Monday, January 26th, 2004 - Not So Job-less

The title may be confusing - no, I didn't get a job yet, although I am now resorting to applying for on-campus jobs. Hopefully this will yield better results than the job hunt has so far up here. Actually, the title is a reference to Job ("jobe") in the Old Testament, who was named after the book of the Bible that tells his story (or maybe the other way around).

Job in a nutshell: he has everything, great faith in God/family/health/material wealth. God allows him to be tested by letting Satan take everything away from him but his life. Job goes through torment and anguish but never turns from God the whole time. God answers Job's "what did I do wrong?" speech with an awesome dramatic way to say "I'm God, you're not, zip it." Job admits his humble position, glorifying God, so God responds by restoring everything back to him and even more.

Although my struggles are tiny in comparison, I not-so-humbly related them to those of Job. My experience in Duluth has been a stripping away of all the close friendships and people I hold dear, and I feel that the persistent theme has been "just me and God... He's all I have left." There are some definite wrong paths of thinking here, and through reading the last few chapters in Job again today, God revealed so much to me.

First, it isn't nearly as bad as I have made it out to be in my mind. God has provided so many ways for me to grow in fellowship of which I haven't embraced. I mean seriously Doug... you're in 3 Christian groups on campus, in 2 Bible Studies, have an awesome Crusade Staff Worker to disciple you, and a few awesome people of God as acquaintances whom you're afraid to get close to just because you're leaving Duluth. As for the last one, God told me a quote that someone must have said sometime before: "Anticipating only the joys of tomorrow involves missing out on the joys of today."

One way how I have been like Job, however, is that I have been selfish and questioned God's workings. Through Job's story, God reminded me of his sovereignty over all and His faithfulness in allowing struggles as a method of refining faith, ultimately drawing me closer to Him. In short, God showed me how much that I've been whack; how much I've taken the wrong perspective and outlook on things, especially in the last 3 months or so.

I have been really undisciplined in spending time with God for probably a good 2 months, ever since I mentally fell apart some time around Thanksgiving. Christmas break was awesome in how God showed Himself to me through again seeing people whom I love and care for so much. He has continued to be faithful in chiseling away at all the walls and blockades that I have laid in between Him and me during this time of defiant ignorance. I praise Him that He charges after me like the shepherd searching for the 1 sheep out of 99. I am so overwhelmed by Him, His majesty, His glorious beauty!

So yeah, it's been pretty rough for quite awhile, but finally I'm letting my guard down and surrendering to the Holy One. I know that this is a direct result of all the prayers from you who have been interceding on my behalf, and for that I greatly thank you. I will only quickly tangent to inform anyone who reads this that today (Monday) we received 25 inches of snow, so school was cancelled for a snow day. A snow day in college... only in Duluth. May all the glory go to God for all that He is and not just for what He does!

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