| Chapter 10: "You're Quite an Odd Bunch" |
| Back at the hotel that night… The ten stumble back into the guys’ hotel room, laughing. Frankie- Dude and then when we were under the seats, Anna sneezed- Anna- I did not. Frankie- Well you had to have sneezed because- Later that night, at the hotel… The five couples stumble into the guys' hotel room, laughing quietly. Frankie- And then when we were under the seats, Anna sneezed- Anna- I did not. Frankie- Then why- Matt- (closing the door behind him as he and Meagan make their way over to the bed to sit down) Maybe some soda dripped on you your face or something. Frankie- No…I'm pretty sure it was mucus. Greg- Gross, dude. Jesse- Aw...I hate mucus. One time- Chris- Ok that’ll be enough., Jester. Jesse shrugs before seating himself on the floor near Matt’s feet. Amy- (sitting down next to Jesse) Mucus is a silly word. Mucus. Mucus! MUCUS! Meagan- DUDE! Tory- Amy, quit being so gross. Melissa- Well, if Anna didn’t sneeze, and Frankie felt something, then- Just then the door flies open, and in trails the faggish scent. John- Howdy, fellas!! Everyone in the room screams in horror. Greg and Chris dive under a bed, not realizing they are together. Greg thinks Chris is Melissa, and Chris thinks Greg is Tory. *Keep in mind, it’s pitch black under the bed* Tory seeks refuge behind one of Chris’s many suitcases in the corner of the room.. Melissa and Amy jump into the closet, slamming the door shut. Anna and Meagan sprint over and hide behind the curtains. Matt and Frankie shriek before lunging into the bathroom and locking the door. Jesse, not knowing what to do, looks around in horror before finally deciding to lock himself out on the balcony. One problem, he has forgotten to lock the door. John- (gazing around in shock) Gee, where did everybody go? *Under the bed* Chris reaches over and puts his arm around "Tory". Chris- (whispering) Don’t worry, sweetheart, everything will be ok- AH! What happened to your hair?? Greg- (leaning his head on "Melissa’s" shoulder) What do you mean, baby? It’s the same as always. Well, except for my highlights... Chris- Highlights? Oh yeah...your "golden highlights from the sun"... Greg- Actually, they’re from a kit...but uh, they could be from the sun if you like. (He grins and leans in closer till his head is on "Melissa’s" chest) Geez, uh...you’re a little flat today... Chris- Um...thanks...I am a guy. Greg- WHAT?! Chris- WHAT?! Just then, John approaches the bed, having heard the shrieks. John- What’s goin’ on under there? (He lifts up the bedskirt to see Greg and Chris cuddling) Oh, heh, I understand. Go right on ahead their, boys. Greg and Chris- Huh? (They look at what they assume is their girlfriend) AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chris- DUDE!!!!!!!! Greg-DUDE!!!!!!!! Melissa and Tory- DUDE?! *Behind the curtains* Anna- Is Greg hitting on Chris? Meagan- Or is Chris hitting on Greg? They start to laugh. John- Huh? Who’s back there? Anna and Meagan- AH! (They clutch each others arms, dreading the moment when-) John pulls open the curtains. John- Oh...heh heh. I see...you are quite an odd bunch. Meagan and Anna separate, clearing their throats and brushing themselves off. Anna- Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout- Meagan- FAG. Anna- Right. *In the bathroom* Frankie- Ah...all alone. Matt- Ehm.... Frankie- Uh, how’d I get stuck in here with you? Matt- You...stuck? What about me? Frankie- Riiight. Matt- (sitting down on the closed toilet seat) Mm hmm, nice, nice. Frankie- (touching the faucet) Yes, nice fixtures. Matt- Not bad for a Hyatt. Frankie- I agree. Matt- It’s funny...but with all the hotels I’ve been to, I’ve never stopped to observe the finer things...like bathroom objects. Frankie- Hey, same here, man. Check out how the maids fold the toilet paper...what a cute little triangle. Matt- Oh, I know. Dude, we shouldn’t use this toilet paper. It’s too special. Frankie- Right. Promise you won’t use it? Matt- Yeah! You? Frankie- Yep. They shake hands, and there is a long pause. Frankie- Uh...Matt? Matt- Yeah, Frank? Frankie- What are we gonna use? Matt- Oh, yeah. Good point. I suppose we could buy another roll. John has been listening to the whole conversation through the door. John- (breaking down the door) Well, you could use leaves. Matt and Frankie scream and grab onto each other. Matt- Get away! Frankie- Go home, nature boy! John- Ooh, that’s clever. No one’s ever called me that before. I’m so blessed to have you guys as pals. (He walks over and embraces the two helpless guys) Matt and Frankie- AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *On the balcony* Jesse has fallen asleep on the chaise