It's still January as I write this and this has been one month for me! Wondering are you? Well it's simple to explain.
I saw my Psychologist a few days ago and he gave me the option of coming in again for another session or trying it on my own for awhile. I chose the later,he reminded me that Feb would be a rough month for me since it would be the first anniversary of me loosing my husband along with Valentines Day and my birthday. I told him I'd "Like to walk alone" and see what happens. Of course I am free to call him if I need to and he will keep in phone contact with me for awhile.
Now where do these wonderful people come from. How many problems do they carry on their shoulders in their private lives along with those of their patiences? Make one wonder!
I only have my problems...lucky me but working with him I have learned to calm down and take one step at a time. I learned to organize myself. I have a place to put the bills, and a certain date to write the checks and a day for the bank and postoffice. I write down when I have to order meds and which ones, I also write down simple household tasks in my date book..I am getting organized mentally.
I have learned that it's ok to laugh, to cry and to miss my husband,but mostly to let the boys walk their roads alone until they ask for my help. Grieving never stops, it gets easier. You learn to live with it and yes certain things spark memories, but that's ok too. If I want to talk to him that's ok too, and sometimes I do cuss him out!
Anger..no, why should I be angry, no reason I can see. It was his time to go home and that's that. Acceptance that he is gone, almost there. A sound at the door makes me turn my head and just that fast I know he isn't walking in that door.
I finally was able to strip his bed and remake it and I am starting to go through his clothes. Why should they lay in the drawers and go to waste when many people can use them? Foolish and he I know would agree.
I learned many years ago on Selfridge St that life goes on no matter what. In the "Lion King" they refer to it as the circle of life. They hit the nail on the head.
My life is very different with out him now but it would have been awful had we not met, married, had a family and made memories, yesterdays memories are "December Roses" I think of something and smile to myself. Well that's what life is all about.