| Artisans of the musical spoon |
| This is the story of one of the greatest bands of our era, SALOON - originally called Artisans Of The Musical Spoon (AOTMS ), formed when all members attending their weekly Calpoholics Anonymous ( for those addicted to childrens medication ) meeting found solace in music and the rest is PROG ROCK HISTORY!!! |
| Memberography |
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| Mike was born into a wealthy family of Maldovan Fig merchants. At the age of six, he composed his first sonnett, "Paradise Amongst The Fig Trees", but soon found himself disillusioned with poetry, and took up the bassoon instead. Ozzy Ozbourne, interviewed together with his long term lover, Wendy Richards from Eastenders in Menopause Weekly , was reported as saying "Mike's love affair with the lute has been well documented by the worlds press, but not a lot of people know that he's actually a fully trained and inaugurated Carthaginian Love Monk". |
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| Amanda is the resullt of a botched attempt to create the perfect soldier. She boasts arms not unlike those of a silverback gorilla, and in having the physical strength to tear a car door off its hinges has proved invaluable in protecting the bands equipment during street riots between their fans and those of arch-rivals, Earth, Wind and Fire. When asked, her creator, Dr Botnos told us "She's one of my more successful experiments, much better than my cactus panther, which spent its short life mostly dead" |
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| Costos "el gecko" Costanza, is wanted for paramillitary activision, in no less than one country! One time Haberdasher, Costos, became a vigilante baker hell-bent upon ridding the world of velcro! In a recent interview with Guerilla Almanac reporter,Sanchez de Torro Fabio Fabio Fabio, el gecko confessed to the recent brutal murder of Clarks Shoes C.E.O, Maxell Cd-r 74 XL-s! When asked why he simply oscillated his eye balls independantly of one another, in a fantasticly disorientating display of occular malevolence . |
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| Matt Ashton's FACTORIUM! Name: Boris Van der Hecterbonne Race : Inter-galactic Space lizard Age :UNKNOWN (possibly 3 - 12 Parsec's) Weapon of choice : Mystical pool cue of infinite length NB. Quadraplatic Duck |
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| Slug enthusiast Alison, of West Bromwich Albion, isn't actually in the band. She just turned up at a photo shoot one day, dressed as a slug (see photo) and nobody had the heart to pour salt on her. Though mostly useless, arthropodic Alison comes into her own when eating lettuces in the garden, early in the morning, and at being scared of small green pellets. She one day hopes to have a brittle shell of her own, but until then is content to dwell under stones and in discarded watering cans, the homeless vagrant of the garden's ecosystem |