeak: And dat's not da only ting dat's sparse... >that night I tried to unwind by booting up my computer and calling several bulletin boards. Rameses: Because Dave Rhodes had absolutely nothing better to do. >I read several of the messages posted and then glanced at the letter laying next to the computer. Scar: It refused to look to me. >All at once it became clear to me. The Liquidator: *Dave Rhodes* I need to get out more. >I now had the key to my dreams. Steelbeak: *snobbishly* Well*I* have the keys to the city. >I realized that Rameses: *crying* My only friend is the computer! >with the power of the computer I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. Scar: Dave Rhodes, the God of money. >I substituted the computer bulletin boards in place of Steelbeak: My wife. >the post office Steelbeak: *laughs* Rameses: Steelbeak that was mean. If Ammonia heard you say that she'd give you one hell of a beating. >and electronically did by computer what others were doing by mail. Scar: I wonder if this guy goes grocery shopping on the Internet... >Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Rameses: The rest are used to line the cat's litter box. >Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. The Liquidator: Dave Rhodes uses Sympatico High-Speed Edition! >If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all of your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Rameses: Maybe if we kill Negaduck - Negaduck: *over the loudspeakers* Not a chance. >Your dreams WILL come true. Frollo: Wishful thinking. >Sincerely yours, David Rhodes Scar: Does this mean it's over? Rameses: Unfortunately no... >The following Steelbeak: Love letter was written by a participating member in this program. The Liquidator: The Friends Only Want Love program. >***************************************************************** Scar: *sings* When you wish upon a star... >To those with the COMMON sense to Rameses: Not participate in this easy money opportunity: Steelbeak: Play it smart and don't get ripped off. >About six months ago I received the enclosed post in letter form. The Liquidator: As opposed to receiving it in point form! >I ignored it. I received about five more of the same letter within the next two weeks I ignored them also. Rameses: I tried ignoring it but it just kept coming back! >Of course, Rameses: I was just your ordinary average Joe with too much time on his hands, so... >I was tempted to follow through and dreamed of making thousands, but I was convinced it was just another gimmick and I was Frollo: Right. >wrong! Frollo: Argh! The Liquidator: *Nelson Muntz* Hah hah! >About three weeks later I saw this same letter posted on a local bulletin board in Montreal. Steelbeak: I got pissed off and reported him to the ISP. > I liked the idea of giving it a try with my computer. All: Ewwwwwwww! The Liquidator: Sex with computers, a new revolution! >I didn't expect much because I figured, Steelbeak: Computers don't have much of a drive...*seductful* If you know what I mean... Rameses: Ugh...I give up... >if other people were as skeptical as I Scar: Does anyone notice how these people who are involved in these schemes are 'naturally skeptical'? Frollo: Whatever it is, it seems to be affecting their intelligence level! >they would not be too quick to part with $5.00. Scar: You know about 130 years ago, five dollars was a lot of money... >But, Rameses: ...You need a hobby. > I BUY LOTTERY TICKETS WEEKLY IN MY PROVINCE AND HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT BUT TICKET STUBS! Rameses: Okay, okay! Don't be so defensive! Just turn off the caps locks... The Liquidator: Canadians are not as friendly as they appear. Proceed with caution. >This week I decided to look at this as my weekly lottery purchase. Frollo: But I changed my mind... >I addressed the envelopes and mailed out $1.00 in each as directed. Steelbeak: *whines* But it still didn't woik! >Two weeks went by and I didn't receive anything in the mail. Rameses: Except a postcard from Aunt Martha in Hawaii, but that doesn't really count... >The fourth week rolled around and I couldn't believe what happened! Scar: *sings mournfully* My wife left me for another man... >I can not say that I received $50,000.00, but it was definitely well over $35,000.00! The Liquidator: You would not have been ripped off if you saved with The Liquidator! >For the first time in 10 years I got out of debt. It was great. Rameses: *Baloo* You better believe it. >Of course, it did not take me long to go through my earnings, so I am using this excellent money opportunity once again. Frollo: Can we say obsessive compulsive? >FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS AND GET READY TO ENJOY! Scar: Enjoy WHAT? The Liquidator: *commercial voiceover* We'll be back after this. >Please send a copy of this letter along with the enclosed letter so together we can convince people who are skeptical that this really does work! Scar: What works?!? Rameses: Scar, If you were in school I'm sure they'd diagnose you with ADHD or something. You have the shortest attention span! >Good Luck, Charles Kust Steelbeak: You'll need all da luck ya can find. >St Agathe Que. The Liquidator: Ahhh...A Francophone! Rameses: Be nice. He's a Canadian. >Hey.... Scar: No contact! >I'm one of the people who downloaded this awhile ago, and I've made quite a profit... Frollo: Selling used kitchen utensils. >not 50,000 dollars Frollo: You see, my fellow Canadian, I'm afraid there is not much of a demand for used kitchen utensils >, but TONS more than the 5 bucks I sent in. Steelbeak: I should hope so! Cripe, if all I got was five dollars... Rameses: I think we should take it easy on him. I mean he didn't exactly get $50,000 dollars as Dave Rhodes and that introductory guy promised... >It might take more than 60 days to get 50,000, but I think I can wait. Scar: *seethes* Well I can't! I was promised to get my $50,000 within 60 days! I'm pissed! >Danny Wood The Liquidator: No relation to Elijah Wood. >ANOTHER ADDITION BY A PARTICIPATING MEMBER Frollo: Of the Hellfire Club. > PLEASE just try this and do it right Steelbeak: Do one ting wrong and I'll come over dere and bust yer kneecaps! >it's only 5 dollars The Liquidator: Plus shipping and handling. >and its legal Rameses: To walk topless through downtown Hamilton. >but DON'T Rameses: It's disgusting. Please... >try to cheat the system or you are cheating yourself! Scar: *little kid* Teacher! Tommy's cheating the system again! >WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE, A MAXIMUM OF $5 ! Steelbeak: *mutters* I tink dere's problem with dis guy's caps lock... Rameses: Huh? Couldn't hear you! The caps locks! Steelbeak: *yells* I SAID DAT DERE'S A PROBLEM WIT DIS GUY'S CAPS LOCK! >just try this The Liqudiator: Free sample of The Liquidator brand's Cod Liver Oil! >and do it right it's only 5 dollars and its legal, but DON'T try to cheat the system or you are cheating yourself! Scar: But what if the system is cheating me? >WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO LOSE, Frollo: My five dollars! >A MAXIMUM OF $5 ! Steelbeak: But I don't wanna part with my five dollars! >JUST TRY IT! Steelbeak: Is dat a challenge? *rolls up sleeves* >JUST TRY IT! Steelbeak: *snarl!* Rameses: Steelbeak, I wouldn't ruffle your feathers over him. *gives him a shoulder massage* Steelbeak: Rrrr...Oooooo...Just a little to the right there...Poifect! >SPREAD IT EVERYWHERE, Scar: Spread WHAT everywhere?! Rameses: *sigh* Just pay attention! >HE MORE YOU SPREAD THE MORE YOU MAKE! Scar: ...? The Liquidator: Ditto. >THIS WORKS!!! Frollo: You can say the same about Microsoft... >*********************************************************************** Rameses: These authors sure don't skimp on asterisks... Frollo: *Scar* I despise asterisks... >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Steelbeak: Dey don't skimp on the exclamation marks, eitha... >I AM PROOF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rameses: Oh great. Now this is suddenly turning into a Vision TV program... >DO IT... The Liquidator: Just do it! >********************************************************************** Frollo: Djali's fleas up close and personal. >THIS IS REAL AND LEGAL. Scar: So put that in your pipe and smoke it! >AND IF YOU DO NOT FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY AND DO NOT RECEIVE ANY OR LITTLE MONEY. DO NOT BLAME IT ON THE MAILING LIST NAMES. Steelbeak: Blame Canada! >JUST INCLUDE YOUR NAME OR WHERE YOU GOT THIS TEXT FILE FOR EXAMPLE AMERICA ON LINE ETC... Scar: I found my text file in a box of Crackerjacks... >ALSO THE NAMES ON THIS LIST HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IF YOU GET YOUR MONEY OR NOT. Frollo: *clears throat* Sir? You're repeating yourself... The Liquidator: *as author* DO NOT BLAME IT ON THE MAILING LIST NAMES. >IT IS GUARANTEED YES THAT YOU WILL GET YOUR MONEY BUT THIS PROTECTS ALL NAMES ON THIS TEXT FILE. Rameses: If it protects the names why are they all splashed over the world wide web for anyone to get ahold of? Shouldn't they be anonymized? It doesn't make sense... >AND JUST REMEMBER IT IS NOT OUR FAULT THAT YOU READ THE DIRECTIONS WRONG AND DID NOT RECEIVE ALL YOUR MONEY. The Liquidator: It's not your our fault you decided not to save with The Liquidator! Noooo...You just had to buy from this