New Teaching Faculty Hired!

I was sitting in my high school class one day, paying absolutely no attention, when I had a sudden realization. Our high school teachers are sadly lacking in one critical area. They are highly gifted educators, but there are no cute male teachers. This is a serious problem for those of us who like to sit in the back of the class and daydream. We are forced to use our own imaginations to populate the world with handsome men. How much easier it would be if they were already there, teaching the class. And even better if many have a mellifluous British variety accent, so pleasing to the ear. Here are my recommendations for a much improved high school faculty, with photographs and captions to prove their suitability for a particular teaching job. Just picture these handsome faces staring at you from the front of the classroom. Sigh . . .Those of you who are no longer in high school can imagine them as your coworkers or something.

--An ordinary high school. By Rio Tereshkova

Mr. Brosnan is to teach Irish History and a style course for boys so they can be as dashing as James Bond.

Mr. Gibson is to teach Australian History and Hamlet Studies.

Mr. R. Taylor will be European History instructor and Assistant Instrumental Music Director.

Mr. LeBon will teach French and be Vocal Music Director.

Mr. J. Taylor has been hired as Instrumental Music Director as well as British Literature instructor.

Mr. Branagh has been selected as Drama Director and Shakespearean Literature teacher.

Mr. Cruise is the new gym coach, and he will also take Personal Survival, easily the most boring course offered.

Mr. Thorpe is to be swimming and gym coach.

Mr. Rhodes will take the vocational courses in Cosmetology, Nail Design, and Hair Design.

Mr. Ford will teach Driver's Education and Automotive Mechanics, with an emphasis on the as-yet-undeveloped Corellian Pirateship.

Makes school a lot more exciting, huh? The end of the day would be a disappointment instead of an eagerly-awaited escape. Now if only my English teacher looked like John Taylor. . .