Thursday, February 19th, 2004 - Too Laid Back?

I just met with Ryan, the staff worker with Campus Crusade for Christ up here in Duluth - we meet once a week for discipleship. He said something to me today that is one of the most profound truths in my life and relationship with God: "Doug, you would be dangerous if you had direction in your life; if you were driven." Whoa - I know that God is speaking to me there without a doubt. And he meant dangerous in a good way, as in effective. :)

Anyone who has known me for a period of time knows that I am a "go with the flow" kind of person - I take things as they are and rarely think about trying to change them. As a result, I've never had a focus or drive in my life; I've never been a dreamer or had visions. To be brutally honest, I've rarely even cared about this or that, not much ever really mattered to me unless it explicitly involved my relationship with God. For example, my future - I've never cared what my career (if any) will be, what school I go to, if I get married or not, if I die young or grow really old. Nothing like that has ever mattered to me.

I think that I knew it all along, but through discipleship today, God really spoke to me and made it obvious that I need to have direction/vision/focus. I don't think it is good at all to possess the characteristics of a "go where the wind blows" personality, at least to the large extent that I do. God is not a floatsam God, so we are not called to be floatsam people. I think that He has made it clear in the Bible that we should be driven in all that we do, seeking to praise God through it all.

So this is definitely a huge stronghold in my life - I have a long way to go with God before I become that type of person. I have become so extremely indecisive that I change my mind every day on what I'm going to do this summer and where I'm going to go next fall. I did, however, make a decision to go to Big Break over spring break. This is a mission trip through Crusade to Panama City Beach to reach college students who are looking to the party scene for happiness. I think this will be a big challenge to completely rely on God because I can't relate to partiers at all - I never went through the partying stage in life. I also have to write letters for financial support because I can't afford to go on the trip.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of meditating on different questions that have come to mind, but I have waited to blog them until I receive revelations on them. I have consulted many great Christian friends on some topics, and I thank all of you who have contributed ideas - God has spoken through many of you. I will surely blog them as they come to fruition. For now, I can tell you that the main question deals with Jesus and the Pharisees and how that relates to evangelism today.

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