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The Junction NewsWire

October 8th 2000

Volume 1, Issue 1

Tipper Gore Reveals the Fantastic Secret Behind Al's Campaign Vigor - (JN) Tipper Gore,wife of Democratic Presidential Nominee and U.S. Vice President Al Gore, revealed the secret behind Vice President Al Gore's vigorous campaign efforts.

"Al has been so alive lately, I think this is just wonderful how Al has been so energetic since I have been slipping him 2 or 3 Viagra tablets every evening," the Presidential candidate's wife was overheard talking to Hadassah Lieberman, wife of Gore's running mate U.S. Senator Joe Lieberman.

Although the Vice President categorically denied he had ever used viagra and that "I have always been able to perform well," several campaign workers close to the Vice President have verified his youthful behavior on the campaign trail.

"Not only has daddy been more active lately, but he has also been very frisky. I think I caught him grabbing momma's ass the other day," Karenna Gore Schiff stated.

Mrs. Schiff went on to explain that she had not seen the Vice President act like this since the early 1980's, "before momma burnt daddy's stash of Playboys and Penthouse magazines."

Several Gore staffers have also been heard discussing how they could stop the Democratic Nominee from walking around with that silly 'I got laid' smirk on his face.

Jennifer Gooch, a minor campaign worker, while guzzling beer at a local bar in Southern Florida, mumbled concerns of how this could possibly ruin the Democratic hold on the Lincoln Bedroom, as she was help down off of the table.

Ms. Gooch also stated "I think the old biddy actually likes being groped in public," speaking of the frivolous public display of affection Vice President Gore has poured out on his wife.

Although it has not been substantiated, it is believed that Tipper Gore got the Viagra tablets off of an internet auction similiar to the popular eBay.

When reached for comment, Governor George W. Bush, Republicain Nominee, only replied "Fuzzy math," and continued to hug babies and kiss old ladies.

President Clinton, speaking at convention of pharmaceutical executives, demonstrated the dynamic enhancement the recent developments have had on the Democratic bid to maintain control of the coveted Lincoln Bedroom.

Senator John McCain (R-AZ), although a bit beat up, stated that he had tried Viagra only one time, "last night, and now look at me, I was a wildman. We need to ban this stuff. Look what happened to me."

"The politics today have become very dangerous with all of the big money, wild parties, and Viagra," Senator McCain continued to explain.