I paused typing long enough to glower over my shoulder at Jeffy-muse. "Hush...I'm just getting to the good part!" Returning to pounding away at the keyboard.
Jeffy-muse huffed, reclining on my pillow with an indignant look on his face. "Good part? The whole damn story is about me lustin' after Matty...who, though cute, is hardly mah type anyway. Ah much prefer Adam...can't Ah have Adam??" He gave Adam-muse (who was perched on top of my bookshelf) a wink.
I sighed heavily. "You had Adam last story...now shut up so I can concentrate!"
Hopping off my pillow, Jeffy-muse (who is just 5 inches tall like all my musi) came trotting down the bed where I lay on my stomach, typing away. He peered at the laptop screen, then flopped down, rolling his eyes. "You're makin' me angsty again...you promised Ah could be fluffy soon!"
I was pretty close to strangling the little rat at this point, but admirably restrained myself. "I know...I promise, fluff next time, angst now, ok? Now *please*, if you're not gonna help me with this, can you just sit quietly?"
A smooth, silky voice laughed from atop my dresser. "Sit quietly?? Are you new here? That little skittle-head wannabe can't sit still for more than 2.5 seconds, let alone quietly."
I glanced up at Jericho-muse, grinning. "I know. But one can dream, right?"
Just then, Hunter-muse stalked menacingly through the bedroom door...though the entrance was somewhat less than impressive considering he *was* only 5 inches tall...5.5 inches if you ask him. He narrowed his eyes up at me.
"Hey...girlie. These little queens may not mind playing both sides of the field, but not me! So you can just get that out of your head right now, got it?"
I widened my eyes innocently down at him. "Hunter...I wouldn't *dream* of slashing you..."
He snorted, smirking sexily. "Uh-huh...don't think I haven't seen that little file you have stashed away marked "Hunter slash ideas"...and I'm just telling you now...I an't gonna do it. Period."
I grinned. "I know...which is why a special new muse has joined us...everyone, meet Slashy-Hunter!"
And out from behind me, wearing a vaguely Jericho-ish silver spangly shirt and painted on pleather pants, pranced Slashy-Hunter-muse, looking just as pretty as the day he was born...which was two days ago, actually.
Hunter-muse stared in disbelief at his effeminate doppelganger, then leveled a seriously intimidating glare on me...I actually had to remind myself that a 5 inch tall muse was nothing to be afraid of.
"Now, Hunter...I said I wouldn't slash *you*...I said nothing about slashing an alternate you." I tried to reason with him as Hunter-muse began to do that shaking/snarling thing he does so well.
Before he had a chance to say or do anything however, another muse appeared from inside my bedside table drawer. I stared as a rather dusty, bedraggled Wolverine *snikt* out his claws and used them to slice free of the cobwebs encasing him.
"Hey bub...who the hell are all these little pricks? An' where's Marie??" He glowered menacingly at me, though the effect was ruined by the sneezing fit that took over due to the layers of dust covering him.
"Logan...I honestly don't know where Marie is...maybe she's with Remy?"
Oh, that was the wrong thing to say, as he immediately gave a low growl, swung to the floor and went racing off into the living room in search of his beloved Rogue and that damn Cajun.
Hunter-muse, momentarily distracted by the mutant streaking past him, quickly regained his bearings and swung back around to face me, back to snarling at me and the too-sweet Slashy-Hunter-muse, who was currently sidling up to Jeffy-muse with a decidedly lusty look on his face.
Hunter-muse glared at me. "Now, look, girlie...I've been about as goddamn patient with you as I can...didn't I do your girl Venus right for all those months as her sugar-daddy in the Real World (tm)? *This* is how you repay me??"
Damn him, I was actually starting to feel a little guilty, so I snatched up Slashy-Hunter-muse and tucked him safely away in my backpack, despite his squealing protests and declarations of love for Jeffy-muse.
"I'm sorry, Hunter...see, I put him away...he's not gonna be used for a while anyway. I'm a little preoccupied with Matt/Jeff fics right now."
As if on cue, Matt-muse crawled out from beneath the bed and climbed up next to Jeffy-muse. I smiled down at him, in all his 1999/2000 Hardy Boyz lovliness...none of that ridiculous Mattitude for my musi, oh no!
As I and the other musi looked on, Matt-muse cuddled up to Jeffy-muse, gazing adoringly up at him.
"Ah know it's wrong, and illegal, and immoral and all, but Jeffy...Ah love you, Ah love you to pieces..."