other guy... >IF YOU DID NOT SEND IN ONE DOLLAR TO EACH 5 NAMES THAT WILL MAKE IT Scar: I thought it was five dollars to each person...? Rameses: No...You're not paying attention again. I know it's confusing and stupid... >SO ALEX GREENWALD PLEASE FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY Frollo: *The Phantom of The Opera* OR A DISASTER BEYOND YOUR IMAGINATION WILL OCCUR! >THIS IS NOT SCAM REMEMBER........... Steelbeak: No, you're right. It's not a scam. It's a scheme. >ALSO PUT YOUR NAME AS #5 AND UPLOAD IT TO 10-100 BBS'S. Scar: Offer void in Manitoba. >DO NOT DELETE #'S 1-4 YOUR # IS 5!!!!!!! Steelbeak: All right, Mambo #5! >***************************************************************** DEAR PARTICIPANT, Rameses: There's a lot of dead bugs on the windshield... >THE WAY THIS WORKS HONESTLY IS THE MORE YOU SPREAD THE FILE AROUND THE MORE PEOPLE YOU GET TO DO THIS, WHICH MEANS THE MORE $$$$ YOU GET!! Frollo: With all the money this man has, you would think that he would get a new keyboard... >***************************************************************** Here are the names to send to: Scar: George Bush. Rameses: Jean Chretin! Steelbeak: Tony Blair. The Liquidator: Bill Clinton. Frollo: Phoebus. >1.Joe Fenske: The Liquidator: I am Joe and I am Canadian! >8892 Nuthatch Rd. St. Joe, MN 56374 Rameses: Well this Joe isn't Canadian...He's one of those Americans. >2.Roanld W. Grim: 2512 Canterbury RD. Baltimore Maryland 21234 Steelbeak: Fer a moment dere I taught it said 'Grime'. >3.Huey-Ping Hon: P. O. Box 2052, Norman, OK 73070 Scar: Well I just thought Mulan would have something to do with this! Rameses: *scoffs* Ping... >4.Swee-Joo Koay: 333 East Brooks St. #215, Norman, OK 73069 Frollo: I once knew a Mr. Koay. Steelbeak: You did? Frollo: Yes he was a lawyer... >5.Mike Espeseth: 123 Millstone Cove. Crestview, FL 32539 The Liquidator: Proud sponsor of The Liquidator's Bar and Grill! >********************************************************** Rameses: It's done, it's done, it's done! *all exit the theater* W.O.L - *The Warehouse of Love crew are gathered around a small table discussing various topics with one another* Scar: Yes, that was a very long MiSTing...And YES, I'm positive, I don't have fleas... Frollo: How can you be sure? Steelbeak: *Pinky* If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cared, why does he keep doing it? *Negaverse theme goes off* Rameses: Well, gotta see what The Sword and The Stone are up to...*leaves the group and walks up to the computer and clicks on the Negaverse Lair icon* Negaverse Lair - Negaduck: *grins evilly* Good evening, Mr. Bean! It's a full house here over at the Negaverse Lair. W.O.L - Rameses: So I see... Negaverse Lair - Negaduck: Yes, it's a *real* shame you aren't here! *Bushroot can be seen in the background getting chased by a runaway lawnmower as Quackerjack and Megavolt roll around on the floor laughing* Bushroot: *clings to Negaduck* Save me, Negaduck! It's gonna EAT ME!!! Negaduck: Get off of me...*peels off Bushroot* And who let the damn lawnmower in? Bushroot: Quackerjerk! Negaduck: Rrrrrr...If one of you knobs pushes my luck again, I'll be sending you to the Warehouse! Megavolt: *whines* But we do all the hard work! Quackerjack: All you do is watch them watch stuff! Negaduck: I'm observing their reactions, nimrod! *fires a gun at the lawnmower* Bushroot: *clings to Negaduck again* Kill it! Kill it! Negaduck: IwillIwillIwill! *keeps firing; the thing eventually "dies"* Hah-HAH! Quackerjack: *whines* Ohhh...That was my latest creation, too...*walks away sadly* Negaduck: *bangs his head against the wall* Loosers, loosers...LOOSERS! W.O.L - Rameses: Sometimes when I get really mad at the guys and they're arguing with one another I'll bash their heads together. Try it. Negaverse Lair - Negaduck: Whatever, DreamWorks boy...I gotta take an Aspirin...*gets up and leaves* W.O.L - Rameses: Alright, but I find Advil works better...*in the background Scar is beating up Steelbeak* Scar, leave Big Bird alone... Negaverse Lair - *Quackerjack is in the corner, crying while Bushroot and Megavolt engage in an argument over something* Megavolt: Oh YEAH? Bushroot: YEAH! Megavolt: Oh...Yeah? Bushroot: Yeah! Megavolt: Well I'll just see about that! Bushroot: Well I'd like to see you try! Megavolt: You've asked for it, Petunia! *points a finger at Bushroot and just as he releases an electric charge at him; Bushroot ducks and Megavolt ends up zapping the electricity box, cutting the power off of both the Negaverse and The Warehouse of Love* Bushroot: Nice going, Dipstick! Negaduck: Rrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaggggghh! *roll end credits*