lounge, and he smiles in his slumber as he dreams about candy. John walks over and knocks on the sliding door, before pulling it open and stepping outside. John- Well, hey there, Jester! Jesse- (half asleep) Yeah, mom? John- (smiles to himself as he sits on the edges of the chaise lounge) Aw, you are so cute. Jesse- Huh? (Opens his eyes) AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He leaps up to run back inside) John- Wait, wait a second there, little fella! (He puts his arm across the doorframe) Jesse- Ah! Let me in, Uniball! John- Wait, don’t you want some fresh air? Jesse- Once you came out, I could kiss the fresh air goodbye. John- Hey...what’s that supposed to me- Jesse slides under John’s arm, accidently knocking over Chris’s suitcase. Tory is left huddling there with no shield to protect her from the fag. John- Oh, there you are! Your boyfriend’s gettin’ frisky under the bed over there! Tory- (looks up with a jolt) Huh?! AHH!!!!!! *In the closet* Amy- Hey look Melissa...(she puts a hanger in her hair) BOO! Melissa- Uh...nice. Amy- Haha I know. I am too funny. Melissa- Oh yeah. Hilarious, Amy. Amy- You know it! Just then the mirrored doors fly open. Amy and Melissa- AHH!!!!!!!!!!!! John- Hey, gals! Melissa grabs the broom next to her and begins whacking John upside the head. John doesn’t feel a thing. Amy- How do you not feel that?! Melissa lowers the broom in disgust Melissa- Must be the hair. Amy- (whispering to Melissa) I have an idea. (Yelling) Jesse, get your gun! Jesse- Don’t you mean Annie? John- Huh? GUN?! Chris- That’s right, John. We’re gonna blow your faggish hair off. Just then, Jesse comes strolling over, his taped-up shotgun in hand. John- Oh no...fellas, I didn’t mean anything by this! I’m sorry I scared ya! Greg- (staring off into space and mumbling) It’s too late for that, John. Meagan- Your time has come. Tory- You’re gonna get what you deserve now. John- (shaking visibly) I...uh...I’m....I’m SORRY! (He falls to the ground in sobs, clutching Melissa’s legs) Melissa- Ugh! Get off me! John- Melissa, come to the fire with me. Now that Greg has officially cheated on you, you’ll be much happier with me. Melissa- WHAT?!?!?!? Greg- I-huh-wait...NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just then, John jumps to his feet, swings Melissa over his shoulder, and takes off down the hallway. Greg- (lowers his head in his hands) No...not AGAIN! *** Once safely in the elevator, John removes his trusty rope from his back pocket and once again ties Melissa up to a loan wheelchair sitting in the elevator. John- Now we can be together...FOREVER! Melissa- NOoOoOoOo.... *** *Back in the hotel room...* Matt and Frankie enter the room once again. All the remaining couples embrace, glad to be together...and alive. Greg paces the room, furious. Matt- Hey man, your life sucks. Chris- Yeah, sorry about that. Greg- (stops abruptly, turning to face Chris) This is ALL YOUR FAULT! Chris- Huh? What did I do? Greg- If you hadn’t been hitting on me under that bed... Meagan- (turning to Anna) See? I told you. Anna- Well... They laugh. Greg storms over to Chris and raises an arm, but is delayed by Tory. Tory- You can’t TOUCH him!!!!!! Greg- Move, Tory. This doesn’t concern you. Tory- It does now. You tried to hurt my Christopher! Chris- Aw, that’s my girl. Frankie- Greg, chill out. This isn’t anyone’s fault. Anna- Well, it is John’s fault. Matt- Yes, that is quite true. Meagan- What isn’t? Greg- *sniffle* Melissa used to say that... Jesse- Oh...is Greg crying? Amy- Yes...I think so! Greg- (clears his throat) No. Uh uh. Chris- Well, atleast he didn’t take one of the other girls. Greg turns to Chris and gives an evil look before tackling him to the ground. Chris- AH! Tory- Ah! Get off of him! Jesse- Cool! A fight! Wait for meeee! (He leaps on top of Greg) Frankie and Matt look at each other and shrug. Amy- Jesse! Don’t do that! The three boys continue to wrestle, as Greg pins both Chris and Jesse. Chris- Ouch! Greg, my hair... Jesse- My butt! Greg- Too bad. Alteast John didn’t snatch your girlfriend! Chris- (muttering) Yeah...I know. Jesse- Yep...well, sucks to be you, huh? Greg tightens his pin on Jesse. Jesse- Greg, haha...I was joking! Amy- What?! Jesse, a real cheerleader wouldn’t do that! Jesse- (struggling to talk) What? Anna- Well, you are wasting time if you want to go look for Melissa. Matt- (grabbing Meagan’s hand) We’ll go get the cars. Meagan- Maybe then you’ll be done fighting like children. The two leave the room, stepping over the boys. Tory- (crossing her arms) Chris, get up. Chris- I...can’t...OW! Greg- Weakling. (He stands up and walks over to the closet to grab his shoes) Chris stands up, brushing himself