"Awwww..." said in unison by all
Jeffy-muse sighed, gave a last, wistful, longing look at Adam-muse, then smiled that beautiful smile at Matt-muse. "Ah love you too...an' Ah don't care what the world thinks of our love...we're meant for each other, Matty!"
Sensing those two would need some privacy, I discreetly pulled the blanket up to cover them, giving them some alone time.
With things beginning to quiet down, I returned to the computer, trying to recapture the idea-thread I'd been hanging onto before all this started.
No such luck, as Adam-muse dropped down off the bookshelf to land directly on my keyboard (hjhajkhfjkahsmfnms), flashing his trademark toothy grin up at me. Ah hell, I melted, as I always did, he really was irresistible.
He tilted his head up at me. "Hey..."
Is it sick and wrong to get a belly-jump from a muse? Cuz I did. "Hey..."
Plopping down square on the space bar, he folded his long (for a muse) legs under him. "So, if Jeff's with Matt..." a pointed look at the indiscreetly moaning lump under the blanket, "And Slashy-Hunter's been shelved, and we all know you aren't using Hunter-muse for any het fics right now...where does that leave me??"
An indignant huff from the dresser. "What the hell am I, Edge-ward...chopped liver??" Jericho-muse flipped his hair (I never allowed Jericho-muse to wear a braid or ponytail). "You should be so lucky, jerky, I'm a HUGE rock star!"
Adam-muse raised his brows. "Dude, you're 5 inches tall...huge is *not* the word I'd be using if I were you."
That effectively silenced Jericho-muse...for the moment anyway, as he tried to think of a really witty comeback.
Adam-muse turned back to me, looking up at me with a rather forlorn look on his pretty face. "What if you forget about me? I mean...with the real life version of me gone for a whole year..." he began to sob, wiping his eyes on my shirtsleeve, "I don't wanna end up like that adamantium guy...all dusty and forgotten."
I felt tears well in my own eyes, scooping wee Adam-muse up in my hands and snuggling him against my neck. "Oh...baby doll...I won't forget you! How could I?" I pointed to the lifesize poster of his real-life counterpart that hung prominently on my bedroom door. "I love you, I promise not to forget you! Plus, you know the rules...in my world he's not injured and there's no such thing as brand extensions! You'll be fine, ok?"
He just sniffled, nodding sadly, not at all convinced. "Ok..." in a weak little voice.
Oh man, my heart was just breaking..."I know! What if I make you the star of my very next fic, huh?"
He looked up, still sniffling sadly. "The star...?"
I nodded, smiling encouragingly. "Yes, baby, the star...and I know just who to pair you with, too!"
Jericho-muse straightened, smirking. "I don't know if I even wanna work with him...after what he said."
I smirked back. "Well, it's not you anyway, Chris."
"What?! Why you dirty, disgusting, bottom-feeding..."
"Watch it..."
"Dammit."
Adam-muse tugged on my shirt to get my attention. "Who? Who is it?"
Before I could answer, a shuffling noise distracted me. It was coming from...from my comic book box?? Next thing I knew, the top flipped off and out crawled a leanly-muscled, black trench coat-wearing man with long, curly dark hair streaked with gold, carrying a ninja sword. Ian Nottingham-muse.
He leaped gracefully to the floor, and, though he'd been unused for a while too, there was no layer of dust...comic-book boxes are great at protecting stuff.
"Sara...? SARA!"
I cleared my throat to get his attention. "Ummm...Ian? She's not here. You know that. I never used her in your fics."
He fell to his knees in dramatic torment, staring up at the ceiling, angst just oozing out of him. "Now do you see? Now do you understand? Do you?! That to wear the Witchblade also means you must defend it...and I, who was to be your protector, a sibling of sorts, have unleashed an arrow that could end your life...I love you...in unguarded moments."
While the other musi stared at Ian Nottingham-muse as though he'd just sprouted a second head, I smiled, making a brief mental note to rewatch all my Season 2 tapes.
"Ian...I'm kinda busy, can you please get back in your box?"
"They say no man can serve two masters. I thought I could prove the exception. I was mistaken…you gave me life, it's yours to take back, I would consider it a mercy. If you don't I..."
"IAN!" I snapped, cutting him off. "Irons is in the box, Ian, go to Irons."
Without another word, like the brainwashed slave that he was, Ian leapt back into the comic book box, pulling the cover shut.
Hunter-muse snorted derisively, as did Jericho-muse. Adam-muse just looked confused by the whole event.
Hunter-muse rolled his eyes. "What the hell was that?! You had a thing for that existential-shit spouting freak?"
