Tuesday, October 7th, 2003 - Practicing Communion With God

The most recent big change in my relationship with God came in the last couple weeks. A friend of mine showed me the book "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, a guy who lived back in the 17th century. Brother Lawrence describes "communion with God" as he lived it; he explains his thought processes in striving for this (something I have also desired, as I think many Christians do). Communion with God can mean many things and can be done many ways, but when I use the term here, I attribute it to talking with God throughout the entire day - a continual conversation amidst any circumstance.

I was completely broken before this whole process happened; God had stripped away everything that I held on to and held close to prepare me to be receptive to this change. I was off at a new college, after transferring, where I knew no one before going. I was in a wallow of loneliness and ignorance of God's voice for a few days, which was actually a very crucial time because that's what it took to get my attention and to help me to let go of useless idols that distracted me.

I woke up one morning about a week ago, and I took all of my burdens to God, finally. I sat down in my papasan chair and confessed all of my sins/screwups/shortcomings... so much that had been built up. It took a couple days to forgive myself and allow God to completely wash me of all that. But back to that day, God started talking to me and giving me impressions (most likely as He had already been doing, just this time I was listening to Him). He told me to start reading the Brother Lawrence book, so I opened it up.

I read about this Brother Lawrence guy and how his job in life was a cook and dishwasher. He was a cook in a monastery in the 17th century, and he tells of his thoughts on how he strived for communion with God and what God taught him through it all. It was so amazing and inspiring; God spoke to my heart through his words and that is how He began to teach me the practice of His presence.

So, what did I actually do? I grabbed my towel and shower stuff and thanked God for the strength to walk to the bathroom and the availability of those facilities in my dorm building. I thanked Him for physical cleanliness and asked Him that He would clean my heart and my mind as well to prepare me for this new day. I told Him how much I love Him and that I take joy in His love and His character, no matter what was to happen to me today.

I went my whole day like that - talking to God (in my mind, not always out loud) as I walked down the halls to class, to the dining center, to the bathroom. I praised and adored Him throughout the day wherever I went and chose joy in Christ over all other alternative thought paths. This is what I mean when I use the term "communion with God" and it was something I had never experienced to this degree before. It is only by God's grace and will that I am able to live like this; nothing in my own strength allows me such complete communion with God - all credit should and must go to God for this transformation and its continuance.

My life has changed since then. Yes, in the last week, my life has changed... dramatically! The source of almost all of my struggles in the past has been my own thought that whenever I went a day and didn't have my "time spent with God" in the Word and prayer, that I had somehow failed that day. I judged by an inaccurate standard; instead of examining my soul and being confident of my identity in Christ, I examined my works and habits in my spiritual discipline. I knew this was incorrect, but it wasn't until I experienced this new change that I realized my fault.

How has my life changed? In so many ways. I no longer schedule a "God time" during my day and rely on that time to connect with God. Instead, through communion with Him, God tells me through His Spirit when to take time out of whatever I may be doing to spend time with Him in the Word or time in petition. Actually, it seems that He has been telling me to spend time in the Word at the very times that I would have scheduled it anyway, but not always. Sometimes He just tells me to sit still and listen to Him encourage me and strengthen me, sometimes He tells me to go on Instant Messenger on the internet and express to my friends how much I love them, sometimes He tells me to wait because someone is about to call... and then the phone rings.

No matter what the situation, I just converse and listen to God with what He wants me to do next. It is something I have desired for so long, and God blessed me with experiencing it. So many sins that I have struggled with over and over in the past have come up again in the form of thoughts, but since I was talking to God at the time, He completely rebuked those thoughts per my request and held me close while He reassured that He's not letting me go. Satan is panicking and attacking me with whatever He can, and while sometimes this hurts for a short moment, I look up to Christ and find joy in His redemption of my soul. It is a strange feeling hearing Satan's impressions and still having complete joy in Christ... this is something I've been praying about for a long time and God has begun to show me how to not dwell on bad thoughts and struggles, but to take heart and have joy that God is building me up into the man of God that He created me to be.

I know that this is a big change, yet I don't think I truly realize how enormous it really is. God has taken favor in blessing us, and although I don't completely understand how His love can be so great, I praise Him forevermore for who He is.

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