off and running to the mirror to adjust his hair. Jesse lays motionless on the carpet. Jesse- Ow... Amy- Jesse, get up. Honestly. Anna- (kneeling beside him) Are you ok? Jesse- Uh... Frankie- Oh, Anna, he’s fine. Anna- Ok, well it’s not like Amy cares about him. Poor thing. Amy- WHAT?! I DO care about my Jesse! Amy runs over and hugs Jesse, lifting him up off the ground. Jesse- Wow…I feel like Jesus… The others look at him strangely. Chris- You wish, Jesse. The seven remaining teens make their way to the parking lot, where the convertible and the Diablo are waiting. Frankie- Ok guys, here we go again. The group separates and everyone gets into a car. Matt, Tory, Chris, and Amy are in one car, while Meagan, Anna, Frankie, Jesse, and Greg are right behind them in the other. In Matt’s car… Amy- (riding shotgun) Man…why did me and Jesse get split up? We are the only ones who have to suffer. Matt clears his throat. Amy- Oh…yeah. Amy turns her head to find Tory and Chris are asleep in the back seat slumped on each other. Amy- (putting a hand on Matt’s shoulder) Well Matt, I guess it’s just you and me. Matt- (sarcastically) Whoop de doo. In Meagan’s car… Jesse is in the front seat, while Greg, Anna, and Frankie are in the back. Jesse- (fiddling with the radio, as no sound is coming out) You don’t get good reception in this thing. Meagan- Well, Jesse, normally when I want to listen to the radio, I turn it on. (She presses the power button and music comes on) Jesse- Oh… Anna- Good one, Jess. Frankie- If only Matt was here instead of Jesse, it would be perfect. Jesse- That’s very sweet of you, Frankis. Meagan- How do you mean? Frankie- Well, then we’d have the three Italians. Greg- Huh? Jesse- Matt is not Italian. He’s…he’s Swedish or something. Anna- Nah…he’s Italian. Greg- Oh yeah, my Italian brothers! Meagan- Oh that’s right! Well., he has to be atleast 1% Italian… Frankie- Right. Jesse- Yeah right, guys. *** Meanwhile, in John’s car… John sings along loudly to the Oldies, blaring on his junky radio. John- “Honey…aw suga suga…” Melissa- (chewing on her ropes) God help me… John- “You are my candy girl…(he turns to Melissa as the car swerves on and off the road) and you got me wanting you!” Melissa- JOHN! John- Yes, Pretty Momma? (Turns back to the road) AH!! John attempts to turn the car back into course, instead crashing it into a tree. *** In Matt’s car… Amy- (reading Matt’s registration in his glove compartment) Matthew Samuel Ballinger…(turning to Matt) Say Matt, how did you think of your name? Matt- Uh…I didn’t. Amy- Then who did? Oh my god…do you not have a name? I am so sorry. Matt- Amy! I have a name. My parents named me. Amy- Funky…(she turns on the radio, as it blares the Red Hot Chili Peppers) Chris and Tory wake up with a start. Chris- Huh…what? Tory- AH Chris, help! Matt- (yelling over the music) Amy turn that down! Amy- (dancing in her seat) No, I am GROOVIN’! Chris- Stupid, you can’t “groove” to this music. You need *NSYNC… Matt- AW, hell no… Tory- How ‘bout we play a little BSB? Matt- How ‘bout no… Chris reaches under the seat, pulling out his secret stash of CDs that he keeps in Matt’s car- just in case- and puts in his beloved *NSYNC CD. Chris- (singing along) “Sick and tired of hearin’ all these people talk about…” Amy- Oh my god…I know this! This was a song from our cheerleading routine at competition!!!!! Tory- Oh…great… Amy joins in singing with Chris as Matt struggles to not punch him. In Meagan’s car… Jesse- I think Matt might be Danish… Frankie- (rolls his eyes with a chuckle) Right, Jess… Meagan- Dude…he’s SO Italian. Anna- Oh, I know. Jesse- ANYWAY… Greg- Guys…where’s Melissa? Anna- Oh, she’s in Mexico. Jesse- Really? Then we’re goin’ the wrong way…we have to turn around! Frankie- She was kidding. Jesse- Right. Meagan- (yawns) It’s like one thirty…I’m tired… Frankie- Well, don’t you dare fall asleep at the wheel… *** Back at the hotel, Mrs. Raposo and Mrs. McCartney search the guys’ room for the…well, the guys. Mrs. Raposo- They’re…(she gasps) GONE! Mrs. McCartney- (collapses onto the bed) Oh no…what have we done? Mrs. Raposo- I’m calling Louie, he’ll know what to do. (She picks up the phone, dialing Louie’s room number) Louie- (sleepily) Hello…? Mrs. Raposo- Lou? It’s Maryann. Louie- Oh, uh…hello…what can I do for you? Mrs. Raposo- (glances at a picture of Greg from her flipbook she keeps in her purse) The boys…they’re… Mrs. McCartney leaps up off the bed and snatches the phone from Mrs. Raposo. Mrs. McCartney- The boys are gone! They’re nowhere!! Louie- What?! They’re gone? They can’t be! Wait…I just saw a man walk in the hotel…he was about 6’ and had tall, dark brown hair… Mrs. McCartney’s eyes widen. |