I frowned at him. "Shut up, Hunter...unless you want me to bring up Stephanie."
He said not another word on the matter.
"Fae...Fae?" more tugging, on the end of one of my pigtails now.
I looked down, remembering Adam-muse. "Oh...right. See, I have the perfect pairing for you, sweetie, you're gonna love it!"
He raised hopeful, midnight-blue eyes up at me and I made another brief note to write him into a seriously Mary Sue het fic...he was too damn lovely to waste on just the boys.
I smiled, reaching into my purse. Turning, I grinned as I set the newest muse next to him.
He gave a delighted squeal. "Christian!!" Tackling his 'brother' in a huge hug.
I grinned down at the pair, who were hugging and crying like a Jenny Jones reunion show. "See? I told you I had the perfect match for you!
Christian-muse (looking exactly as his real-life counterpart did on the January episode of Raw when he came to interrupt Jericho's apology to Stacy--yum) grinned cheekily up at me. "No angst, though, k? Lots and lots of unapologetic fluff and sap!" Adam-muse nodded in agreement.
I smiled. "I promise...no angst. For now."
Knowing that was the best they were gonna get out of me, the two went skipping over to the edge of the bed, climbed down, and disappeared underneath it to, I assume, get 'reacquainted'.
Jericho-muse lay on his side atop my dresser, smirking at me. "So now what, oh great and powerful fan fic author? You gonna let a gorgeous piece of meat like *this* go to waste?" Gesturing to his, admittedly, sculpted body, shirtless as he was in just a pair of blue jeans. I briefly wished he was more than 5 inches tall.
I smirked back. "Not at all, Mr. King of the World. I have plans for you..."
Noticing that he was the only muse left in the room, Hunter-muse took the opportunity to make his exit, disappearing into the living room to, no doubt, continue his quest to make barbells out of dry spaghetti and Thin Mints.
Hmmm...that presented a problem. Since I *had* promised Hunter-muse not to use his slashy twin yet, who else was there??? I had to think of something quick, cuz Jericho-muse's smirk was growing by the second, convinced I'd painted myself into a corner.
Just then, a muffled "Arggh!" and an equally muffled "Ahoy!" was heard from the bottom of the laundry hamper. Before either I or Jericho-muse could get up to see what it was, a tiny rope ladder was thrown over the side and a pair of musi began climbing down to the floor.
I suppressed a disgusted groan. Oh no. Not the pirate musi. Dammit, I though I'd gotten rid of them!
Jamey-muse, looking disgustingly beautiful in his pirate captain outfit (billowy shirt, buff breeches, thigh-high boots and red sash holding back jet-black curly hair to his shoulders) flipped his hair back, looking around, having apparently not yet noticed me or Jericho-muse.
"Ratface, belay offloading...lower that net back into the hold, we don't need them getting wind of our swag!" he called to his companion.
David-muse (in brown vest, pirate pants tied with a waist sash, long golden hair flowing freely) nodded. "Aye aye, Captain!" He glanced up, catching sight of me and stumbled back. Pulling out a spyglass, he focused it on me, gasping. "Captain! British woman o' war passing Skull Point, bearing down off the starboard beam! Aye Captain, she's fully-rigged...fourteen guns..."
I gave him a flick of my finger, tossing him on his rump a few inches away and shutting him up, which is what I was going for. "Jesus, would you please shut up, LHAD?"
Jamey-muse looked up at me, an imperious smirk crossing his breathtaking features. Damn him for being so pretty. His smooth, velvety voice, which used to drive me wild, now just grated on my nerves. "Fae...lass. I knew ye couldn't resist my charms long. Come, let's to my quarters and I'll toss yer skirts up yet again..."
I rolled my eyes, wondering how I'd ever thought that drivel was sexy. "Shut up, you egotistical, narcissistic, mind-banging asshole! I'm so over you...and too busy to deal with your shit right now."
Jamey-muse just smirked more, flipping his hair again because he, I'm sure, remembered how much I loved it. "Ye don't mean that, lass...else I'd be dead, not still here to tempt ye..."
I thought about that. He was right, why wasn't he dead? I looked at Jericho, who was peering over the edge of the dresser at the two and rolling his eyes.
"Jericho...if I promise to give you somebody *really* yummy for your next fic, will you take care of these two for me?"
Jericho-muse grinned huge. "Now you're talkin!" In a graceful leap, he five-star frogsplashed David-muse right into the floor, who immediately exploded into a cloud of dust.
Jamey-muse, looking worried, drew his sword, waving it wildly. "Back, ye son of a footman's goat!"
