Project:  Boy Band

I recently had a revelation.  Here I am, 19 and working endlessly for the man barely earning over minimum wage while a select few are earning seven figures singing pointless songs to mindless teenage girls.  Well, I want to beat the principle of capitalism to death too.  I can't exactly sing, so I am going to form my own "boy band."  It worked for that fat guy so it can work for me too.  Creating, nay, manufacturing a boy band is as easy as it is quick.  Here are the steps in forming a "boy band":

Step 1:  The basic boy band structure.  All boy bands need a few similar aspects.  First off, you'll need boys, or their reasonable facsimiles if necessary.  They must be under the age of 25 and over the age of the 2nd trimester.  Be sure that their first names have no more than 2 syllables.  Initials are even better.  Avoid any ethnicity, as asians, blacks, and hispanics tend to worry parents. Step 2:  The songs.  In order to woo that precious $15 out of mom's purse the group will need music.  This is perhaps the easiest step.  Boy band music needs not to be insightfull, meaningfull, or even interesting but it must be upbeat, easily choreographed, and so mindnumbingly simple as to stick in your head until you are forced into buying the CD.  Never, ever, ever let the band write their own songs.  Any good boy band businessman knows that they are paid for their looks, not for their "input into the workings of the band." Step 3:  The marketing.  Essential into getting your band noticed by the idiotic swarms of teeny boppers is MTV.  With enough capital investment MTV will convince the viewing public that your band is the "hottest new act of the millenia."  Even if your group is lipsyncing badly editted William Shatner spoken word albums, little girls will believe whatever Carson Daly says. Step 4:  The success.  This is where you get to sit back and watch the millions come rolling in.  As long as your boy band doesn't lose their hair and avoid any diviation from the first 3 steps your future as "Untalented Shmoe Pimp" is secure. Step 5:  The bailout.  As with all puppet masters, your creations will eventually rebel and go on to explore their "talent."  Fear not.  Being the shrewd boy band business man that you are you did, of course, remember to add that clause in the band's contract that pays you a 95% royalty on all future projects until the end of time.  So while the boys are writing sitcom theme songs, landing themselves in jail, or simpy fading into obscurity you are lounging poolside content in knowing your future is bright thanks to your cleverness, the almighty record industry, and some republican tax cuts to the upper class.