Jericho-muse looked up at me, arching one brow. "Is this guy for real?" He rolled his eyes at Jamey-muse. "You're goin' down, seaweed-breath!"
Jamey-muse swung his sword again, only to have it kicked easily from his hand. Visibly worried now, he began backing up. "I'll never surrender! When I'm in Davy Jones' locker, NOT before!!"
Jericho snorted, then performed a beautiful Lionsault (using a dangling VCR cord as a rope) and flew towards Jamey-muse, shouting "Pass this on to His Royal Highness!" before landing on him and exploding him into another pile of dust.
I stared at Jericho-muse in disbelief. "How did you know that last line from the show??"
He looked up at me, again smirking. "I saw you watching that pirate home video the other day."
I blushed, wishing he hadn't mentioned it. "Dammit...nobody was supposed to know!! I hadn't watched that in months!"
He shrugged, brushing dust off his jeans. "So...on to my reward. Who ya got in mind, baby?"
*sigh* I REALLY wish he wasn't just a muse, dammit. I shook the thought off and gave him a grin. "I'm gonna give you a choice, k?"
He seemed to like that idea, using the VCR cord to climb back up onto the dresser. "Ok...what're the choices?"
Thinking fast, I suddenly snapped my fingers, grinning. "I got it!" Leaning over to pull open a dresser drawer, I produced two smaller than average musi, these only around 4 inches if that.
I smiled as I held them up to Jericho-muse, one in each hand. "Shannie-muse..." holding up my right hand where cute little Shannie-muse sat, looking a little dazed, "...and Spanky-muse!" Now holding up my left where poor, confused Spanky-muse dangled precariously from my thumb.
I grinned, quite pleased with myself...surely *one* of these uber-twinks would strike Jericho-muse's fancy. I, personally, preferred Spanky-muse, who was prettier in the face and was wearing the sexy gray silk pajama bottoms his real-life counterpart had worn on his Velocity one-night run as Diamondback.
And, indeed, Jericho-muse looked well-pleased, eying the two cupcakes like a lion watching a gazelle.
I raised my brows. "Well, which one?"
He frowned at me. "Not so fast, jerky-girl...the king of the world does not like to be rushed. Where'd they come from, anyway? I know for a fact you've never written anything about either of em, so why would you need muses for em?"
I shrugged. "Well, Spanky here I've been watching ever since Diamondback was on the Phoenix Velocity...even in the mask I thought he was hot...kinda reminded me of Jeffy with his high-flying stuff and he had a nice body...Spanky-muse was created that night, but kept in the drawer until I could think of a way to use him. As for Shannie...well, as soon as I started writing Matty/Jeffy slash I *had* to create a Shannie-muse...he's so Mattitude's twink, but, like Spanky, hadn't gotten around to using him yet."
Jericho-muse got a very wicked look on his face as he grinned at me. "So...you're saying they're both...virgins??"
I rolled my eyes at that. Only Jericho-muse would even think of it. I sighed. "Yes, you big perv, if you wanna look at it that way then yes, they're both virgins. Shiny brand-new never used twinks for your pleasure...now pick one goddamn it, so I can get back to my story!!"
Jericho-muse sat on the edge of the dresser, dangling his feet, scratching his chin as he considered his two choices. I couldn't help a grin at the serious look on his face...you'd think he was deciding the fate of the world, not just the fate of his next PWP.
Finally he looked up at me, grinning wide. Damn, I love making him grin, gotta do it more often. "Okay...made my choice."
I sighed with relief. "Thank the gods...which one?"
He gave me a smirk. "Both."
"What?!" I glared at him. "Chris, that wasn't part of the deal, you get *one*."
He simply arched one golden brow. "I took out *two* retardo pirate muses for ya...I should get *two* rewards."
I swear I woulda thrown up my hands in defeat if I hadn't been holding Shannie and Spanky. "Oh ferchrissakes...fine, fine if it'll shut you up, then fine, both of em it is." I put both back in the dresser drawer, waited while Jericho-muse jumped in behind them (with a triumphant grin at me) and shut the drawer.
I sat down on my bed, heaving a sigh of relief. Oh thank god, I'd actually managed to get rid of the muses so I could write!
Then it occurred to me...I can't write without the musi! Shit. Now what??
My eyes landed on the little lump under my blanket that was Matt and Jeffy-muse...a wicked thought occurring to me. Carefully lifting the edge of the blanket, I peeked under...
WHOA! Grabbed my laptop and began typing away...those two are SO inspirational!!
